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Hitler's greatest hits

Over the last 30 years, videogames have given us a seemingly endless supply of memorable villains on which to hang our hate. For 26 of those years, however, one has stood head and shoulders above the rest as the favorite target of millions of angry gamers. One who has the advantage, unlike Bowser or the Gravemind or M. Bison, of actually being real. Of course, we’re talking about Adolf Hitler, infamous head of the Nazi state and prime instigator of World War II.


Above: If this man knew what contributions he’d someday make to videogames, he’d probably… kill six million people or something, I don’t know 

As Week of Hate grinds to a close, we can’t really think of a better way to end it than by paying tribute to some of the greatest game appearances by the most hated – and hateful – villain of the 20th century.


Shrieking Skeleton Hitler

From: Beyond Castle Wolfenstein 

Year: 1984

Given the popularity of Wolfenstein 3D, it’s often easy to forget that the series actually started years before. Created by programmer Silas Warner, the first Castle Wolfenstein was a top-down stealth-action game in you had to shoot or sneak past pacing Nazi guards (who had a habit of screaming in badly digitized German) in order to escape a prison fortress. The sequel, Beyond Castle Wolfenstein, had the same nameless Allied operative sneaking into a guard-infested bunker to take out no less a target than Hitler himself.

The task was straightforward: creep in, set a bomb outside the room where Hitler and his top brass were meeting, and then leave without arousing suspicion. The thing is, this was 1984. So when you finally shot or lied your way to Hitler’s doorstep, all he actually did was pace back and forth, irregularly saluting his generals, at which point they’d salute back.

You can’t get the full ear-shattering effect of their inanity without seeing it for yourself, either. Here, check it out on YouTube:

It’s sort of mesmerizing, isn’t it, in an ear-splitting way? You may be pleased to know that, after Hitler marches back and forth in front of his unbelievably patient toadies for what’s probably hours, the game rewrites history by literally blowing the doors off the bunker.

It’s funny to think that this goose-stepping clown was our mental image of one of history’s worst mass murderers, circa 1984. Can you imagine if someone pulled that shit today?

Hitler rating:

We’ll give him an extra point just for being the first, but Jesus this is one boring-ass Hitler.


Aryan MegaHitler

From: Bionic Commando 

Year: 1988

OK, now this is a Hitler that people are familiar with. A Hitler gamers can get behind! Enormous, barrel-chested and insanely treacherous, the Hitler known as Master-D is raised from the dead by the wicked Badds, only to betray their leader, Generalissimo Killt, at the last minute. He then strides out of his cloning tank all big and cool, briefly menaces some young punk with a robot arm and storms off to either conquer the world or be shot in the face with a rocket launcher trying.

And, yes, technically Master-D was only Hitler in Japan. But come on: look at that mustachioed sadsack and tell us he’s not supposed to be our boy Adolf.


Above: OH, (circa 1988) SNAP!! 

It’s kind of a pity Hitler didn’t officially make it past Nintendo’s US censorship rules, because then we might have had this badass box art:

Instead of this:

However, being tall and menacing and looking cool on a box isn’t really what this particular Hitler is known for. Remember that “conquer the world or be shot in the face with a rocket launcher” thing we mentioned? Yeah, well, he doesn’t conquer the world.

For many of us, this was the first time we ever saw something as gruesome as an exploding head – and the first time we realized just how cool exploding heads actually are.

Hitler rating:

Getting to shoot Hitler’s face open made for one of the best game endings of all time. Arguably, the only other Hitler to leave a bigger impression on an entire generation was the real one.

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29 comments

  • DriveShaft - March 31, 2010 7:59 p.m.

    Surprised no Nazi fan has made a PC hitler game x]
  • Turboash - March 29, 2010 6:35 p.m.

    The image (and sound) of the melting Hitler from Wolf 3D haunted my dreams for weeks afterwards... but then DOOM came along!
  • kaaos - March 29, 2010 2:47 p.m.

    i'd have to say that the best hitler is from wolfstein 3d
  • legory - March 28, 2010 11 p.m.

    I lold at the last hitler rating, i like how you turned the moustache into a soul patch on the meter.
  • Elementskater - March 28, 2010 5:44 a.m.

    ahhhh... good ol' Gamesradar, pushing the limits of society one great article at a time.
  • Weasel - March 28, 2010 4:58 a.m.

    What about the time traveling Hitler with an army of cyborg dinosaurs in 'Time Gentlemen, Please'? That was a pretty jerky Hitler.
  • AntistasBoneShield - March 28, 2010 1:45 a.m.

    So what I gather from this article, without actually reading it yet, is that you are a Nazi Mikel.
  • t3rry747 - March 27, 2010 10:33 p.m.

    the hitler from operation darkness looks like he has man boobs
  • nomnom52 - March 27, 2010 4:56 p.m.

    On the time twist one, the person who stole your body turned it RED not blue. Hitler is also red. Otherwise great article
  • Cyberninja - March 27, 2010 2:47 p.m.

    nintendo is not evil without it i doubt you would even be playing any games right now or be on this website.
  • The4X - March 27, 2010 12:23 p.m.

    If you released this article in Russia, you surely be locked down. But i like it, like all of GR :)
  • philipshaw - March 27, 2010 10:19 a.m.

    Great article and the best way to close out the week of hate
  • jmcgrotty - March 27, 2010 6:06 a.m.

    (Love it that you can't edit prior comments!) Typoed in my last message. Meant to say that Mario even has the moustache happening.
  • jmcgrotty - March 27, 2010 6:04 a.m.

    You forgot the biggest one of all, even if he does have a shaved moustache. Since he is the face of Nintedo, it is obvious that Mario is actually Hitler. Nintendos reign of evil has surpassed 20 years now, with all it's garbage games, and the original Hitler lasted nowhere near that long.
  • theHeadCase - March 27, 2010 4:42 a.m.

    I didn't think it was possible but yes, making hitler's mustache a soul patch does make his face more punchable.
  • understudybass - March 27, 2010 4:33 a.m.

    This is by far the best article i've read on this site. I LOL'd at least once a paragraph. Nice.
  • Sebastian16 - March 27, 2010 4:12 a.m.

    This.... This is amazing!
  • onewingedantista - March 27, 2010 2:52 a.m.

    That Hitler from Persona will haunt my nightmares for years to come.
  • Kenzo - March 27, 2010 2:41 a.m.

    wtf with the soul patch? were they trying to disguise him for all the little children or something?
  • speno93 - March 27, 2010 2:37 a.m.

    @dusty rooster totally agree with you, that throwing knife in your chest is destined to connect with Hitler's eye socket.

Showing 1-20 of 29 comments

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