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Is the world ready for a Columbine-inspired horror?

Not one as crass as this, that’s for sure. After an ominous opening detailing the indignities Dane (Marc Donato) and friends suffer at the hands of their bullies, it’s end-of-term party time – and guess who brought the shooters?

Culled from the movies as much as the news, what follows is so OTT and tacky you hope it’s a satire. Sadly not.

As the assembled Biffs and Heathers meet unconvincing but imaginatively horrible ends, director Joey Stewart keeps his distance, ensuring guilt-free finger-chopping fun for all.

Classy.

Matt Glasby is a freelance film and TV journalist. You can find his work on Total Film - in print and online - as well as at publications like the Radio Times, Channel 4, DVD REview, Flicks, GQ, Hotdog, Little White Lies, and SFX, among others. He is also the author of several novels, including The Book of Horror: The Anatomy of Fear in Film and Britpop Cinema: From Trainspotting To This Is England.