Instead, we’re going to celebrate the upcoming Hallmark holiday with some of the worst dates in games. Join us for a trip through the most embarrassing, uncomfortable, and depressing instances of romance gone wrong in games. If we’re lucky, we may even get to spoil a few endings for you in the process. Oh yeah, and happy effing Valentine’s Day!
Above: Try talking to her and pilot your sperm past the obstacles
Above: Look at a loading screen
Above: Try talking to her. Again
Above: Look at a loading screen. Again
Above: Play a bad minigame. This one involves handing out fliers
Above: Look at ANOTHER loading screen
Above: Play ANOTHER bad minigame. This one involves painting the testicles on this bull statue blue. Some refer to this literary device as ‘foreshadowing’
Above: Look at ANOTHER loading screen
Above: We thought Larry was a man of action. Time to talk again
Above: We believe this is the fifth loading screen you’ve been exposed to so far
Above: If you were hoping for another bad minigame, your wish will be granted. Escape from the scientists with a horny monkey
Above: Oh. My. GOD! It’s another loading screen. At least this one’s different
Above: This is it, you’ve got what’s-her-face in your room. This is Larry’s moment to get lucky. Right?
Above: Oh no! Foiled by a masturbating monkey who ejaculates on what’s-her-face’s feet. C’mon. Who didn’t see that coming!
Above: One last loading screen to rub it in before you can save your game
