The worst MMO jobs

We play MMOs for the chance to escape. They help distract us from the drudgery of the real world - that dreadfully non-magical place where night elves don’t ride giant tigers into battle and rock trolls don’t puke acid on our heads. But sometimes MMOs take the whole idea of “work as play” too far, giving us virtual chores that take grinding to a whole new level.  Meet the worst MMO jobs. These ridiculous tasks, professions, roles and careers make our favorite genre feel less like a game and more like an act of absurdity. Read on and wonder why someone isn’t paying you to do all this dirty work.

Wanted: Tailor
Location: World of Warcraft

Have you ever dreamed about transforming torn cloth off corpses into fabulous bags or gorgeous dresses? Now’s your chance! World of Warcraft is looking for talented tailors to join its swelling ranks.

Farm materials for hours on end. Collect exotic items like linen, wool, and silk cloth. Transform these shapeless textiles into wonderful pieces of cloth armor. These handmade items are crafted with the same care as a pair of sneakers from a Saipan sweatshop, and will make you the envy of soulless NPCs all across Azeroth.

Above: We made this dress. It is our most favorite dress

Experience with left-clicking for hours on end is preferred but not required.  Ideal candidates will be energetic, proactive and hardworking. We’re looking for self starters who work well in team environments.

Wanted: Miner
Location: EVE: Online

Do you prefer extracting ore from asteroids to smuggling contraband past the man? Does extra cargo space and mining equipment turn you on more than reinforced armor and laser cannons? EVE: Online is now recruiting Miners interested in making a career out of sucking resources from space debris.

Above: We promise that there’s a game somewhere behind all these lists of numbers

Economic students working on a final thesis about the relevancy of EVE: Online’s virtual economy are preferred but not required. Ideal candidates will be energetic, proactive and hardworking. We’re looking for self starters who work well in team environments.

Wanted: Entertainer
Location: Star Wars Galaxies

Are you more of a lover than a fighter? Do you prefer dancing to being a Jedi, a Bounty Hunter or having fun? Star Wars Galaxies wants you to be an Entertainer! Field fascinating questions from sophisticated players around the world, such as “a/s/l?” and “r u a girl irl?” As a skilled Entertainer, you’ll get the chance to ply your trade at camps and cantinas across the galaxy.

Above: If you saw Return of the Jedi and said “Wow! I wish Jabba would lick me too!” then step right up and roll a Twi’lek before those other jezebels steal your future clients

Experience with emoting lap dances and humoring requests to cyber is preferred but not required. Ideal candidates will be energetic, proactive and hardworking. We’re looking for self starters who work well in team environments.

Oct 8, 2008