My Bosss Daughter (2003)
The Romance: Tom (Ashton Kutcher) is crushing on Lisa (Tara Reid), the daughter of his boss. But he can’t get anywhere near her thanks to her Guatemala-guard-like father.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Oh look, it’s Ashton Kutcher again. And he’s still being a complete dolt, safe-guarding an Owl for a drugged-up loon and then quickly losing it. Hilarity!
Redeeming Feature? Michael Madsen’s in it. And he only chooses the very best B movies to star in, which has to say something about it.
Dirty Love (2005)
The Romance: Photographer Rebecca (Jenny McCarthy) catches her beau Richard in bed with another lady and plans revenge. Could gawky mate John (Eddie Kaye Thomas) really be the man of her dreams?
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Rebecca goes on a date with a guy who gives her ecstasy and has a fetish for fish. Where’s Bridget Jones when you need her?
Redeeming Feature? McCarthy’s only made three movies since. Thank Buddha for small mercies.
Say It Isnt So (2001)
The Romance: Gilbert (Chris Klein) stumbles into his meet-cute with Jo (Heather Graham) when he goes to her hair salon for a trim. After she snips off half his ear (ah, young love), then takes him home to her horrible parents, they finally hop in the sack.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: A detective attempting to find Gilbert’s biological mother reveals that he’s found her – only it’s Jo’s mother! Zoik!
Redeeming Feature? Sally Field is joyously screechy and horrible as Jo’s self-centered mother. We like to pretend she’s like this in real life as well.
All About Steve (2009)
The Romance: Lonely crossword writer Mary (Sandra Bullock) goes on a blind date with the extremely attractive and accomplished Steve (Bradley Cooper), a cameraman for CNN. And, miracle of miracles, she likes him. Sad thing is, he doesn’t feel the same way…
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Mary thinks her only friend in the world is her pet hamster, and talks to him. A lot. Gah!
Redeeming Feature? For those so inclined, Bradley Cooper really is a well-chiselled hunk of a man. For others, Bullock prances around in some very short skirts. Either way, not really sure that excuses watching this mess.
From Justin To Kelly (2003)
The Romance: Singing waitress Kelly (Kelly Clarkson) falls foot over noggin for student Justin Bell (Justin Guarini), but stuff keeps getting in the way.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: The horrible choreography, which is so bad that a special Golden Raspberry award was created just for it.
Redeeming Feature? The title, which has us imagining an altogether funnier movie in which Kelly Clarkson decides she wants to become Justin Timberlake and undergoes a series of painful operations.
The Hottie & The Nottie (2008)
The Romance: Lithe Cristabel (Paris Hilton) like totally fancies Nate, but refuses to date the stud muffin until her troll of a friend (Christine Lakin) gets her own date.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: The entire sickening premise, which wants us to believe that ironboard beak-face peroxide victim Hilton actually classifies as a ‘hottie’. Pull the other one.
Redeeming Feature? We can’t think of a single thing. Not one.
The Romance: Ah the fickle finger of fate. Sara (Kate Beckinsale) and Jonathan (John Cusack) fall instantly in love when they attempt to buy the same pair of gloves at Bloomingdale’s. Trouble is, they’re both already coupled up.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: During an ice-skating date, Jonathan shows off by teaching Sara about Cassiopeia.
Redeeming Feature? It’s nowhere near as screechy and soul-sucking as director Peter Chelsom’s latest directing gig – Hannah Montana: The Movie . But that says more about Montana than this.
Over Her Dead Body (2008)
The Romance: Kate’s (Eva Longoria) happy day is ruined when an ice sculpture crushes her right when she’s about to tell Henry (Paul Rudd) that she “does”. Bitter and dead, Kate’s ghost haunts Henry and attempts to get in the way of him marrying anybody new.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Henry agrees to speak with a psychic (Lake Bell) who may be able to put him in touch with Kate. Ghost this ain’t.
Redeeming Feature? We all know Rudd’s a funny guy, but this one’s for Rudd completists only. And even they should be urged to skip it.
Did You Hear About The Morgans? (2010)
The Romance: Warring couple Paul (Hugh Grant) and Judith Morgan (Sarah Jessica Parker) are sent off to the sticks for protection after they witness a murder. Problem is, they’ve got their own issues after Paul was caught cheating on Judith.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: The killer discovers where the Morgans are hiding out and attacks them in their safehouse. Sure, SJP gets to wield a gun, but the rest is daft to the point of boredom.
Redeeming Feature? Mary Steenburgen really doesn’t make enough movies these days, and she’s aces as the Morgan’s host mother. Even if the material stinks.
Youve Got Mail (1998)
The Romance: Kathleen (Meg Ryan) and Joe (Tom Hanks) meet via AOL chat (hey! It’s the ‘90s everyone!). They get close, unaware that in real life they’re enemies in the savage, cutthroat world of... uh... bookstores.
Most Soul-Destroying Moment: Apart from the blatant attempt to cash in on Sleepless In Seattle ? How about the stupid scene in which Joe, knowing that Kathleen is his chat buddy, pretends he doesn’t and stands her up. Not to mention that gooey ending. Blech.
Redeeming Feature? If you’ve got an iPhone, you can check to see if you've got any emails to distract yourself from You’ve Got Mail . Is that meta?