What games would a noob buy?

A game store. A handful of cash. And three non-gamers.

Words: on January 22, 2008

For experienced button-pushers and stick-twiddlers it's easy to stroll into a game store and identify the class from the ass. We know the characters, the franchises, the publishers and the developers that are reliably associated with good gaming pedigree. And, of course, we know what we like.

But what if we were completely clueless? What if we ambled into a game vendor's establishment and felt as bewildered as a dribbling geriatric at an acid house party? What if we thought the latest console was the Sony Xbox? What if we thought Miyamoto was a car made by Nissan?

In order to steal a rare glimpse at the inner-workings of a newbie's brain, we rounded up three self-confessed non-gamers, gave them £50 each (that's like $100) and sent them into our local videogame boutique to see what they would buy. Y'know, if they were ever overwhelmed by an uncontrollable urge to get their game on. Would their uneducated purchases be predictably terrible? Hit the next page to find out...


Above: Our three noobs, Kim, Lucy and Michelle. Lucy's holding the very pink Girl's Guide To Gaming. She didn't want to buy it, though

Note: As you can see from the photo of our test subjects, they are all ladies. This was unintentional. We had hoped to recruit a more diverse line-up (ie with some men), but we couldn't find one gent that would confess to being 'clueless' about videogames. In fact, we couldn't find anyone - male or female - that genuinely knew absolutely nothing about videogames. Which was a bit of a bugger, but still kind of an interesting indication of just how widespread game exposure is nowadays. Thought we'd share that little insight with you.

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19 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
  • Mboy1100

    Mboy1100  - 10 months, 1 week ago  - Report

    .....Happy.....Feet......*pukes*....But I do think SMFOF was a pretty good game.Maybe I'm biased from watching hours of Spider Man at my baby sitters house every day when I was a toddler.
  • Metroidhunter32

    Metroidhunter32  - 1 year, 7 months ago  - Report

    And this is why we are not newbs. We get only the best. Or rather the most marketed, or else Okami would have sold better.
  • RandomSamurai13

    RandomSamurai13  - 3 years, 4 months ago  - Report

    FIRST!! Is what I would shout if I was into that type of thing, but I see it pointless so disregard my opening exclamation. My sister is just like these girls, she'll walk into GAME or Gamestation and just buy something that looks familiar. Nice job.
  • AuthorityFigure

    AuthorityFigure  - 2 years, 6 months ago  - Report

    Ewww. Not very good choices there.
  • adrenaguy

    adrenaguy  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    holy crap, bleachigo! use some damn punctuation! here, i'll fix it for you:

    HA! notice how all the noobs have expierienced the wii, I mean I love nintendo to death and most gamers wil agree super mario has popped are preverbial gaming cherry, but still it's a crap system that went in the wrong direction. The only good thing about it is that all of the old games you can get from the wii store. It's sad, I walk into gaming stores and see parents (probably shopping for their offspring) browsing through the wii section, seperated from all the gamers. Also has anybody got any prototype cheats?

    there, isn't that a much nicer comment to read? it's like the punctuation, spelling and coherent sentence wizards came in, stole a bunch of stuff and then just shot it for fun! It's the internetz peeps! if you're gonna do it right, do it right first time! it will be here FOREVER! (unless you delete it. But shhh)

    loved the articvle, i made the mistake of buying the simpsons game. on wii. BAD move. ninty has just driven themselves right into the turd heap, and are now gleefully rolling around and mushing it into their faces with each new game. Wii for sale, mint condition, comes with 10 games, one of them guitar hero, with peripheral, recharging station (one that funning works!) two wii remotes with nunchucks, and a steering wheel. anybody? any takers? I might just sell it on ebay...
  • bleachigo909

    bleachigo909  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    HA notice how all the noobs have expierienced the wii i mean i love nintendo to death and most gamers wil agree super mario has popped are preverbial gaming cherry but still its a crap system in the wrong direction the only good thing about it is all the old games u can get from the wii store its sad i walk into gaming stores and see parents (probably shopping for their offspring) browsing through the wii section seperated from all the gamers also anybody got any prototype cheats?
  • CreeplyTuna

    CreeplyTuna  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    classic representation of human nature. great!
  • Xplosive59

    Xplosive59  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    gah it cannot be ... even the non gamers which i know can give a vague explaination of the histrory of metal gear!
  • shadyMrPatch

    shadyMrPatch  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    Xplosive59
    "gah it cannot be ... even the non gamers which i know can give a vague explaination of the histrory of metal gear!"

    What? Even I can't give a reasonable explanation of the history of metal gear and I've played them.
  • baconfacemilomonster

    baconfacemilomonster  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    yeah, back when I was a little noob, I got Grand Theft Auto 3...because I heard it was really violent,so of course I wanted it as a kid, turned out I got lucky because it's a kick ass game. But that's not why I bought the game, I got it because I heard it was violent. Very accurate article.
  • Xeacons

    Xeacons  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    I totally expected this to be a comedy article, but you guys kept it pretty solid. Make's perfect sense: familiarity. We all go for what we know; two went for licensees, and one went for the closest-to-casual game on the 360.

    Veterans like us are just more in the loop; otherwise, we'd do the same thing.
  • sleepy92ismypsn

    sleepy92ismypsn  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    why is this a playstation 3 article when none of these noobs bought a ps3 game?
  • thomashalpenny

    thomashalpenny  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    the 1 on the left has downs haha
  • thomashalpenny

    thomashalpenny  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    Simpsons games is aload of bolox!!! on wii any way at least i hav a ps3 , hey?
  • doomdoomdoom

    doomdoomdoom  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    Shit this article is really accurate
    i bought the simpsons game because i like the show but after playing it i wish i didn't buy it and should have at least rented it or read the reviews.

    Does anyone want to buy (xbox 360) The Simpson's Game from me $10, perfect condition (for now!)
  • Scott1121

    Scott1121  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    non-gamers can be ignorant my friend (who is the only male non-gamer i know) only buys crap wii games you know all of the movie games and links crossbow training, ya he plays wii but i dont count that as gaming
  • FreekinIdiot

    FreekinIdiot  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    Look how happy the noobettes look with their purchases...especially the noobette on the left, she looks like she's have a wondrous day...
  • CARLINNIT

    CARLINNIT  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    Brilliant Article
  • deora2dude

    deora2dude  - 2 years, 8 months ago  - Report

    please change the font. it hurts
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