The Ghost And The Darkness (1996)
Sounds Like: A haunted house scare-fest in the classic style, as a young governess finds herself stalked by things that go bump in the night.
Actually Is: The story of a pair of rogue lions in 19th century Africa.
Sounds Like: A mind-numbing documentary on road safety, with voiceover work courtesy of John Craven.
Actually Is: A twisty-turny tale of the drug industry. Does contain some cars, in fairness.
Cinderella Man (2005)
Sounds Like: A Rob Schneider vehicle, in which he plays an average slob who accidentally gets transformed into a fairy.
Actually Is: Russell Crowe playing a washed-up boxer on the road to redemption. Who knew?
The NeverEnding Story (1984)
Sounds Like: A refuge for those wishing to opt out of life entirely and dedicate the rest of their days to a whimsical fantasy adventure.
Actually Is: Less than two hours long. We want our money back!
Home Alone 2: Lost In New York (1992)
Sounds Like: The story of a young boy who is left at home in New York by his family when they head off on vacation.
Actually Is: The story of a young boy on a parent-free jaunt to NYC. Come on now, is he home alone or is he lost in New York? You can’t have it both ways.
The Aristocrats (2005)
Sounds Like: A glossy period drama starring Colin Firth and Keira Knightley and including a snarky cameo from Maggie Smith.
Actually Is: The repeated telling of an exceedingly dirty joke. Julian Fellowes would not approve.
Sounds Like: A festive romp for all the family, set in a magical nether-land where it’s Christmas 365 days per year!
Actually Is: The horrifying account of the real-life “Bodies In The Barrels” murders that rocked South Australia throughout the ‘90s. Not so family-friendly after all…
Sounds Like: A bright and sunny romp, possibly a rom-com, possibly starring Zooey Deschanel.
Actually Is: Todd Solondz’s ultra-bleak tale of perversion and heartbreak. There had already been a film titled Misery you see…
Million Dollar Baby (2004)
Sounds Like: A comedy caper about a wilful infant who suddenly finds himself in charge of a million-dollar company. Hilarious antics ensue.
Actually Is: A heartbreaking boxing drama about an under-appreciated trainer and his feisty young protégé.
Reservoir Dogs (1992)
Sounds Like: A gentle, feature-length nature documentary about a rare species of water-dwelling canines.
Actually Is: A blood-spattered crime flick in which a man has his ear brutally parted from his head. Whatever would Attenborough make of it?