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E3 2010: 6 reasons we already love Donkey Kong Country Returns

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Short of Shigsy stepping off the stage to give us a sensual backrub and a sirloin steak during his Zelda presentation, there ain’t much more Nintendo could have done to win us over at this year's E3. We’ll admit it: we’ve fallen for the company all over again. And that’s due in no small part to the triumphant return of a certain tie-sporting simian.

Yup, the Kong has returned to his glorious 2D roots after 14 years in the wilderness. Below, we reveal the little things we already love about his comeback that make us happier than a 25-foot gorilla on a vacation in New York, with a hot blonde and banana split the size of a Buick.


It returns Donkey to where he belongs

Diddy Kong (rubbish). Dixie Kong (nowhere near as hot as Candy). Kiddy Kong (actually, we like the burly infantile ape). Eh… anyway, the point is Donkey was unfairly put on the bench to accommodate these so-so sidekicks in both Diddy’s Quest and Double Trouble. It means we’ve not controlled our big, beautiful primate in a proper 2D platformer since the original DKC in 1994. This, my fellow 16-bit gorilla enthusiasts, simply won’t stand.


Above: Donkey's days of rotting away in Mario Golf are over

That’s why we’re so happy to see Donkey Kong Country Returns putting its title character back where he belongs. Front and centre… and gorging himself on potassium-rich fruit. Frankly, Nintendo’s iconic furry fella has had to put up with playing golf, bashing drums and fitting his epic ape asscheeks into tiny go-kart seats for far too long. The time of being relegated to bit parts is over. The Kong is back!


ZOMG! F*CKING MINECARTS!

Snap out of it. Don’t make us slap you again. We’re all extremely excited about Returns bringing the mine cart level back after its cruel decline in recent years. The footage we’ve seen hints at an experience ever bit as nerve-shredding and intense as the original Mine Cart Carnage. All Retro has to do now is put in that theme, and it’s all good. Well, until Wiimotes starting flying through plasma screens after 17 f*cked up jumps on the trot. Which they almost certainly will.


Above: Ah memories... of breaking SNES pads in frustration


It’s the same… but different

Whoa, cosmic, man. Get past the ludicrously deep shit hinted at in the above header and we’ll tell you how. While the core experience of collecting bananas, switching between Donkey and Diddy and generally crushing as many craniums as possible remains; Returns has clearly been influenced by modern side scrollers.


Above: Kong's been around the block

One of the early levels we’ve seen shows our primate pals switching plains (ala Shadow Complex and LittleBigPlanet) via the game’s famous barrels. On top of that, we’ve also got Donkey's new ground pound (activated with a shake of the Wiimote), his ability to climb up grassy walls and the small matter of…

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41 comments

  • StickyLungs - June 18, 2010 9:41 p.m.

    I will buy this day one. I got goosebumps when it was announced at E3. I felt like a kid again. That music... But, I agree; Give me Rambi or give me death!
  • likejenga - June 18, 2010 9:35 p.m.

    looks like my wiis finally gonna get a good dusting
  • SenatorPepper - June 18, 2010 9:03 p.m.

    Vindicated! Gimme some of that sweet monkey love, Nintendo.
  • philipshaw - June 18, 2010 6:14 p.m.

    I'm excited but the preview on this site about the controls not being spot on,has me catious about it now
  • ryancoleman - June 18, 2010 4:16 p.m.

    Donkey kong country returns and goldeneye 007!!! I don't even care for zelda anymore!!!
  • Impossible - June 18, 2010 12:39 p.m.

    "we’ve not controlled our big, beautiful primate in a proper 2D platformer since the original DKC in 1994" So I take it you never played Donkey Kong Jungle Beat, which was an amazing, shining example of 2D platforming - perhaps the best of its generation? It's certainly a "proper" platformer.
  • GoodGuyWithACrappyJob - June 18, 2010 5:31 a.m.

    Well, well. Look who's back. It took a while, but Donkey Kong is finally back! Superb! And, to wrap it up, I'll give it away to Emil Nolde: Clever people master life; the wise illuminate it and create fresh difficulties.
  • Paul752 - June 18, 2010 1:55 a.m.

    I have waited for this moment for far too long!
  • Spybreak8 - June 18, 2010 12:58 a.m.

    Epic picture haha.
  • Stabby_Joe - June 18, 2010 12:51 a.m.

    This defiantly a first day purchase for me. I personally favor Donkey Kong more than the other Nintendo mascots so a big new game for him is a massive plus given the smaller releases in recent years.
  • brickman409 - June 18, 2010 midnight

    @Wootles yah i think so too
  • NathanXplosion - June 17, 2010 11:58 p.m.

    The only thing that ever stuck with me from Donkey Kong Country was the music. So if David Wise isn't involved I could care less. And crappy remixes of the original DKC music doesn't count Retro.
  • Sabtos - June 17, 2010 11:04 p.m.

    LMFAO "I've been beating giant beavers since..." Loved DK country on Gameboy and SNES. I have to admit I have been pretty much a Nintendo hater since the Wii came out, but this E3 has a number of things that I'm excited about. Most of all this.
  • milesgregory - June 17, 2010 10:41 p.m.

    lol...I am not the only one. I sold my wii one month before E3 because I was excited for PS move. Stupid of me eh. But I will buy a new one. And the Donkey Kong Country's arent the only DK games that got it right. I enjoyed DK64. I got my first system when I was 5 and the system was the DK64 bundle. I played that thing for hours upon hours. But I do love DKC of course.
  • CandiedJester - June 17, 2010 9:44 p.m.

    I want this so badly, but I don't want to buy a wii again. ]': sigggh why must you torture me nintendo! ><; Also kirby did look awesome as well. Gaaaaaah. ;-;
  • Cyberninja - June 17, 2010 8:58 p.m.

    pure win is what this game is
  • jakab11 - June 17, 2010 7:58 p.m.

    Though it's completely cliche to say, I'm pumped for this, between this kirby and zelda, I have no reason to sell my Wii like i was planning to, except maybe to pay for a 3DS. Anyway, I'm definitely getting this, between the gorgeous new visuals and the nostalgia factor, I'd love this even if it played like crap, but it'll play great so I'll love it even more
  • Zeipher - June 17, 2010 7:53 p.m.

    I completely agree with Wootles. The ancient pre-rendered graphics of the original Donkey Kong Country do look superior to the Wii version's... That's pretty sad.
  • Fuzunga - June 17, 2010 7:27 p.m.

    Methinks Retro is the new Rare.
  • FunkSoulBrother - June 17, 2010 7:06 p.m.

    I don't have a Wii or DS but I'm happy for those who do.

Showing 1-20 of 41 comments

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