The Boss didn't just mentor one of the 20th century's greatest soldiers and Smash Bros. Trophies (Naked Snake/Big Boss), she allowed him to kill her in order to secure the fate of the free world. Dr. Phil, however, would have you believe that her "ultimate sacrifice" was giving birth to Revolver Ocelot, (*clap, clap, clap*) even though he grew up to be a complete asshole.
Matriarch Benezia
From: Mass Effect
Mother to: Liara T'Soni, the rachni
Our Lady Benezia won’t reveal the identity of Liara T’Soni’s father, but it’s clear that she has no scruples about interspecies coitus. The asari actually prefer to mate with aliens, so sexual omnivores have reason to rejoice, as do unsightly Babylon 5 fans that've exhausted craigslist a thousand times over.
Producing offspring not your thing? No problem. Benezia’s innate biotic expertise could potentially allow her to create mind-condoms via the manipulation of dark energy, and that’s to say nothing of the tantric possibilities afforded by the ability to freeze time for one-pump chumps. Sadly, Matriarch Benezia is not a playable environment in Mass Effect, so you’ll have to settle for taking her daughter for a roll in the space hay. Which is pretty cool... we guess...
Above: You’ve been a very good Spectre
Jun Kazama
From: Tekken
Mother to: Jin Kazama
Jun’s baby’s daddy, Kazuya, may have fledfor the hills to shirk his paternal duties, but that doesn’t mean this hottie is damaged goods. When not burying her fists in the faces of her extended family, she moonlights as a wildlife officer, and is the only person in a tangled web of ancestry untainted by Devil DNA... so she’s got that going for her.
Above: With so much breeding going on, “Tekken” should replace its first two letters with “F” and “u.” Wait for it...
Mother Brain
From: Metroid
Mother to: Ridley, maybe?
The graphics of the day couldn’t convey the beauty of Mama Brain in the original NES Metroid. So, it wasn’t untilCaptain N The Game Master burst fourth one Saturday morning and dignified the canon by giving her a classy make-up job and the sassy voice of a male soul singer forthe kind ofsensual, lunchlady quality the kids go nuts for.
Above: FEED MEH!
Sexualizing Lady Brain to adolescent boys was an uphill battle, being that she’s little more than a giant pickle jar full of naughty neurons. But once again, the geniuses behind Captain N have rectified the boobless scenario with none other than King Hippo. So as far as ushering pre teens into manhood goes, this cartoon had all their masturbatory ducks in a row.
Above: Do your Moobs hang low?
