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Video game villains who got away with it

People like to see good triumph over evil. It's the reason Superman always wins despite getting stabbed in the face with shards of Kryptonite. Why John McClane beats a skyscraper full of heavily-armed terrorists with nothing but a string vest. And why those pesky S.T.A.R.S. agents always get the better of the T-virus. Sometimes, though, there are games brave enough to spit in the face of convention and let their no gooders go unpunished. And we're all for it. After all, who wouldn't want to be any of the following victorious villains?

Like shady politicians, these assholes always manage to manoeuvre themselves onto the winning side. Humanity’s getting kicked in the crotch by the Covenant? They’re in. Oh, Master Chief and his pals have offed most of their alien allies, you say? Well, they're all about people power. Go humanity! Granted, the Prophets may have screwed them over by replacing them with the Brutes. But Elites are still mercenaries who always seem to get away with their dastardly acts by being shameless opportunists.


Above: Honourable to the last

Despite repeated acts of kidnapping and terrorism, the Robert Mugabe of the Mushroom Kingdom never seems to face any jail time or significant punishment for his evil ways. Nintendo citizens don’t even seem to mind that the king of the Koopas has tried to enslave most of them at one time or another. And they’re more than happy to play a round of golf, a spot of tennis or get crazy with him at a party when this baddy’s got some down time.


Above: 'Hard time' in the the Mushroom Kingdom penial system

The killer karate master who likes to orphan kids in his free time, Shenmue’s prime antagonist is pure evil we tells ya! What’s worse, with Sega now more concerned with getting Sonic laid and beating fat plumbers at Olympic sports, Lan’s rampant stealing of ancient artifacts and acts of homicide are set to go unchecked. It’s the equivalent of Eggman nicking all the Chaos Emeralds, brutally killing Tails, then the big S rewarding him with retirement and an evil doer’s pension plan.


Above: Just punishment for any murderer

Dupe goodie into thinking you’re a benevolent force who’s going to bring back his dead bint to the union? Check. Manipulate said goodie into killing sixteen tame titans for you? Check. Get mildly slapped on the wrist for evil ways when you and goodie get resurrected as a baby? Double check. Colossus’ devious demon lord isn’t exactly a cautionary tale for lying bastards. And getting a second chance at life through deceit and treachery just proves nice guys finish last.


Above: Baby Dormin - what more could a parent ask for?

39 comments

  • joeperfect - September 7, 2010 3:32 p.m.

    g man isnt a enemy he just watches you
  • Franjman - October 4, 2009 4:47 p.m.

    What about Ganondorf he always comes back its not like he is always in punishment and hes got the badass form of ganon thats gotta count for something.
  • dibber - May 16, 2009 12:34 p.m.

    Hah. "Robert Mugabe of the Mushroom Kingdom". Love it.
  • fairlightprincess - May 4, 2009 1:42 a.m.

    Oh my gosh! XD Mario is such an evil ass! I knew something was wrong with him!
  • SwampRock - May 3, 2009 10:42 p.m.

    I laughed when carmine died, because I knew it was going to happen, but at the same time made me want to kill locust even more! them and their giant worm...
  • skyline19 - May 3, 2009 12:07 p.m.

    Ocelot damn right, one of my favourite ever villains right there.
  • Sweetwater110 - May 3, 2009 3:10 a.m.

    "That sucks man" we risk our lives out there and all the thanks we get, is getting kicked in the balls, when the bad guys get away with it. Like B. Carmine for example, think about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • CountFenring - May 2, 2009 8:59 p.m.

    Mary McFly can make any list a excellent list.
  • jar-head - May 2, 2009 4:58 p.m.

    i Would LOVE to see how GR did this article but input KOTOR2, the villian is the Force, good, evil, their is the Force. but their doesn't have to be a war
  • Blackhook - May 2, 2009 9:07 a.m.

    What about Dr. Wily? In MM9 noone seems to care that he tried to take over the world more than once or twice and are willing to send money to his swiss conto....and not even Megaman can Hurt him since good robots musn´t hurt humans
  • GoldenMe - May 1, 2009 10:24 p.m.

    "What’s worse, with Sega now more concerned with getting Sonic laid and beating fat plumbers at Olympic sports..." I hate Sega. My favorite franchise now in shambles, all because they can't put effort into the game that started them. Then again, Sonic Team isn't helping. Fuck them.
  • Unoriginal - May 1, 2009 7:06 p.m.

    Mario games tend to re-invent themselves every few entrys. How about in the next one you are the villain. How about this time YOU kidnap Bowser, or better yet, his children and make him go collecting stars and whatnot.
  • sixboxes - May 1, 2009 5:32 p.m.

    Whoa wait - you mention Mario AND Bowser, and NOT the OG villain, Donkey Kong? wtf GR? He was making Mario jump over shit to rescue damsels well before Bowser was even hatched. Come to think of it, maybe Mario was just administering justice to ol' DK before junior, his heir apparent to the Kong Krime Syndikate (yeah just thought that one up on the fly), tried to bust him out. And he gets to play tennis, go kart racing, and all that happy crappy.
  • Seabread - May 1, 2009 2:17 p.m.

    A decent article but a bit short. surely there are much more - i was surprised Crackdown wasn't in there. MassSaber - Have you read the associated article "Why you're the bad guy in GoW"?
  • Games_Radar_DaveMeikleham - May 1, 2009 1:57 p.m.

    Ah contraire, the Tingler. You only get the non cannon happy ending for the Kongster if you've completed the game at least once.
  • Sash - May 1, 2009 12:36 p.m.

    Yay another SOTC mention!
  • cookie23q - May 1, 2009 12:25 p.m.

    yer every 1 luvs a bad guy
  • helix92 - May 1, 2009 12:22 p.m.

    Mwa ha ha ha! Evil triumphs again!
  • GeneralTickTock - May 5, 2009 4:21 a.m.

    Robert Mugabe of the Mushroom Kingdom? thats pretty harsh
  • Shane1403 - May 4, 2009 4:48 p.m.

    The morale of the story seems to be that the good guys are just idiots.

Showing 1-20 of 39 comments

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