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Gaming's most hideous mums

Just in time for the British Mother's Day (you remembered, right?), we decided to pay tribute to gaming's greatest matriachs. But we ran into a problem.

It seems that most mums in games are either the sweet but irresponsible JRPG type ('Yes dear you go off into the woods and fight the Dark Lords of Hell. I'll make a cake for when you get back. Don't die or anything'), or outright hideous of body or mind. Or both. In the name of exposing gaming's dark Freudian underbelly, we chose to dwell morbidly on the latter.


Cleopatra

From: Dante's Inferno

Hideous because: She neglects the traditional birthing process in favour of pumping torrents of toddlers out of her nipples. And they come out with knives instead of arms. Sigmund. Entire weekend festival. That is all.


Ma

 

From: Big Mutha Truckers

Hideous because: She has a face like a bag of spanners and a body like a slightly deflated sumo. And given the placing of that shadow, we're not entirely convinced she's wearing pants.


Clement Darling's mother

 

From: House of the Dead: Overkill

Hideous because: She's about 900 years old, gives her son regular oral examinations with her tongue, and after her death (having by this point mutated into a towering great horror of lethal motherly devastation), said son repents for his zombie-manufacturing misadventures by returning to the womb. Via exactly the same path he left by. And given the nature of their relationship, we doubt it's the first time he's tried.


The Zerg Queen

 

From: StarCraft II

Hideous because: Although she's a fiercely protective mother (essentially operating as a hardcore defensive unit), she's protecting Zerglings. And we all know what a bumper crop of Zerglings leads to.


Mother Brain

 

From: The Metroid series

Hideous because: She was once the biomechanical central computer for the Chozo, but eventually sided with the Space Pirates in order to wipe out said benevolent scientific space-hippies and start breeding Metroids. She was planning on using them to conquer everything in existence, but commited heart-breaking infanticide on the one that protected Samus at the end of Super Metroid.

Also, she looks like a turd on a stick jammed into the top of a long-dead chicken.


Mother 3

 

From: Gameboy Advances in Japan and nowhere but Japan

Hideous because: It's brilliant, but stubbornly refuses to be released anywhere else in the world, regardless of rabid global Earthbound fandom and its characters' appearances in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Heartless bitch.

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24 comments

  • american101 - March 16, 2010 8:06 p.m.

    well i sure as hell know i wouldn't want "mums" like that... the spider lady, maybe, but dont stake your life on it.
  • DADOOKEYMANESAY - March 14, 2010 11:53 p.m.

    DOOKEYMANESAY--thisarticle dope son
  • bonerachieved - March 14, 2010 9:20 p.m.

    haha @Lilikka definately true.
  • jackthemenace - March 14, 2010 12:58 p.m.

    that HotD:O nearly made me puke >:( @reCAPTCHA- over simple? i disagree... @embolado- jesus christ she was creepy in the new AvP! but she was feckin stupid, she just sat there on top of a furnace surrounded by explosives...?
  • QWERTYCommander - March 13, 2010 9:50 p.m.

    I just downloaded the ROM, and the unofficial translation patch. Yes I know I just mentioned ROMs, but seriously GR, you know Nintendo deserves it.
  • noobeater - March 13, 2010 9:31 p.m.

    i immediately thought of broodmother too, symphonicdeathpop haha reCAPTCH: fridget vetoed ...hahahahahahah
  • ChairmanMeow - March 13, 2010 8:03 p.m.

    What about your mom from GTA Ballad of Gay Tony? God She was a bitch....
  • Vitoruss1 - March 13, 2010 3:52 p.m.

    What about the Mom from the gamecube version of the Sims (I think the first one released on Gamecube). No matter what character you made, you started out with a black mom with gray hair, an ugly-ass dress and a horrible attitude. The bitch would complain about everything. Did I mention that even if you were caucasian or asian, she was BLACK?
  • EnragedTortoise1 - March 13, 2010 2:10 p.m.

    Why isn't Queen Brahne from FF9 on this list? She's ugly as heck. http://www.galbadiax.com/ff9/brahne.jpg
  • symphonicdeathpop - March 13, 2010 11:56 a.m.

    How could you forget Dragon Age's Broodmother?
  • philipshaw - March 13, 2010 10:08 a.m.

    Any article with House of the Dead: Overkill is a win for me
  • CJS - March 13, 2010 9:53 a.m.

    It would have been so cool if Phantasy Star II's Mother Brain had looked like that lol
  • madsick1 - March 13, 2010 4:23 a.m.

    House of the Dead: Overkill = ridiculously bad video game acting
  • TrollMan - March 13, 2010 3:21 a.m.

    your moms uglier lulz
  • axis56 - March 13, 2010 1 a.m.

    if mother brain looks like a turd you need more bran in your diet GR, ive never shat anything orange.
  • Cyberninja - March 12, 2010 11:23 p.m.

    i didnt known their was a british mothers day
  • Embolado - March 12, 2010 7:50 p.m.

    Also I need put a vote in for Brahne. She is princess garnet's mom in Final Fantasy IX
  • lovinmyps3 - March 12, 2010 6:40 p.m.

    Glad my mum isn't like that. I'd have nightmares.
  • bamb0o-stick - March 12, 2010 6:40 p.m.

    What about Alma from FEAR? Her back story is beyond FUBAR.
  • oryandymackie - March 12, 2010 5:57 p.m.

    Pokemon Sapphire's mum scared me - she was so stupid, like she was a pod person. Or something.

Showing 1-20 of 24 comments

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