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GamesRadar vs. Shirley Phelps-Roper

But we wanted to chat with her about games over a tall glass of Hatorade. She was nice enough to participate in an interview with the eternally doomed and that takes some character. And guess what? She has a Wii!

WARNING: If you have any affection for God, Country or the military you may want to steer clear of the following interview. She’s got some pretty nasty things to say, so we’ll go ahead andredirectthe overly sensitive away from the mean lady. We at neither share, nor condone any of Mrs. Phelps-Roper’s opinions below and would like to sincerely apologize in advance.


GamesRadar: You’ve appeared on a lot of television shows and your group has become famous for protesting soldiers’ funerals. Why do you guys do that exactly?

Shirley Phelps-Roper: We do it because this nation is sprinting to her destruction. You’ve got the wrath of God abiding upon you. We went to these funerals first to help you connect the dots, from your rebellion against God, and your filthy manner of life to your dead soldiers. The promises of God are laid out plain and unambiguously in those scriptures. And that includes when you won’t obey his commandments, you won’t heed the warning, that he’ll put a hook in your jaw. The Jaw of the Nation. A collective hook and he’ll drag you into a war that you cannot win and dash your children to pieces before your eyes and… on like that.

GR: So you’re against the war or just the military in general?

SPR: The military is just made up of Americans. There’s only two kinds of people who inhabit this country.

GR: And who would that be?

SPR: That you’re either engaged in some kind of disobedience, practicing perversion- to the standards of God I’m talking about- or you’re an enabler to those people.

GR: An enabler?

SPR: [Sighs] Okay. There’s two classes. If you’re not in the first class, you’re probably in the second class. And you’re probably in both.

GR: Me?! Or GamesRadar?

SPR: Whoever. I’m talking to a nation.

GR: Do you play videogames at all?

SPR: [Laughs] Not today, I don’t.

GR: Well, in general. Does your family play games?

SPR: You mean my children?

GR: Yeah. Or the Westboro Baptist Church?

Above: So you know, God has never confirmed any of this

SPR: Well, the Westboro Baptist Church is not a single entity. And neither are we a single household. My household is who I can answer for. I don’t play videogames. But my children play videogames.

GR: What type of games do they play?

SPR: Well, they play some Mario Brothers… I don’t remember the names, but I’d recognize them.

GR: Cool. Have you played at all?

SPR: You mean ever?

GR: Yeah.

SPR: Well sure. I wasn’t always in these particular life circumstances.

GR: Have you played any of the big games right now, like Call of Duty 4?

SPR: No.

GR: Is that because you’re against it?

SPR: No. I don’t know the game so why would I be against it?

GR: Well since your protesting soldiers’ funerals would you be inherently against a military game?

SPR: Oh honey, that’s just such a clueless thing [to say].

GR: Well, we’re here to learn.

SPR: Well why don’t you ask questions and let’s not play games.

GR: But that’s what the questions are about… Okay well, what systems do you have in your household?

SPR: Hold on just a second. [Consults with a nearby child] I dunno, they got something called… it’s a handheld thing.

GR: With two screens? The DS?

SPR: Yeah. I think that’s right. I think some of the children have a DS. And some of the children have another kind that you hold in your hand. I don’t remember what these things are called. It’s something called a Wii?

GR: Oh, you have a Wii? Great. Do you have a PC?

SPR: A PC? You mean like a computer?

GR: Yeah. Do you play any games on that?

SPR: Hon, I don’t play any games.

GR: Why not?

SPR: I don’t have time to play games. You do know I have eleven children and run around this country like a chicken with my head cut off.