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Games that should be more controversial than GTA

GTA gets a pretty bad rap in the mainstream press. If you listen to them it’s responsible for the downfall of society, Han Solo shooting second and Skittles the shitting tiger corrupting children in their sleep.

But there are plenty of games that do controversial shit which pass under the all-seeing gaze of Saur… eh, the media. Blowing up an entire town with an A-bomb. Doing something decidedly saucy with a woman’s chest. Baby seal genocide! The games below all avoided courting controversy for these acts simply because their profile isn’t as high as the series that lets you kneecap hookers.


Fallout 3

Why it should be more controversial: It lets you blow up an entire town with a goddamn nuclear bomb.



Yes, that’s right. This isn’t offing the occasional Lithuanian mobster, pimp or good old fashioned street walker. No, we’re talking about painfully vaporising dozens of innocent civilians with an atomic explosion… for money.


Above: Won't somebody think of the Jedis?!

Why it isn’t: Because while little Timmy can perhaps grow up to be an automobile thief, it’s unlikely he’s ever going to pop down to the local convenience store and pick himself up a weapon of mass destruction with his soda pop. That said, Japanese copies of the game understandably had The Power of Atom mission removed.


3D Dot Heroes

Why it should be more controversial than GTA: Your pixely protagonist can get a sex massage.



Quick, hide the young ‘uns. Someone needs to ban this sick filth right the hell now. Really, what’s this world coming to when a man can’t slay a few blocky monsters without being offered a happy ending massage? If you don’t get the above poofpoof scene it’s a reference to a bit from Dragon Quest VIII where a raunchy woman massages your character’s face with her big, round… eh, Slimes.  

Only the thing is, there’s a definite lack of blue blobs to do the massaging this time. So when she dims the lights, we can only assume she’s giving the hero a thorough rubbing with her blocky, angular shirt turnips. Oh, and poofpoof totally means sex.  

Why it’s not: It’s all a bit of fun, innit? Now if the next game in the 3D Dot Heroes series takes this direction that would be a different story…


Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater

Why it should be more controversial than GTA: It contains six, count ‘em, six minutes of brutal torture.



Holy shit. We’re used to seeing characters getting shot and having seven shades of bum juice kicked out of them, but Snake Eater’s torture sequence is something else. It’s the fact that many of the horrendous acts that befall Snake lie so close to reality. The plastic bag over the head to onset claustrophobia, the Deer Hunter-style Russian Roulette sequence, the dude who can fire bolts of lightning out of his finge… alright, scratch that last one. The rest of the scene, however, we can actually imagine happening in real life (admittedly pretty illegal) interrogations.

Why it’s not: Because Metal Gear can do something GTA never can. Namely, hide its violence behind a semi comforting blanket of fantasy. Where GTA is (somewhat) grounded in reality, making its shootings, knifings and hooker homicides too close to what’s actually going on in the world for many critics’ tastes, the Gear can balance its violence with baddies who shoot bees out of their ass, camp one-liners and effeminate men in g-strings.

Actually, screw what we just said. Seeing Raikov’s lightning bolt-branded banana hammock is worse than watching a hundred eye-gouging torture scenes.


Above: Nothing at all. Nothing at all. NOTHING AT ALL...

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51 comments

  • Voltaire - December 9, 2010 2:39 p.m.

    I may as well mention that no one seems to mind the fact that you have to kill adult pandas in Overlord 2
  • 2cute2Bcruel - September 22, 2010 4:48 a.m.

    I can think of TONS more games that are more offensive and should be MORE controversial than GTA. But the reason that they aren't is that they aren't popular enough.
  • wiitard07 - August 2, 2010 3:29 a.m.

