Aiden Pearce--star of Watch Dogs--is an asshole. I have proof. After spending more than 50+ hours playing the game, it has become blindingly obvious that Pearce can be one of the least sympathetic protagonists in all of gaming. Sure, it’s possible to ‘do good deeds’ and gain favour with the residents of virtual Chicago, but it always feels like the game is more geared towards Aiden acting like a total dick.
I wouldn’t make strong accusations like this without some form of evidence. That’s why I’ve gathered seven examples of how Aiden Pearce can be a total bastard in-game, and made a video all about it too. Check out the video below, and please remember… this is all in good fun: it’s just one sadistic way to play the game.
He steals cash from the really poor and needy
”So, this man is… let’s see… he’s a wife-beating investment banker with outstanding traffic violations and a penchant for kicking puppies in the face. Interesting--might be worth hacking his bank account. Oops, already did it. And this lady? She’s a nurse, who raises money for homeless charities and fosters under-privileged kittens. Yeah, stole her shit too.” See, it doesn’t matter to evil Aiden Pearce--he’s just in this game to make money that can be spent on over-powered firearms. Armaments that can then be turned on innocent civilians once their life savings have been virtually looted.
He stares at his phone while his sister tries to open up to him
Early on in Watch Dogs, Aiden’s sister tries to have a heart-to-heart with him about her dead daughter, Lena. Poor Lena. She dies in the crossfire when Aiden is targeted by some bad men, for a hack-job-gone-wrong. All this happens RIGHT AT THE START, so there are no spoilers here. Make no mistake: Lena dies because Aiden fucks up. Apparently, though, it’s too much effort for Aiden to hear his sister out… he’s too busy staring at his phone. Probably playing Candy Crush or some other nonsense. “What were you saying about Jackson? Yeah, whatever, I’ll rescue him from kidnappers in a minute, I’m on level 87 and… GOD DAMNIT, Nicky! I just missed a piece of jelly because of your endless talking. Now I have to wait, like, 4 hours for another retry. Fuck!”
He stands on street corners causing traffic accidents for a laugh
Aiden is involved in a city-wide, cyber-terrorist conspiracy. His family is being threatened because of his reckless vigilante behaviour, and the police are out to arrest his baseball cap-wearing ass. And yet he somehow finds time to walk up to traffic lights, change the signal, and giggle as motorists smash into each other. They’re getting whiplash, Aiden. Some of them are dying when their cars ignite, and they’re trapped inside. What the hell is wrong with you?
He spies on lonely people (and laughs)
When he’s not causing major traffic accidents and robbing old ladies, ‘Aiden The Terrible’ likes to spy on the residents of Chicago. For the LOLs, I assume. Sometimes he’ll chance upon a lonely man, contemplating suicide, before not bothering to help at all. Other times, he’ll hit ‘the jackpot’ and hack into a bedroom where a young lady is working out in front of her computer or TV. Fortunately, his loose-fitting coat always manages to obscure his raging erection.
He tortures random pedestrians for fun
Many optimistically describe Chicago as ‘a playground’. Well, for those playing as Asshole Aiden, it’s more of a free-roaming torture chamber… and the population are his playthings. The creatively barren will content themselves with just ‘accidentally’ hitting pedestrians with their cars, while the more sadistic player will create personal mini-games to truly torment the city’s virtual citizens. My suggestions include: how high can you blow random cars into the air with a well-hacked steam vent? Or even: can you detonate random electrical junctions at just the right time to knock the bodies of passing pedestrians into a bin?
He stalks women virtually
There are cameras everywhere in Watch Dogs’ version of Chicago. They can be used to track enemies, discover weaknesses in the systems of evil corporations, and… yeah, Aiden can stalk girls from miles away. Jumping from camera to camera, our anti-hero can follow people for several city blocks without ever letting them out of his sight. For added asshole value, Evil Pearce can challenge himself to see how far he can track one pedestrian before finally ending their life with a well-timed electrical explosion. Because if he can’t have them, NOBODY CAN HAVE THEM!
He sees crime… and lets it happen
Sometimes being a vigilante can be such… hard work. And besides, no-one ever really thanks you for it. “Hey buddy--any chance of a free coffee? I’m that masked vigilante that basically saved your life last week? No? Seriously--you would have literally died.” Perhaps that’s why Asshole Aiden just decides to let crimes happen. In fact, he’s become so resentful about the city’s lack of gratitude, that he’s developed a sick pleasure in turning up to crimes and just watching them happen.
Bad to the phone
The moral of this story is that power corrupts, technology is evil, and money talks. Actually, there’s no real message here--I just wanted to have a laugh and share it with you. As ever, I’m on the edge of my seat, waiting to hear your thoughts on the issue. Is Aiden really Hitler incarnate? Or his he an ‘OK bloke’? Tell me below, using your words.
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