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5 reasons to hate Minecraft

Let it be known that we love indie games – they’re a great alternative to the same old linear brown shooters that every major developer religiously cranks out these days. That said, people are way too quick to overlook an indie game’s faults just because it wasn’t produced by EA. Minecraft’s meteoric rise to indie stardom has made Markus “Notch” Persson a multimillionaire and established Minecraft as one of the most successful indie games ever made.

But we’re not concerned with success here. We’re concerned with hating…


1. It’s a fad


Art by Alex Barrett 

Remember Pogs and Hypercolor shirts? These things were fads, novelty products that exploded into popularity and sold millions – seemingly overnight – but were forgotten almost as quickly. The internet has multiplied fad phenomenons a million fold, and thanks to viral videos of user generated content spread via congregate sites like Reddit, Minecraft blew up big. Little did most gamers eager to jump on the bandwagon know that those cool BioShock level recreations likely took groups of people hundreds of hours to create, not including the long process of even figuring out how to play the damn game.


2. It’s user-unfriendly

Belying its seemingly simple interface is the cold fact that Minecraft is impenetrable without the Minecraft Wiki. With no tutorial or direction to speak of, Minecraft is unplayable without a browser window open to the wiki so you can figure out what’s possible. I realize that to some people, wandering around and arduously grinding blocks for hours trying to see what random combination of stuff actually does something is fun, but these are the same people who enjoy meticulously micromanaging resource acquisitions and maintaining Excel spreadsheets for their EVE Online accounts.


3. It’s not a game

While we appreciate open-ended games, there’s a difference between having some structure and having none at all. Minecraft stretches the term “game” to its absolute limit. Giving the player a sandbox with no goals is a lot like renaming Microsoft Paint “Art Quest” and claiming it’s the most creative videogame ever made. Minecraft is less a game than it is a digital LEGO box for OCD man-children. The fact that the vast majority of popular Minecraft vids are little more than tributes to videogame characters or internet memes isn’t shocking given the fanbase. What is shocking is the insane amount of time invested in things like making a tribute to the flash-in-the-pan “Deal With It” dog.


4. It’s only fun because you make it fun

Being a completely open-ended game with no real goals or purpose, Minecraft relies on the player to find interesting things to do. This usually boils down to “Build a big house and maybe tunnel into the depths” or “Make it to the Nether and kill a Ghast.” Outside of that, I hope you enjoy grinding for colored blocks and then putting them together forever, because that’s all you’ll be doing here. Having to waste your precious time, creative spark and effort on making a game entertaining seems like a lot of effort for something that’s ultimately little more than a cutely styled plaything.


5. It wastes your creativity

Inspiration for creating music, paintings, sculptures or whatever else is fleeting… it only comes once in a while. So what possible reason is there for you to waste your spark/drive spending 300 hours building a 400-foot tall facsimile of the Reddit guy? Other than pandering to Reddit users for up-votes, of course. Congrats, your hard work has made another viral video to promote the game, more advertising dollars for Reddit and helped Notch acquire yet another solid gold house and rocket car.

Apr 27, 2011

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Topics

Week of Hate

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62 comments

  • jokeSTAR - September 16, 2014 5:10 p.m.

    Minecraft is the dumbest game ever, NOW, all because it's fans are lame and take offense to those who are not into the game, yet go and bash the creator for server down issues or lost data. Comments also such as a person who doesn't like Minecraft "is not open-minded" is just as shallow as a person who doesn't know Minecraft and says "Minecraft is stupid". First off, if you're raving about Minecraft, you're most likely addicted to it, as a game addiction which is probably not a good thing for social skills in the real world. Secondly, if you are hating Minecraft, you probably know someone who is addicted to Minecraft or dislike games all together and just need justification for your own fads. Go enjoy your hobby, we don't bash your hobby. Point is, some will like, haters will hate, to each his own, and remember, IT'S JUST A GAME!!
  • ron-budder - September 13, 2014 4:19 p.m.

    1 your a hater 2 you suck 3bullshit 4 your a facking lie 5GO AWAY
  • saif-hatem - July 15, 2014 7:36 a.m.

    FUCK YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WHY DID YOU WRITE THIS NOOB MINECRAFT IS THE GREATEST GAME EVER YOUR MINIGAMES ARE FUCKING STUIPD MINECRAFT IS THE BEST
  • DogePVP - August 10, 2014 8:37 p.m.

    It is the worst and crappiest game that was ever made.
  • Guest15432 - August 31, 2014 5:40 a.m.

    Minecraft sucks.
  • ben-simon - September 19, 2013 9:18 a.m.

    Fuck you, this is full on retarded. Never post again. Minecraft is a great game.
  • Travis_Steele - July 29, 2013 6:48 p.m.

    1. Minecraft is still sold today to millions. Also, it is on xbox, where it is gaining popularity 2. I spent my first YEAR without the wiki! it is much more fun without it, and it spoils the game for you. 3. Minecraft IS a game. It has an ending, two bosses, and achievements to achieve. 4. It is a fun and challenging game. There are mods you can get, maps to get , parkour courses to complete, adventures to embark on, buildings to build, and nights to survive. 5....Just put this in your URL bar and watch a few videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/Mithrintia ...Very well written report though, I must say!
  • ahkk - May 27, 2013 12:21 p.m.

    this is so true!
  • daniel-dirksen - July 22, 2013 3:15 a.m.

