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Sports round-up
The Moment: Alan gives an overview of the year’s sporting highlights on The Day Today , including the Tour De France (“Carrying bikes on top of a car is not a sportsman-like way to run this race”), the athletics (“Not a lot happening… quite unremarkable really… Oh good, someone’s fallen”) and diving (“Down, double-back twister, bangs his head on the board and in. Textbook”). Alan then goes on to compare a boxing match to a time when he saw two naked men box bareknuckled in a barn in Somerset.
Most Quotable Line: “You join me in the helicopter now as we look down on these cyclists that look somehow like cattle in a mad way. But cattle on bikes.”
We spoke to Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa 's star (Steve Coogan), director (Declan Lowney) and writers (Neil and Rob Gibbons) to discuss their own favourite Partridge moments. Watch the video below...
Alans take on superfan Jed
The Moment: Although Alan Partridge’s autobiography largely skips over the parts of his life that we have already seen in I’m Alan Partridge for fear of treading old ground, his own questionable description of his infamous confrontation with superfan Jed Maxwell is priceless, thanks to the hugely exaggerated glorification of his own fighting skills.
Most Quotable Line: “I’ve turned his testicles into a couple of bollock pancakes and it feels good. “Would you like lemon juice with them, sir?” I roar inside my head.”
Insulting the Irish
The Moment: Alan has brunch with two executives from Irish studio channel RTE and, of course, manages to insult their heritage in every way possible, from discovering what U2’s Sunday Bloody Sunday is really about and declaring it depressing, to getting down to business by saying “Your programme – what’s de big oi-dea?”
Most Quotable Line: “U2 – oh, fantastic. Sunday Bloody Sunday. Really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday. You wake up in the morning, you’ve got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running around, you’ve got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think ‘Sunday, bloody Sunday!’”
Gambling Alan
The Moment: On the radio version of Knowing Me Knowing You, Alan takes on a professional US gambler Jack ‘The Black’ Calson and goes on to reveal his secret formula for winning at roulette: if you toss a coin and it lands on heads, then the next time you toss it, it must land on tails. It’s a concept that Jack laughs at, goading Alan into a bet that sees him gamble away his maroon Ford Granada and his wife’s Nissan Micra.
Most Quotable Line: The classic follow-up “On that bombshell…”
Sacking Glen Ponder
The Moment: In his special French episode, Alan discovers that “Judas Ponder” invited everyone out – including Alan’s guests, his band, his security guard and a random accordion man – for a fun night out, but didn’t leave Alan any message to join them. Alan promptly sacks him on the spot.
Most Quotable Line: “You’re sacked. You are sacked. I’m sacking you. In fact, it’s happened – it’s over. You are a sacked man. You’ve been sacked. You are the subject of a sacking. I want you off these premises in 10 minutes. Knowing me Alan Partridge, *sacking* you Glen Ponder. A-ha!”
Alans secret drawer
The Moment: Throughout one episode of I’m Alan Partridge , Lynn worries Alan by saying that she has been tidying his room but assures him that she didn’t go near his drawer. Later on, though, when Alan is out of the room, the Lynn and the Tavern staff are seen to be looking in the drawer and giggling.
Most Quotable Line: “Tidying? What do you mean… tidying?
Interviewing the Milky Bar Kid
The Moment: In a stand-up routine performed by Coogan, he reprises the role of Alan Partridge in order to interview the one-time Milky Bar Kid – played by Simon Pegg – whose life took a swift downward turn after the commercial, leading to drink, drugs and selling his body for sex.
Most Quotable Line: “When you had sex with these men – a terrible, terrible thing – were you actually wearing the costume? And… did you say the catchphrase?” His guest replies in the affirmative - “after they finished”.
Zombie Alan
The Moment: Stuck in the Linton Travel Tavern during refurbishment, boredom gets the better of Alan and he dresses up as a zombie to surprise the hotel staff - featuring ketchup blood stains, tungsten-tipped screws as claws, biscuits sellotaped his face, a shower curtain as a "flap of dead skin" and something “hanging down between your legs”.
Most Quotable Line: “It’s a flex off a mini-kettle. It’s supposed to be a tail.”
Hypnotising Alan
The Moment: Inviting hypnotist Tony Mesmer on to his chat show was never going to be the smartest idea, especially when Alan offers to be hypnotised himself, at first acting like the mischievous owl of his dreams, and then driving woman of his dreams Ursula Andress to “The Moat House Hotel in High Wycombe. They know me there. They’re very discreet. You’ll love it – it’s got a 24-hour carvery.”
Most Quotable Line: “Ursula! I’ve always wanted to meet you, I can’t believe it’s you. I like the bikini, very nice. I love all your films, I’ve got all of them. From Dr No right through to... all the others.”
Comic Relief on Mid-morning Matters
The Moment: Alan and Sidekick Simon cover Red Nose Day on their radio show, starting with an elated point at the nose props, but quickly descending into an explanation about the health of alcoholics.
Most Quotable Line: “Boozers do have red noses, don’t they? Because the alcohol dilates the capillaries, leads to burst blood vessels, which of course leads to swelling of the nose, causing indignity as well as ill health. Ok… I think I’ll take this off now – I think we’ve made the point.”
