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Time Killers
(Arcade, Genesis)
Death is in a constant struggle with Life in order to gain control over “All That Is”…or…something. Concocting an evil scheme, Death pulls eight warriors from the flow of time and tricks them into battling to the death with the promise of immortality. Once the warriors have killed one another, Death will claim dominion over all existence! Wait a minute…what?
Why did it suck?
TK differentiates itself from other fighters in that it takes the skill and finesse aspect typically associated with the genre, chokes/gags it, and then throws it into a black windowless van to never be seen again. Fighters literally just bash into each other until somebody dies. It’s like some sort of psychotic reimagining of bumper cars (except the bumper car screams when you chop its arms off). Likewise, every character has an instant kill move. That’s right – your opponent can lop your head off and end the round in the first two seconds (which, upon deeper reflection, is probably a good thing).
Above: Excalibur!!!!
If Mortal Kombat was the big man on campus in terms of 90’s fighting games (and it was), then Time Killers would have been Mortal Kombat’s horribly disfigured cousin. TK appeared in November of 1992 (a little under a month after the release of the first Mortal Kombat) featuring a small pastiche of violent sociopaths from various eras. It doesn’t seem right to call the game an MK clone considering that both were released at practically the same time; plus, TK presents itself more like an awkward satire of the fighting game genre instead of an actual game that’s meant to be enjoyed.
Absolute lowest point?
Dark Rift
(Nintendo 64, PC)
What is it about?
As the spiritual successor to the underwhelming Criticom, Dark Rift recounts the struggles between the Dark, Neutral, and Light Dimensions. Each of these Dimensions seeks to combine three crystal fragments into a Master Key that blahblahblah wordswordswords so Sonork organizes a tournament to lure the owner of the Light Prime Element out of hiding.
Why did it suck?
Developed by Kronos Digital Entertainment, Dark Rift was the Nintendo 64’s first actual fighting game (and would later function as a warning sign to other fighting game developers on what not to do). This game was special in that it looked at all the mechanics that made 90’s fighting games fun (i.e. imaginative characters, rings outs, finishing moves, blood, etc) and decided to employ none of that in its design.
Above: Meh…
Dark Rift is truly an odd sort of game. It exists in a realm of utter grey blandness and lackluster mediocrity. This strange alternate dimension offers neither landmarks to catch your eye nor any glaring faults to invite harsh criticisms. It exists in an eternal state of “meh.”
Absolute lowest point?
The BlazBlue Series
(Arcade, Xbox 360, PS3, PSP)
Just kidding. These games rock.
