Maniac Mansion (Commodore 64, 1987)

There’s nothing overtly ‘80s about the design or composition of Maniac Mansion’s box – it dates itself more subtly. Which, incidentally, makes it about the only subtle thing the ‘80s ever produced. The logo, while at first normal-looking, quickly devolves into a neon scrawl, and the outfits the protagonists are wearing leave little doubt as to when this is supposed to take place. Believe it or not, every last one of those outfits was once considered awesome.

Well, except for the one in the middle. Nerds were never cool. Not even if you were one.

Skate or Die (Apple IIGS, 1987)

It’s difficult to imagine a box that represents the ‘80s aesthetic ideal better than the original computer version of Skate or Die. Mired in an aquamarine sea filled with seemingly random shapes that evoke tropical settings and hospital stays, its centerpiece is a ramp skater wearing clothes so loud and ugly that they had to be painted onto the photograph later. No box quite captures the essence of the era quite as thoroughly – or as hideously – as this.

Super Spike V’Ball (NES, 1990)

Xtreme Beach what? Look, back in 1990, beach volleyball meant buff dudes with Brian Bosworth fades and badass sunglasses. It was a totally non-homoerotic sport played exclusively by burly he-men. At least as far as Nintendo was concerned.

Venice Beach Volleyball (NES, 1991)

Is it any surprise at all that this was unlicensed?

WWF Wrestlemania (NES, 1988)

Sure, Hulk Hogan’s a walking kitsch figure nowadays, but for many of us this image represents roughly half of what we remember from the ‘80s.

Bigfoot (NES, 1990)

And this would be the other half.

Skate Boardin’: A Radical Adventure (Atari 2600, 1987)

Long before the happening ‘80s color went from mauve to hot pink, this cheerfully radical dude showed kids that it was cool to skate into traffic with no pads or protection whatsoever. Tubular!

Vice: Project Doom (NES, 1991)

Wow, there’s that clingy pose again. Add in some pastel clothes, a giant erector set and some lasers, and this is a pretty standard ‘80s box. Produced in 1991. For the love of God, ‘80s, why couldn’t you let go!?

Saboteur II (PC, 1987)

Although this image is mercifully free of garish colors, “cool” kids with sunglasses and buff dudes fighting street gangs, it serves as a calming reminder that not everything to come out of the ‘80s was visually horrifying.

Some of it was just awesome.

May 7, 2009

14 skateboarding games forgotten by time
From Sick to worse, these lost skate games are epic bail

Box art that got it all wrong
It's not just bad, it completely misses the point

The most mediocre box art
The blandest, dullest and all-around boring-est covers we could find