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Trailer Trash Retro Edition

Revisit a time when trailers were known by their correct name: commercials

Words: Joe McNeilly, GamesRadar US

The best way to predict the future is to look at the past, or so someone smarter than us once said. For this week’s Trailer Trash, we’re doing just that with a look back at some of our favorite retro game videos. Pages are arranged roughly by era, so feel free to skip around.

 

Early Times


Cosmic Ark

Ah, the good old days when building a fort to play games in was more exciting than the games themselves. And your gullible little brother still believed that watching you play meant that he was on your team, ergo also playing.  Sucker!

 

Missile Command/Learn French

See? Two out of three grandparents agree that videogames will turn your child into a bow tie-wearing, French-spouting little Einstein, not a sociopathic, puppy-torturing sodomite. See? The TV said so. Unless he turns into a sophisticated Bond villain intent on perpetrating DEFCON 1.

 

Donkey Kong

This clearly racist Reagan-era propaganda stoked the flames of white suburban paranoia during a time when increased consolidation of wealth in the hands of the elite was causing rampant crime across the nation. The solution? Nuke the whales, buy a gun, vote Republican and get you some Donkey Kong on the Colecovision.

 

Have you played Atari today?

From the looks of it, Atari spent this commercial’s entire budget on the awesome, “Have you played Atari today?” jingle and couldn’t afford, you know, actors. So some brilliant producer (who probably now owns a Caribbean island) got the great idea to just color in the storyboards and call it done.

 

The Fonz Pinball

While not strictly a videogame, we had to include The Fonz Pinball for the digitized Henry Winkler one-liners and that kid’s amazing shirt, which modern day hipsters would commit hara-kiri for.


 
20 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
skyguy343  - 5 months 14 days ago 
sweet! new TT! first?
DarxStar  - 5 months 14 days ago 
Almost first! These suck lol!
Cyberninja  - 5 months 14 days ago 
didn't you do this before
shadowless92  - 5 months 14 days ago 
LOL funny shit
i love u Gamesradar
Mittenz  - 5 months 14 days ago 
Ever want to see the palm of Mario's hand? Well, BAM! All thanks to the power glove
Defguru7777  - 5 months 14 days ago 
Those Zelda ones made my eyes, ears, and foot bleed.
THORSTEINTHESTAFFSTRUCK  - 5 months 14 days ago 
Will someone please do a comparison of the trailers for the Nintendo Power Glove and Project Natal, please! And I "totally" remember that Zelda rap.
PinkLenny  - 5 months 14 days ago 
Man, its crazy how this all wasn't even that long ago. I wonder what we are going to be playing the equivalent amount of time from now
Corsair89  - 5 months 14 days ago 
I'm still trying to figure out if the Zelda ads were awesomely bad or just bad.
AntistaIsTheLight  - 5 months 14 days ago 
Does this ever make anyone wonder if our seemingly awesome game commercials will end up like this in about 10+ years? Think about it!
NipplesTheSuperHippo  - 5 months 14 days ago 
I love the power glove . . . it's so bad.

Straight up power glove For the lose/win/lose again.
NipplesTheSuperHippo  - 5 months 14 days ago 
I just saw the Toy's R Us thing . . . I think I saw Brett in the background. ;)
LordsOfTechno  - 5 months 14 days ago 
I always watch the Zelda dance ad. It never gets old... and the music is so damn catchy!
xxxFurryFanxxx  - 5 months 13 days ago 
What has been seen can not be unseen. Fail cakes. Good article though
Skykid  - 5 months 13 days ago 
What the heck?!?!? You really meant it when ya said 'retro' ya really meant it.
NeoKef  - 5 months 13 days ago 
Some of these made me cry in pain. WFT is Link doing dancing!?!?!?!?!
EchoBlade  - 5 months 10 days ago 
Wait a minute... Did Zelda have a MAN voice in the dancing one?!
yoreAtowel  - 5 months 10 days ago 
Go Link, get some. lulz
Demonflare  - 5 months 9 days ago 
What the duce, power glove....that commercial made it look better than the Wii control.
Coolbeans69  - 5 months 3 days ago 
Link was a girl in the zelda ad, wow. We got some lesbian action goin on! And props to u guys for referencing the avgn, if that was what u were doing on the Fester's Quest one
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