A surveillance camera?!
Hideo Kojima is many things to many people. Creator of the Metal Gear series. The dialogue-fetishizing king of cutscenes. The father of Silent Hills. Prolific tweeter of lunches. And, given his propensity for getting into bizarre situations with a camera nearby, he's the subject of some of the weirdest and funniest game-related photography on the internet.
So great is the awesome factor in this Kojima digital photo collection that we knew we had to share its splendor with all of you. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wonder why you don't have a Drive jacket or a thousand gaming awards, and Hideo Kojima will tell you with the aid of funny captions. He knows exactly what you're thinking, after all. He can read your memory card.
"After years of meditation, I have finally transformed my genitals into a horrified duck."
"Look at this man! His genitals can't turn into anything!"
"And if I really concentrate, I can fire a tiny person out."
Kojima-senpai notices you. Kojima-senpai notices everything.
His smile in the background will chill your bones and possibly empty your bladder.
You're not getting any of this cake, and Kojima's gonna make sure you know it.
"Christ, that Itagaki. What the fuck is he wearing? Does he think this is a bloody circus or something? Goddamn embarrassment, everywhere we go."
Kojima takes bedazzling to its natural conclusion.
"Merry Christmas, Mum."
It was well-known that Kojima and Suda51 had the politest rap battles around.
"WTF? How does this work? There's no scrolly menu. Which end do the bullets go in?"
Kojima was considerably less impressed with his piece of paper than his friend was.
"Hahahahaha! But who has the prettiest face? I do, don't I? It's me, isn't it? Yes."
"They really thought I flew to Germany to talk about BOXES?"
Kojima finds his farts way funnier than anyone else does.
Sometimes he finds them way too funny.
But sometimes he goes too far.
And a new pair of pants is required.
Sparklier than the sparkliest Twilight vampire.
Despite varying levels of skill, the Kojima charades team remained hopeful of their chances...
...only to be met with shattering disappointment.
Kojima's reaction to zombies was always a strange mix of all-consuming terror and erotic pleasure.
Kojima and Cliffy B have one thing to say to the man.
Looks like he rolled SNAKE EYES.
There's no motion capture going on here, he just wore that out. Kojima makes neon green and cotton balls look good.
But it's tiring being a trendsetter.
"I love you, Fox Engine. I love you so much I could kiss you. Mmmmm, smoochy-smoochy-smoo."
Chat Roulette had seemed such a good idea that morning, but Kojima was not impressed with what he saw.
"Snake? Snake? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE."
"Mmmmmm, this cosplayer smells good. The guy behind him, I do not know about yet."
"May the Force be with me. Not you."
"Snake, do you like my glasses?"
Kojima is 100% certain that this is an accurate depiction of the American flag and you will not question him.
Kojima was having a good day. But little did he know, the girl in the blue top had been following him for weeks. She was always just behind him. Watching. Waiting.
"This is where I keep my awards. Do you have these awards? No you do not. Because I have them. Punk."
"Watch out, Beaky. We must be ever vigilant. They will not stop looking for us as long as they think we're still alive."
"Ah say who... who here has a beers? I demand another beers. Barkeep!"
Suddenly the Raiden mariachi outfit makes so much sense.
Kojima shows off his best Lisa impression.
You know, Lisa.
"Count sheep to help me sleep? I will do this. Make them sexy sheep."
"This is not how you do a magazine cover. That, that behind me. That is how you do a magazine cover."
"Er, guys? I think this Global Hypercolor t-shirt is broken. Guys?"
"Ooooh maan that last brownie was a biiiiiig mistake."
"Hell of a weekend though. I'm still paying for it, but hell of a weekend."
BAFTA and Kojima share a love for men with one messed-up eye. They understand each other like no one else can.
Kojima and del Toro are adorable when they're plotting how best to make you shit yourself in fear.
"Every man wants the Drive jacket. BUT KOJIMA ALWAYS GETS WHAT HE WANTS."
That awkward moment when you sit down too hard and miss the stool by six inches.
Kojima isn't a model, the camera just went off.
"This guy's intense serial-killer staring is freaking me out", they both thought.
That awkward moment when you run into someone who still hasn't got over Raiden.
"Ahahahahaha! It is like my face. But it is not my face. Because my face is over here. But my it is a pretty phone because it is like my face. You all must have one."
There's always some asshole who messes up the photo by looking the wrong way.
I genuinely have no idea why the hell the things in this image could be happening either.
Kojima's 'Wear Something Shiny or GTFO' parties are always such a laugh.
Kojima's personal sniper-spotter's senses pricked up. Was that a predator in that tree? Or was it just a large leaf?
These days Kojima is too big for public transport. He won't travel on anything less than the shoulder of his giant Snake mech.
Is it Photoshopped or real? The fact that you have to ask...
Kojima couldn't help it. He was miked-up, he felt another fart coming, and it was going to be hilarious.
Some thought that Kojima's progressive fashion sense had gone too far. But he didn't care. His new left shoulder pad was awesome.
Kojima is a serious developer. This is a serious game.
Do you think love can bloom even in a photo gallery?
You now have but a small taste of the majesty that is Hideo Kojima, laser-eyed pioneer auteur and lover of cardboard boxes. Which of these images brought you to tears? Was it out of laughter, or wonder at witnessing Kojima levels of awesomeness? Know any incredible Hideo photos we missed? Sound off in the comments below!
You've seen the face of Kojima, now how about the fruits of his mind? Check out our Metal Gear Solid 5: Phantom Pain Road to the Review, and what we know about Silent Hills so far.