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How to play World of Warcraft properly

The last time we checked, there are approximately 14 kazillion gamers out there playing World of Warcraft. Unfortunately, only about five hundred people in the world truly understand how to play World of Warcraft properly. Luckily for you, I happen to be one of them.

Did you see how I just tried passing off nonsense as fact? Get used to it. Dogma plays an important role in the logic behind playing World of Warcraft properly. If you come across any term or acronym that you don’t understand while reading this factual guide, please skip ahead to Pro Tip 4 below. More knowledge bombs are incoming. Please take cover for your own safety.


Above: If you actually clicked on this article, you probably need all the help you can get


Pro Tip 1: World of Warcraft is NOT meant to be fun

If you happen to have fun by accident while playing WoW, that is acceptable. But it’s important for you to be aware of the fact that this game is not meant to be fun. What it’s supposed to do is make the cruel joke that is your life slightly more bearable - and in this, WoW continues to succeed with flying colors. The value of this truism should not be underestimated. Do you have a horrible and mundane day job? Does your life suck? Join the club, the club of fellow escapists suffering from the human condition. Just like the daily nightmare that is your real life, World of Warcraft is full of repetitive tasks, meaningless toil, idiots, and lots and lots of assholes. The bright side is that assholes are always easier to deal with when they look like a Blood Elf.


Above: This is my brother-in-law. In real life, I hate him because he’s a dick to my sister and his name is Lance. In World of Warcraft I only have to hate him for his low DPS 


Pro Tip 2: Choose the Horde

If you want to play with sissy role players, lose every battleground, wipe regularly, and join countless fail PUGs, then by all means roll an Alliance toon.  Otherwise, it’s always best to create a Horde character. This is one of the most important first steps one must take in order to play WoW properly. That’s because the Horde faction generally attracts more hardcore and skilled players, while the Alliance faction just attracts more players. The reasoning goes like this.

- Alliance players outnumber Horde players on most servers.
- That’s because more players identify with the “good guy” fantasy races represented in the Alliance faction.
- Players who identify with the “good guys” suck.
- Therefore, the pool of players in the Alliance faction on every server will suck more than those playing as Horde.


Above: A typical example of what a fully geared level 80 Alliance Warrior looks like 

It doesn’t matter if this is true. Everyone “knows” that Horde players are better, so you might as well roll with it and ride the coattails of the slightly more skilled masses.

66 comments

  • ds9kirys - June 23, 2014 10:36 a.m.

    Somewhat useless but terribly amusing. Thanks for the chuckles!
  • yolanda89 - August 5, 2012 7:48 p.m.

    this is a good guide for the beginers, thanks you can also get some guides from wow.farmer100
  • Anonymous93 - August 21, 2009 12:18 a.m.

    Everyone has to stop taking adadadad so seriously, he's actually real funny then. He's trying to get those reactions from you.
  • narojima - August 17, 2009 9:52 p.m.

    ah man i totaly agree with you
  • DeathbyFira - August 15, 2009 10:11 p.m.

    LOL that is what i use the trade chat for lol and that is the only fun thing and stupid thing to do is make fun of higher players by telling them i may be a noob but i at least have a life jackass it works evry time lol
  • Turkeykilla7 - August 15, 2009 10:51 a.m.

    Onyxia Whipe Animation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtvIYRrgZ04 Seriously anyone who has ever played wow or even heard of wow will think this is hilarious. Like laughing out loud funny.
  • pinoklin - August 15, 2009 6:09 a.m.

    HORDE FTW AGREED--alliance is filled with kids and preteens....horde rules by all means go horde....ull never regret ur decision....plus the horde has zombies and god knows that only aliens beat them and no those gay draenei that couldnt even drive their on spaceship so they crashed dont count...orcs in the other hand are aliens too and are green and look badass if they6re warrios in prot..HORDE FTW
  • secretsearcher - August 15, 2009 4 a.m.

    @adadadad Firstly, I think your CAPS LOCK is broken. You might want get that fixed. And secondly, what the hell is up with your comments?
  • YuGiOhisbetterthanMagic - August 14, 2009 8:44 p.m.

    not only dose WoW suck, but kight online, witch is a total carbon copy of wow, is free! however, both suck, and playing either is not advised
  • gatornation1254 - August 14, 2009 7:20 p.m.

    I have never played World of Warcraft but I still find these very entertaining. I did play Runescape for a few weeks when I was 10 though.
  • Turkeykilla7 - August 14, 2009 6 p.m.

    @ HeavyTank, wow players think that Wow is the best game ever becuase it actually is the best game ever. Its the perfect game that never ends. Its designed perfectly, they make it so it takes literally MONTHS of gameplay to actually get anywhere. The worst thing is you can never really look back and say, Man I have an awsome character with awsome weapons because your gear is never quite good enouph to satisfy your lust. Then if by chance you are satisfied with your gear theres all this side stuff like Buying Mounts, getting titles, fun trinkets, and grinding for Gold. The only reason I quit playing is becuase I realized I was working (Grinding for Gold) more on wow then at my actual job. When you go to bed at 2 A.M. after a nice long raid and then wake up for Work at 4 A.M. it dosent make for a very good day. Beleave me if I didnt have to work, spend time with family, or have friends i would be playing wow to this day. Check out my old character Names Minator on Nazjatar. I gave the account to a friend from Highschool. he still plays it :( IM SORRY RANDY!!!!
  • Geminiman82 - August 14, 2009 5:59 p.m.

    I went to detox for my WOW addiction and haven't played in a long time but this is FUNNY!
  • deaze - August 14, 2009 3:33 p.m.

    okay raiding.. is horrible now pre-bc owned.. there is no more 40 man raids. and if there was a pre-bc wow only i would play that over lich king. and this dude is so dumb. ppl come to wow to get away. and i hate my family in and out the game...
  • HeavyTank - August 14, 2009 2:37 p.m.

    I agree with TurkeyKilla, NEVER play WoW if you think you have a life. You won't have if you start playing it. I never played it and l obesrve how WoW players act...they're just ridiculous..they think that WoW is the best game ever and they spend 1 year of their life to get an imaginary weapon...that's pathetic to say the least.
  • Yeager1122 - August 14, 2009 5:16 a.m.

    Just like everyone else is saying tried this game thought it was boring as hell never played again.
  • someonetgsn - August 14, 2009 1:35 a.m.

    ha, i stopped playing WoW when i found out pro tip one! figured it wasnt for me at that time. =p
  • uz_mike222 - August 14, 2009 12:04 a.m.

    lol, though i never played WoW and i hope i don't, i thought it was a good article and some of these can be used for other RPG's like MapleStory or Runescape. But i know one MMORPG will beat WoW when it comes out is the knew Star Wars: Knights of the Republic RPG that's coming out. Jedi Order HERE I COME!!!
  • Koouunn - August 13, 2009 11:54 p.m.

    lol tip #5 is the best and most funniest tip ever. nice job on the article
  • Curtis_Stone - August 13, 2009 11:02 p.m.

    This is hilarious... "- Players who identify with the “good guys” suck." Too true, too true!! *DUGG*
  • Turkeykilla7 - August 13, 2009 9:59 p.m.

    Im no hater, I loved wow, but it hated me.

Showing 1-20 of 66 comments

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