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Sir Shaun
For Services To: Mankind. When faced with legions of gurning, shuffling zombies, Shaun doesn’t go down without a mammoth tussle, pulling his family together and fighting to survive until the bitter end. He even sticks with his mate even after he's joined the slathering ranks of the undead. Now that's loyalty.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “Could’ve done some damage with that.”
Sir Sam Loomis
For Services To: Haddonfield, and young Laurie Strode. Having taken young killer Michael Myers into Smiths Grove for psychological analysis, Loomis shows he’s also a bit of a hero when Michael escapes, tracking him back to his hometown and doing everything in his power to stop him.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “Your eyes, the devil’s eyes…”
Sir John Hammond
For Services To: Science, in a word. Through his pioneering work, Hammond discovers a way to resurrect extinct dinosaurs using DNA captured in amber. Or something. Even if it ended up being entirely ill-advised (the meddling of Dennis Nedry didn't help), it was the most important scientific breakthrough perhaps since the beginning of time.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “Oh, lovely. Now I can have a pop at resurrecting the Knights of the Round Table!"
Sir James Bond
For Services To: Queen and country. Bond has done more than his fair share of international sleuthing, bringing down some of the world’s evilest evil masterminds, even in the face of certain death. It's not just any man that could handle being electrocuted in the gonads, and still come out looking tough as nails.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “I’m shaken, and a little stirred.”
Lady Victoria
For Services To: The universe. Seriously, have you seen how cool this woman looks while wielding a machine gun? The cosmos would be a sad, barren place without her. So let’s celebrate her with a nod from the Queen.
Response To Having Sword On Her Shoulder: “Call that a sword? Now THIS is a sword.”
Sir Severus Snape
For Services To: Hogwarts, and the wizard community at large. Working from the inside of Voldemort’s evil troupe, Professor Snape convinces everybody – including the Dark Lord himself – that he’s as up for pain and destruction as the next Death Eater. Then he spectacularly turns the tables.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “Is that pure silver? Thought not."
Sir Harry Brown
For Services To: London council estates. Unlike most OAPs, Brown isn’t content to let the hoodies and chavs seize control of his home turf, fighting fire with fire by descending to their level and giving them a right proper spanking. We aspire to be him.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “I did it all for Leonard, bloods.”
Sir Hobson
For Services To: Playboy Arthur Bach. Working as Arthur’s valet, Hobson is more of a second father to the spoilt millionaire. He’s particularly worthy of the knighthood owing to his frequent and selfless attempts to make Arthur’s life better, even going so far as encouraging love of his life Linda to not give up on him.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “One is honoured and flattered. Yee-haw.”
Sir Jack Sparrow
For Services To: High-seas adventures. Swigging his way from one catastrophe to another, Sparrow may be the cause of many of his problems, but his heart’s normally in around the right place. He’s also saved as many lives as he’s ruined.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “Eassshy theeer love, theesh dreadsh are expenshive.”
Lady Rita OGrady
For Services To: British women. Rita made history in 1968 when she spearheaded a strike campaign at the Dagenham Ford factory, where men were being paid far more than women. Refusing to give up, Rita was instrumental in bringing about the Equal Pay Act 1970. Hurrah!
Response To Having Sword On Her Shoulder: "I suppose a man made that..."
Sir Fagin
For Services To: Homeless children. Instead of letting them run ragged on the London streets, Fagin provides a home for the scruffy little nuisances, as well as a quality of life infinitely better than what they’d have without him. Sure, they pick a few pockets for him, but you gotta survive, ain’t ya?
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “’Ow much you think that’d fetch?”
Sir T.E. Lawrence
For Services To: Britain and Arabia. Sure, his loyalties are divided, but in that very fact Lawrence manages to raise the issue of senseless international fighting. His struggle to deal with the violent actions that he undertakes also mark him out as a thoughtful man of character and strength.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “Fight me like a man! Oh, wait…”
Sir Harold Abrahams
For Services To: Prejudice fighting. A Jewish athlete, Abrahams suffered anti-Semitism while studying at Cambridge, but never let it get him down. He became the first person to complete the Trinity Great Court Run, then represented Britain at the 1924 Olympics. Later, he would become the elder statesman of British athletics.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: "I've paid my Jews."
Lady Lara Croft
For Services To: No, not geeky gamers, but the world at large. Rather than squandering her riches, Lady Croft utilises them in order to take down the enemy. Anywhere she suspects injustice is being dealt, or a treasure is in need of rescuing from greedy corporate hands, Lara will be there. She’s also really smart and athletic, which makes her a decent role model and stuff.
Response To Having Sword On Her Shoulder: "What a fine specimen. Or it would be if it wasn't a fake..."
Sir Mark Darcy
For Services To: The British public. How? By taking moany, moapy Bridget Jones off the singles market and ensuring that no other sod has to go on a date with her. He also deserves the knighthood for actually putting up with the neurotic fusspot - as well as those dreadful jumpers.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “I say, right, gosh, honestly, crumbs…”
Sir Charles Waterbury
For Services To: England. Wrongly imprisoned, accused of selling secrets to Russian spies, Waterbury works for the Foreign Office. The fact that he’s then cleared of all charges is a blessing, but he's still suffered a fair bit – a knighthood would definitely make up for that.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “I accept your apology, your Majesty.”
Sir Howie
For Services To: Next year’s bountiful harvest? Oh, alright, he deserves it for attempting to do right, going about his business investigating a missing girl on a remote island with all the professionalism you’d expect from a man on the beat. Not his fault he never makes it out alive. Deserves the honour, though.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “That would’ve been useful when I was stuck in that wicker abomination.”
Sir Austin Powers
For Services To: Numerous women, mostly. He’s no prude when it comes to jumping in the sack, though Powers is also a brilliant international spy who deserves recognition for all the evil plots he’s taken down. Even if it is mostly by accident.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “Is that a sword, baby, or are you just happy to see me?”
Sir Jack Carter
For Services To: The gangster-fearing residents of Newcastle-Upon-Tyne. In the eyes of the law, Carter might be a bit of a vengeance-seeking vigilante, but there’s no denying he did his bit to clean up the streets. We’re sure the Queen would agree.
Response To Having Sword On His Shoulder: “Makes a change from a rifle.”
Lady Laura Little Voice Hoff
For Services To: The arts. She may be super-shy, and exploited by manager Ray Say, but Little Voice is one talented wee bird – and boy can she sing. You name the artist, she’ll deliver a pitch perfect impersonation that crashes right up into the Gods. Édith Piaf, Shirley Bassey, Judy Garland... There ain't nothing this one can't do.
Response To Having Sword On Her Shoulder: “Eee by gum, whorran honour.”
