Lars And The Real Girl (2007)
The Love Story: Shy and retiring Lars has all but given up on finding a soulmate until Bianca enters his life. Before long, he is very much in love. Awwwww.
The Weird: Oh, didn’t we mention? Bianca is a sex doll. Not so cute now, is it?
Better Match: Thankfully, Lars eventually graduates to spending his time with a real woman in the shape of Kelli Garner. As for Bianca…maybe she and Chuckie could have a thing? Then again, maybe not.
Pretty Woman (1990)
The Love Story: It’s that age-old story of man-meets-prostitute, as Richard Gere and Julia Roberts discover a love that transcends social status and (eventually) financial transaction.
The Weird: Let’s see…he’s not only a man who pays for sex, but a man whose idea of romance is to take advantage of someone less fortunate than himself and brainwash her into conforming to his idea of female perfection. Nice.
Better Match: She’d be much better off with that nice Clarence Worley. Now there’s a man who knows how to treat a hooker.
The Muppet Movie (1979)
The Love Story: One of Hollywood’s most famous odd-couples, Miss Piggy and Kermit were simply made for each other.
The Weird: She’s so bossy, whereas he seems like such a laidback kind of guy. It’s a strange one, because he could pretty much have his pick, and she’s so high maintenance. Oh, and then there’s the fact that he’s a frog and she’s a pig! Ewww.
Better Match: Porky Pig would show Miss Piggy a good time. They don’t call him “Porky” for nothing you know…
The Love Story: Less a romance and more an ongoing competition to see who can out-sulk the other, Edward and Bella’s off-on relationship is the beating heart of the Twilight Saga .
The Weird: Bella is seventeen. Edward is 108. Do you need us to draw you a picture?
Better Match: Don’t worry, there’s someone else on the agenda anyway. He’s a werewolf? Oh for God’s sake…
The Love Story: Human Jake and Na’avi Neytiri fall for each other when the former invades the latter’s homeworld with a view to harvesting its natural resources. Not the most promising of starts to a relationship, but Jake soon sees the error of his ways and decides to joing Neytiri’s people for keeps. Aaaah.
The Weird: He has to change species in order to make things work. Most blokes would balk at changing their haircut.
Better Match: Pocahontas is basically the exact same person as Neytiri, and she’s human to boot!
The Love Story: Sam and Molly may have been parted by death, but that’s not going to stop their romance from flourishing across the veil. They have pots to make, dammit!
The Weird: Taking aside the notion that spirits remain sexually active beyond the grave, Sam pesters Molly like a ghostly stalker! It’s over mate. Let it go.
Better Match: He and the Corpse Bride can head off to the hereafter together leaving poor Molly in peace!
Howard The Duck (1986)
The Love Story: Howard is a lost soul in a strange new land. Fortunately he can count on the lovely Beverly to help him find his feet…
The Weird: Howard is a giant, alien duck who makes lascivious comments every time his nubile young friend gives him the opportunity. Seriously, this is all kinds of wrong.
Better Match: There’s a distinct shortage of man-sized ducks down here on planet Earth so Howard might struggle. Daisy Duck is the best we can come up with. Donald might have something to say about that, mind…
Bride Of Chucky (1998)
The Love Story: Chucky is so in love with his human girlfriend that he slits her throat and transfers her soul into the body of a doll, just so they can be together. What a charmer!
The Weird: When somebody threatens to kill you because they “love you too much”, that’s about the time when you should start running.
Better Match: Chucky should hook-up with the possessed sex doll in bargain-basement horror Blown . They’d have a right old laugh together.
The Time Traveller's Wife (2009)
The Love Story: Gorgeous everywoman Claire Abshire finds her life turned upside down when she falls in love with dashing time traveller Henry DeTamble.
The Weird: We’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. What’s weird about this is that Henry visits Claire as a little girl, in a slightly creepy cross between paternal love and something more romantic. Not only does he appear before her with his kit off, he even shags her when she’s a teenager. Something of a grey area there old chap…
Better Match: If she’s after a time traveller, she should look up Marty McFly. He’s never been involved with anything weird! Except for that business with his mother…
Shrek 2 (2004)
The Love Story: Nope, we’re not talking about the ogre love-fest between Shrek and Fiona…we’re referring to the union between Donkey and the massive purple dragon.
The Weird: Not only does Dragon take a shine to Donkey, the pair evidently have sex, as proven by the brood of “dronkeys” that turn up at the end of the film. Bleurgh.
Better Match: Dragon would be far happier with Toothless, who handily, is a dragon himself.