    Come on people there is a pissed of Japanese fellow at the beginning of the article pointing at what seems to say SPOILERS BELOW! stop blaming GR for your stupidity
  • brickman409 - August 1, 2010 10:50 p.m.

    what about mario 64 you could drop a baby penguin of a cliff on that snow level
  • Syncmaster - July 28, 2010 12:59 a.m.

    guys whats wrong with you?? the second paragraph BEFORE de huge spoiler alert had the almighty heavy rain spoiler. it ruined the game for me, but thanks, the sentence was REMOVED so.. there are no more spoilers there genius. ppl read the first couple of comments and just go bashing...
  • seanpolley - July 27, 2010 10:08 p.m.

    wow. thanks for ruining heavy rain. a spoiler alert wouldve been nice.
  • icbacomingupwithapropername - July 27, 2010 9:47 p.m.

    Damn was t expecting fable 2 on here but I guess the dog killin and girl killig is kinda controversiall never realy thought about it befor. Re-capcha:them pedigrees. Actualy I think the dog was a mongrel not a pedigree but nvm
  • AstroTartJones - July 27, 2010 7:43 p.m.

    Remember. Its just a game, settle down. If its Ok in movies its ok in video games.
  • Vitoruss1 - July 27, 2010 7:18 p.m.

    For someone who really doesn't like MGS, I must admit, that torture scene was pretty awesome. Minus the tackiness that is ever-present during all of the games.
  • stizzybeatbonk - July 27, 2010 6:43 p.m.

    I would like to see a girl in a two-piece Slime-themed swimsuit. Chances of that happening are slim to none, but hey, a man can fantasize.
  • philipshaw - July 27, 2010 10:31 a.m.

    Kojima does like a good toture scence,there is one in MGS1, MGS3 and MGS:PW
  • Zeb364 - July 27, 2010 7:17 a.m.

    To everyone complaining about the end of Heavy Rain being spoiled: look to the top of the article, see the giant picture that says "Spoilers Ahead" with the giant red arrows pointing down at the rest of the article? That's your warning that the article ahead contains spoilers. @KnightDehumidifier: I agree, it should've been in here. Especially since every game contains a sex scene and the media always seems to get a giant hard on over sex in video games. I was shocked as hell when Fox News didn't bust a nut about God of War 3's lesbian sex scene.
  • CurryIsGood - July 27, 2010 6:48 a.m.

    well in fallout 3 the children have guns and often swear at you
  • ballplayer27 - July 27, 2010 3:17 a.m.

    There is no way someone missed the spoiler alert. Are we sure they didn't add it? It's an article wide picture of a dude pissed off because his game got spoiled. It's also the same pissed off Asian dude they use for major spoiler articles...
  • GangsterJew92 - July 27, 2010 2:40 a.m.

    Seriously, does GR need to blare a siren continually saying spoiler alert so that you know even though the picture saying "Spoiler Alert" is practically the size of an entire paragraph. Idiots aside, great article guys.
  • curly_jefferson - July 27, 2010 1:46 a.m.

    I love how you can tell a Dave Meikleham article from the first image the internet needs more of that personality. Maybe next time you can do an article on how to recognise blatantly obvious spoiler warnings
  • Personamanxx - July 27, 2010 12:27 a.m.

    Seal meat is delicious. I love being a Newfoundlander. But seriously? Yeah some of these games really should cause some ripples from watch dogs more than they do.
  • sleepy92ismypsn - July 27, 2010 12:11 a.m.

    How can you have had Heavy Rain Spoiled? The only game I didn't want to be spoiled for me was MGS3 so as soon as I saw the title I looked away and went on to the next page.
  • sleepy92ismypsn - July 27, 2010 12:06 a.m.

    Don't want to spoil anything good so I didn't read. I've already played Heavy Rain but not fallout 3. Can someone please tell me which games get spoiled? I can understand them not mentioning which games get spoiled in that article about video game characters dying but not this article. fuck it I'll try not to read anything but the game titles.
  • metalgatesolid - July 26, 2010 9:29 p.m.

    Great Heavy Rain RUINED!!!! Should have a huge marker over that one saying this is the spoiler to end all spoilers!!

Showing 1-20 of 51 comments

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