Burning Sci Fi Questions

Science fiction and fantasy is all about the BIG questions. Who are we? Why are here? How did Andromeda keep getting recommissioned? Those are perhaps unanswerable, but here we try to respond to some of SF and fantasy most burning posers:

"Who is Number One?"
The Prisoner
Answer: Well, it’s Number Six in a monkey mask, of course. Glad we cleared that up. Obvious really, wasn't it?

"Am I mad, in a coma, or back in time?"
Life On Mars
Answer:" F**k knows, and we’ve seen the last episode.

"Who killed Laura Palmer?"
Twin Peaks
Answer: Her dad, Leland Palmer. But it wasn't his fault, he was being possessed by Evil Bob at the time.

"Who watches the Watchmen?"
Answer: A few million people around the globe last weekend, at least

"Scooby-Doo, where are you?"
Answer: Hiding in a cupboard somewhere with Shaggy (where's the slash, that's what we want to know?)

"Are you my mummy?"
Doctor Who, "The Empty Child"
Answer: Yes, if you're called Florence and managed to conceal an underage pregnancy during World War II. Which we're guessing you're not.

"Are you local?"
The League Of Gentleman
Answer: Just run.

"Are you alive?"
Battlestar Galactica
Answer: Chances are, you probably wouldn't know if you weren't. Ask Tigh. Just lie.

"Is it a bird? Is it a plane?"
Answer: Have you been to Specsavers?

"Who ya gonna call?"
Answer: Not 118 118, that's for sure.

"Do androids dream of electric sheep?"
Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?
Answer: Dunno. Build an android and ask it. And while you're at it, enquire about upturned turtles.

"Have you seen this boy?"
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Answer: Yeah, in rehab.

"Did I fall asleep?"
Answer: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz