The Top 7... Unfunny games

2. BMX XXX
2002 | PS2, GameCube, Xbox

Here's a free hint that future game designers should take to heart: if you're making a game that's supposed to be funny and sexy, don't start by setting it in the bleakest, drabbest, most depressingly shit-coated urban wastelands you can dream up. And if you give the players of your BMX stunt game the option to create seminude female riders, make damn sure they don't look all creepy and mannish before you release the game.

That's just for starters. Of course, BMX XXX had to go the extra mile by trying to inject its own subtle brand of asshole comedy into the mix, giving us knee-slappers like a mission where you have to drag a group of whiny, strung-out whores back to their comically abusive pimp. Then, you can pick up a pink poodle from the pimp, do some stunts to get it horny, take it over to some diseased mutt that's making trouble by taking dumps all over a local park, and then watch two polygonal dogs get it on in public. Which they'll continue to do for the duration of the game's first level.

Above: We'll say it again: you need to get a dog horny by doing stunts. If that doesn't scare you off, we don't know what will

After that, you can listen to some foreign hot-dog vendor talk about how tightly he grips his weiner, watch a firefighter do a crotch-level limp-hose gag (all it's missing is a slide-whistle sound effect) and, later, help some random guy overcome his crippling constipation. Genius! As a special bonus, it's all done with awful voice acting and stiff, ugly animation.

BMX XXX's sense of humor was once compared (by its now-defunct publisher) to the movie American Pie, but on further examination, we think it's much closer to American History X. But with fewer laughs.