The Chronicles of Riddick
Length: 119 mins
Why That's Too Long: Pitch Black succeeded so well because it was lean, mean and focused. The Chronicles of Riddick did the complete opposite, pumping so much space opera, melodrama and superfluous characters into the mix that it drastically missed the point of why fans had loved Riddick in the first place.
How We'd Fix It: Remove all the additional characters and sub-plots who brought nothing to the table (Judi Dench, as much as we love you, we're looking at you). So, in other words, a movie that looks pretty darn similar to forthcoming threequel Riddick ….
Gangs Of New York (2002)
Length: 167 mins
Why That's Too Long: It was a passion project for Scorsese over many years and you have to wonder whether the story got padded out a little along the way.
How We'd Fix It: Focus on the fascinating chemistry between Day-Lewis and DiCaprio and ditch the Diaz romance.
Empire
Length: 485 mins
Why That's Too Long: Andy Warhol's silent black-and-white film is eight hours and five minutes of continuous slow motion footage of the Empire State Building. And, well, that's it.
How We'd Fix It: Admittedly, he was probably going for more of an art experiment than coherent narrative, but surely *SARCASM ALERT* four hours would've served as perfunctorily as eight?
Independence Day (1996)
Length: 145 mins
Why That's Too Long: Global warfare or not, this is still a sci-fi flick about alien invasion. Most manage to tell that story in around 90 minutes.
How We'd Fix It: Edit out some of the character backstories. We don’t need to get to know Randy Quaid and we certainly don’t need to give two hoots about dog Boomer.
As Good As It Gets (1997)
Length: 139 mins
Why That's Too Long: It’s an oddball romantic ‘dramedy’. Not a war-torn love story.
How We'd Fix It: Tighten up the plotting and keep things snappy. Everyone gives great performances but the film ambles along at too a leisurely a pace to ever be smart and snappy.
Cast Away (2000)
Length: 143 mins
Why That's Too Long: We love Tom Hanks, but this is an awfully long film for any one man to shoulder completely by himself.
How We'd Fix It: End the film as he gets off the island. That’s the real story after all – we don’t need to see the aftermath.
The Aviator (2004)
Length: 170 mins
Why That's Too Long: To be honest, we always felt that the interesting Howard Hughes story to be told is his battle with depression and his inner demons. Something that is only really explored fully towards the end of this extensive running time.
How We'd Fix It: We’d cut down Hughes’ early life to concentrate on him at the height of his fame.
Kingdom Of Heaven (2005)
Length: 144 mins
Why That's Too Long: We never thought we’d say this but there’s only so much sword-swinging we can take.
How We'd Fix It: The battle scenes are exciting but… a little too long? Scott could have probably cut a huge chunk of these down without changing the story one bit.
White Chicks
Length: 110 mins
Why That's Too Long: From the moment the prosthetics come on, the whole exercise goes from bad to distastefully terrible worse.
How We'd Fix It: Well, for starters, we wouldn't have introduced the whole cross-dressing, racial-stereotyping thing…
Zodiac (2007)
Length: 157 mins
Why That's Too Long: Based on real events it may be, but this is still a very simple murder mystery at heart.
How We'd Fix It: Focus on the mystery and cut down the personal lives of the people involved. It IS sad that Jake Gyllenhaal’s wife leaves him over his obsession but really, we just want to know who did it. And quickly.
