Forget love. Forget religion. Forget the beauty of nature. Forget bungee jumping over alligators with the rope tied to your man-potatoes. Going off current evidence there is no experience more life-affirming than partaking in the creative destruction of Bulletstorm's limb-shredding, combo-killing anarchy. I found that out when I previewed Epic and People Can Fly's upcoming FPS batshit-'em-up, and this new content description from the ESRB's rating session only confirms it.
The staid, grey world of modern FPS is going to take a solid, Technicolor kick in the balls when Bulletstorm lands in February. Want to know just how amusing the shape of the bruise is going to be? It all starts out standard enough (for Bulletstorm) with a quick recap of the gameplay mechanics:
Above: Could I love Bulletstorm any more right now? No. No I could not
"Players use futuristic machine guns, shotguns, magnum revolvers, assault rifles, and chain guns to perform over-the-top kills that dismember and decapitate foes. Injured enemies emit large sprays of blood that stain the ground and surrounding walls"
So far, so good then, particularly considering the revelation that "players can consume alcohol and kill enemies in order to receive an Intoxicated Skillshot". But how, pray tell, ESRB, is the ludicrous tone of the gameplay going to be reflected in the game's script?
Above: A bit like this
"The dialogue contains numerous jokes and comments that reference sexual acts, venereal diseases, and having sex with one's mother (e.g., "Guess I know where the ol' gal got that limp."). The names of some Skillshots are infused with sexual innuendo (e.g., Gag Reflex, Rear Entry, Drilldo, Mile High Club); one Skillshot (i.e., Fire in the Hole) allows players to shoot at enemies' exposed buttocks. Language such as "f**k," "sh*t," "p*ssy," and "c*ck" can be heard in dialogue"
Fantastic. In fact given that I'm 99.99% sure that a good proportion of said dialogue is going to come from the mouth of Tim "Convicted cocaine trafficker turned Buzz Lightyear" Allen (nothing's confirmed, but watch that trailer up there and tell me it isn't him), I'm going to raise you a "fantastic" and use the word "marvellous".
Who's with me?