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50 Best Movie Beards

Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate The Pirates! in an Adventure With Scientists (2012)

The Character: A not-very-subtly disguised stowaway, SCP (voiced by Ashley Jensen) is a lover and a fighter. Despite the surprisingly child-bearing hips and an affection for the Captain that borders on cuddliness, she's as good a pirate as the rest - cutlas, plank-walk, beard and all.

The Beard: Pretty flimsy, if we're being honest. Top marks for beardy subterfuge though.

Strokability: In reality, not so much - what with it being crafted from Aardman clay and all.

Noah Calhoun The Notebook (2004)

The Character: A charming country boy (played, of course, by Ryan Gosling) who has a whirlwind romance with Allie Hamilton (Rachel McAdams). But can it last the end of the summer?

The Beard: A RIDICULOUSLY hot beard that only serves to make Ryan Gosling EVEN MORE RIDICULOUSLY HOT than he already is.

Strokability: YOU’RE KIDDING RIGHT?

Vitruvius The LEGO Movie (2013)

The Character: A blind wizard and one of the Master Builders (read: Crazy Cool Guys) of Bricksburg. Has the voice of Morgan Freeman.

The Beard: A moulded bit of white plastic that’s been made to look like a beard.

Strokability: It’s made of plastic, so…

Ben Richards The Running Man (1987)

The Character: A police pilot who’s accused of committing a massacre, Ben (Arnold Schwarzenegger) becomes a contestant in a futuristic game show in which contestants fight for their lives.

The Beard: A relatively tame brunette smattering of hair – and one of the few times Arnie’s actually donned the facial fluff.

Strokability: We’re not sure an action man like Richards would welcome a beard stroke…

President Prime Minister Admiral General Haffaz Aladeen The Dictator (2012)

The Character: Leader of the Republic of Wadiya. He’s so immature that he makes Ali G look positively ancient.

The Beard: Black, woolly and perfectly symmetrical with the PM’s impressive 'do.

Strokability: Stroking probably isn’t an option, but this beard definitely looks super-absorbent.

Zod Superman II (1982)

The Character: Kryptonian leader with an ego the size of a planet. Enjoys wearing plunging necklines and scowling at people. A lot.

The Beard: A no-nonsense, shortly-cropped black beard that positively screams “INTERGALACTIC VILLAIN!”

Strokability: More likely to be stroked by Zod as he schemes away – try it yourself and end up in the Phantom Zone.

Stoick The Vast - How To Train Your Dragon (2010)

The Character: Viking leader who values nothing above the ability to kill/stab/destroy dragons. Sadly, his son Hiccup doesn’t seem to have much fight in him.

The Beard: Just as vast as his name suggests, this beard is bright red, massive and is even plaited off at the ends. Attention to detail is everything.

Strokability: Uh, Stoick’s a Viking, so we’d say NOT stroking his beard is pretty good for your health.

Ron Burgundy Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

The Character: Legendary news anchor Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) turns to facial hair at his lowest ebb - when he accidentally tells San Diego to go f*ck itself, he swiftly becomes unemployed, friendless and very beardy.

The Beard: As Hobo-y as they come, all unkempt and probably smelly. Throw in a milk guzzling that drips all over the place, and it's not a good place to me.

Strokability: That thing will smell of lactose for weeks. "Milk was a bad choice," indeed.

Leonidas 300 (2006)

The Character: Badass, six-packed king of the Spartans. Likes yelling things like “THIS IS SPARTA!”

The Beard: A Grecian masterpiece befitting of a king.

Strokability: We’d only agree to stroke it if he agreed to put away those sharp pointy things.

Moses The Ten Commandments (1956)

The Character: Moses (Charlton Heston). Parted the Red Sea. Climbed Mount Sinai. Received the Ten Commandments from on high. You know the chap.

The Beard: Damn near godly in its unerring fullness – this is the kind of beard you hope Santa Claus has. Or God, for that matter.

Strokability: So strokable we'd probably have a religious experience at a single touch.