Before man invented fire and before dinosaurs roamed the land, sharks ruled our oceans. With no remorse and no mercy, these cold blooded killers have been commanding their aquatic kingdom with an iron dorsal fin, feeding on the weak, and growing stronger in preparation for their inevitable assault against all bi-pedal land-based mammals.
Until now, the sharks have been biding their time, making conspicuous appearances in nature documentary specials, Hollywood movies, videogames, and our favorite episode of Happy Days. Like true predators, they have been coyly playing with their future food, luring us into a false sense of security - and convincing us that mankind still sits safely on top of the food chain. But we know what these beady-eyed beasts are really up to. With each passing day, the shark apocalypse draws nearer, and every breath we take as free men could be our last. That’s why GamesRadar is taking an emergency timeout next week to teach you everything you need to know about sharks.
Above: The shark apocalypse is imminent. Prepare yourself
So get ready to sink your teeth into delicious features covering the deadliest in-game shark attacks, test your knowledge of toothsome shark sprites, and educate yourself on the proper use of a Game Shark. While you’re at it, spend a moment each day to think about how each of our dangerous game-themed features can help you survive a real life emergency. We wish we could speak more directly about the imminent threat sharks pose to humanity and what you can do about it, but we’ve just learned that the sharks now have access to the internet. They’re studying us for signs of weakness, you see. So unfortunately, it’ll be up to you to connect the dots and decipher our coded warnings yourself. But make no mistake. It’s only a matter of time before the sharks break free from their salty sea prison. We just hope that it’s not too late for GamesRadar’s Shark Week to help make a real difference.
What is Deep Blue Sea?
A. An action/horror movie
B. An unintentional comedy
C. A cautionary tale
Monday, August 3
The Top 7... Deadliest shark attacks
Shark Week contest
Tuesday, August 4
Fake ass shark games
Wednesday, August 5
How to use your Game Shark for good - not evil
Opposing opinion: Shark Week sucks
Thursday, August 6
The most ridiculous moments from Jaws Unleashed
Friday, August 7
12 videogame stories that jumped the shark
Jul 31, 2009
GamesRadar’s Week of Hate 2009
Whining bigger and louder than the rest of the internet (annually)
GamesRadar’s Week of Babes
Our directory of hotness features shower scenes, cosplay cuties, the best Bond babes, and more