Wesley Snipes making action game from prison with goth-loving meerkat game developer. Yes, you just read that

I swear this story is not from The Onion. I swear this story is not from The Onion. But yikes, with so much unremitting weird going on I'm not even sure where to start. It's like a twenty-sided Rubik's Icosahedron of strange.

The nutshell version goes as follows. Action star Wesley Snipes, famed for Blade, Demolition Man, New Jack City and drag queen comedy To Wong Foo! Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar but currently in prison following a conviction for failure to file tax returns, is already planning a big comeback via the medium of games. His game has a name easily confused with that of an American actress and is being developed by a studio who previously made a Pikmin-style RTS about meerkats for WiiWare, and who have a photo of some goths playing guitar in the remnants of a forest fire as the first image on their web site. I do not know why they have this.

Above: Seriously, goths

The full version? Bloody hell. You had to ask. Julius Styles: The International, is Snipes' attempt to "bring my Art of War, Murder at 1600 and Passenger 57 characters into the game world. Julius Styles will offer something for both the mind game strategist and the kick-ass special ops warrior lover"

Tell us more, Wesley, tell us more.

"This game will expand on the cool, sexy, diverse sometimes scary, and often bizarre world and people I've had the pleasure to spend time with."

"I love games that challenge my mind and reflexes. Julius Styles pits your street knowledge survival skills with your academic intellect and spiritual intuition. The feature film is going to be a blast!"

Above: To be fair, the concept art is damn classy. Click here for the full-sized poster

Yes, he's planning a film based upon the Julius "Don't call me Julia" Styles character as well. Styles is apparently "an international 'Facilitator', a man whose unique talents make him a valuable commodity" in a world of "money, power, sex and murder". Who's in? Everyone? Good.

The game's first chapter is currently in development at Lapland Studios, whose previous release was Lead the Meerkats, a cartoony little action strategy title for WiiWare. JS is scheduled for a June release this year on the iOS AppStore, with XBLA, PSN, WiiWare and Android ports to follow.

Are you as gleefully mesmerised by this story as I am? Or do you smell another Wheelman?

EDIT: Turns out the banner goths are Nightwish, a band I knew of but had never seen. Lapland Studios have produced one of their videos, as well as making games about Meerkats. The eclectic swine. Mystery solved in part thanks to fetalspray.


  • ventanger - January 12, 2011 3:10 a.m.

    >Cocaine is a hell of a drug. Ohhhh my god. People come up with some insanely bizarre ideas when they're in prison. "I'm gonna make a video game! About me! And all my friends! The genre will be... um... EVERYTHING! Aaaand it will be released on... EVERY SYSTEM! And... I'll make a movie of it too!" Wesley, man, just retire.
  • Heyexclamationpoint - January 12, 2011 12:17 a.m.

    Several years ago I started the Anti-Nightwish Army. To date our ranks number in the twos. But we are a dedicated two!
  • BishopofHippo93 - January 11, 2011 9:28 p.m.

    Nightwish isn't a goth band, it's symphonic metal. They're really good, I highly recommend them. cart00n said it very well.
  • cart00n - January 11, 2011 8:22 p.m.

    Yeah, that's Nightwish, a heavy-metal band that's apparently one of the most popular acts in Europe - which would explain why they're the first thing you see when you enter the Lapland Studio site. I first discovered them after slogging thru Uwe Boll's "Alone in the Dark". They play the song over the ending credits, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with anything the movie has to offer. To say that this song is the best thing about the entire movie is doing the band a disservice, however, because it's actually a damn fine song all by itself. I now own all of there old stuff, haven't even heard any of the new stuff with the new singer. If you look Nightwish up on Wikipedia, you can read the soap opera concerning the original singer (who's now an extremely popular opera singer!), it's really quite entertaining. The sound is hard-core metal stitched with grandiose symphonic music. It's really quite the heady mix. If you're ANY kind of a metalhead, you should look this band up, you won't be disappointed. Seriously. They're the epitome of grand guignol heavy metal - Tenacious D would bow down to them "Wayne's World" style, belting "We're not worthy!" at the top of their lungs!
  • Robx - January 11, 2011 7:14 p.m.

    ...beeecause I'm high, because I'm high, beeeecase I'm hiiiggghhh! Tada-dat-tad-ta-da~
  • oryandymackie - January 11, 2011 5:54 p.m.

    Oh, Wesley, you rascal.
  • PimplesInYourAsstista - January 11, 2011 5:14 p.m.

    Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
  • db1331 - January 11, 2011 4:59 p.m.

    Just don't give it an 8 or higher when you review it, or the Halo fanboys' heads will explode.
  • GR_DavidHoughton - January 11, 2011 4:49 p.m.

    Nightwish I knew of, but had never seen. Cheers for the tip-off. Apparently Lapland Studios have worked on music videos, so that might explain it.
  • fetalspray - January 11, 2011 4:46 p.m.

    The picture is of a band called nightwish, from the video for the track the islander. Im not a fan myself but just thought I'd throw some trivia your way.
  • hoob22 - January 11, 2011 4:44 p.m.

    This games is in good hands indeed. From their website: "Lapland is a region of 100,000 square kilometers with a population of less than 200,000 people, and as many reindeers. Lapland nature is unique in many ways with strong seasonal contrast and the power to amaze. Lapland can offer the experience like no other. Lapland Studio Ltd. offers same magic and the values combined with a seamless team work and cutting edge technology."
  • Clovin64 - January 11, 2011 4:43 p.m.

    As long as some meerkats make a cameo, I'm in.
  • mijetman - January 11, 2011 4:35 p.m.

    So goth girls have to burn down an entire forrest and shred some crazy riffs to get their rocks off? Who knew?
  • Ultima - January 11, 2011 4:35 p.m.

    'Julius Styles pits your street knowledge survival skills with your academic intellect and spiritual intuition' I am the love child of Bear Grylls, Einstein and the Dalai Lama so this will be just perfect for me
  • hoob22 - January 11, 2011 4:26 p.m.

    First day buy for me.

Showing 1-15 of 15 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000