    See the comment below
  • phreaknation - April 21, 2013 5:54 p.m.

    Lets relook at this article. 1. False. If it was a fad it would not have 10 million units sold thus far. 2. False. Their is an entire Wiki plus a first time user guide. https://minecraft.net/game/howtoplay 3. False. Yes it is open ended. With that the same can be said for the original Counter-Strike which offered no single player play. Most of the actual game of minecraft is Multiplayer. 4. False. Just like any other game, you the player make it fun. Games are not fun on their own. Turn on a game leave the room. Are you having fun with that game? No as you need to interact. Once again Multiplayer is most of the game. 5. False. With the advention of red stone and circuitry you can create tons of mechanics and various other working objects such as calculators or clocks or even bit processors.
  • ikedox - July 22, 2013 1:29 p.m.

    your example of counter strike is invalid as it has an actual objective (plant/defuse the bomb). Minecraft has no objective...
  • Moristhecat - January 11, 2013 6:55 p.m.

    Your fourth statement stands true for all games. They're only fun because you make them fun.
  • ollie-russell - August 18, 2012 10:54 a.m.

    FUCK YOU GRIMM, 1. bullshit 2. bullshit (look at a manual of how to play, whats wrong with reading) 3. its not ment to have an ending, otherwise you complete it and never use it again 4. What the fuck is that suppost to mean, you either find it fun or you dont, your not saying god this is boring but ill keep playing because i dont want to lose 20$ (its cheap) so fuck you 5. bullshit, its ment for creativity, whats the point of making a painting, because it looks cool and you enjoy doing it, same thing with minecraft, if you dont like that type of game dont buy it... you are a lying piece of shit, dont ly about a game that is really fun to play and kill boredom like a stake kills hunger, if you are reading this then he is lying, minecraft is one of the best game i have ever played, ive played it for years
  • Moristhecat - January 11, 2013 6:47 p.m.

    It's rather amusing how you can sit there and call Grimm a liar when he's providing perfectly acceptable facts and dashing it with some opinion. "If you are reading this then he is lying, Minecraft is one of the best games [I] have ever played, [I've] played it for years." Not only was this reply extremely childish, but it offered no argument other than to say that you enjoyed it and that apparently means that everyone else should, too. You see, I found Minecraft quite boring after the first week of playing it. Getting lost in caverns, falling victim to lava, losing all my equipment, and getting my property destroyed by creepers is not very fun, either. These may be my personal experiences and I may be expressing my disdain for the game, but I'm not telling those who do enjoy it "YOU'RE WRONG, YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS!"
  • daniel-dirksen - July 22, 2013 3:25 a.m.

    Yup, some humans are kinda stupid but you are putting a few people as representatives for the millions of people who like minecraft. This logical fallacie is called "appriorism." Also, you are being a hypocrite. If it is wrong to use your own opinion to prove a point than it is also wrong to say "[I] found Minecraft quite boring."
  • Yumori - April 3, 2013 5:20 a.m.

    You didnt even make a point. Reasons: 1.What? another tramping minecraft faggot. 2.Manual? What did manual do?!?!?!? Did it have an explanation of how you can destroy trees by your hands? 3.What about skyrim? You never use it again after you killed the boss?Its an adventured game,. 4/20$ is cheap? Wtf man,America is a prosperous country,compared to my country 1$=43 Php. 5.Minecraft cant even create a Single.fucking.moving.car.
  • MonicaJae - August 15, 2012 11:04 p.m.

    notch is a FAT, UGLY PIECE OF SHIT WHO HAD A MARRIAGE TO SOMEONE WHOSE NICK IS EZ (EASY?). Sorry, I misused the word marriage. "Was married" is more what i meant. She probably liked the game, sought him, fucked him for his money, agreed to marry him because he needs to be able to tell people he isn't a virgin anymore, which is probably why the "marriage" ended so quickly because she didn't want to fuck the ugly fat fuck. Make a fucking game that doesn't LAG you fat fuck and make my 10 year old cry. i have a laptop that runs complex games, but not the rudimentary MINECRAP??!!!???? JAVA???? REALLYYYY????!!!! FAt Fuck. So fucking user unfriendly and for reasons other than described in this article. FAT FUCKING FUCK Worst 27 dollars ever spent EVER I'm selling my account for half that if you want it. I'M DONE
  • ollie-russell - August 19, 2012 6:48 a.m.

    your a bullshitting faggot, fuck you asshole, go back to your caravan, also, why u let your son on online games at that age, you are a shit parent
  • derprobrine - September 26, 2012 5:25 a.m.

    God...damn...fking...bitch... if you don't like the game...just respect the maker... DONT FKING JUDGE A PERSON YOU DONT ACTUALY KNOW...
  • daniel-dirksen - July 22, 2013 3:31 a.m.

    That is all ad hominem. You have just tried to prove a point with a paragraph of bad logic. Also, almost every single game on macs use java. Minecraft is not user unfriendly as long as you know how to read. Do you?

Showing 1-20 of 62 comments

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