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The Top 7... Deadliest shark attacks

In real life, everyone knows sharks are perfectly lovely creatures that hold down good jobs, drive responsibly in hybrid cars, and almost never prey on humans. In popular media, however, they’re vicious aquatic bastards who like nothing better than to sneak up on unsuspecting swimmers and devour them as gruesomely as possible, preferably in front of an audience.


Above: You know, like this 

Videogame sharks are no exception, and knowing they exist makes us a little nervous every time a game asks us to take a swim through some murky water. That’s because when sharks actually do show up, it usually means you’re about to be on the receiving end of some potentially terrifying, instant-kill bite action in an environment where you’re damn near helpless. And if the game knows what it’s doing, it’ll try and menace you a little first.

Naturally, some games pull this off better than others. What follows are some of the creepiest, bloodiest and most memorable incidents of sharks swimming up to ruin (or improve) our fun.


7. OKAMI


Site of incident:
The Sunken Ship

This particular “attack” doesn’t really fit the traditional mold of a shark swimming up and biting your shit off, but we’re including it for two very important reasons. First, it’s yet another excuse for us to shoehorn Okami into a list article and remind you that you, personally, are to blame for its commercial failure. Second, its shark is nasty.


Above: Oh boy, we can’t wait to take a swim with that thing 

Showing up late in the game, the armored shark Ichiro is the horrific offspring of Jiro and Saburo, two bizarre half-shark, half-crab creatures that embody everything wrong and squishy about marine animals. As if they weren’t gross enough on their own, they’ll fuse together the next time you see them, combining their sharky parts to make one big, armored monstrosity that will then act like he’s going to eat you.

Aside from being hideous and unnatural, he’s also fast and aggressive, although he forgoes traditional chomping in favor of leaping out of the water and attempting to belly-flop heroines Amaterasu and Rao to death.


Above: Less scary than being eaten, but still pretty deadly 

The beast seems tough until you get his armor off, at which point he can be easily subdued by just painting cherry bombs into his general vicinity until he goes belly-up. It’s a disappointingly swift end for one of the game’s creepier bosses, but Ichiro did his job – which, for the record, was to give us the heebie-jeebies before we found out just how little he was capable of. Here, watch him in action:

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6. ECCO THE DOLPHIN: DEFENDER OF THE FUTURE


Site of incident:
A small lagoon walled in by a large reef

In spite of being created by the same studio that would later be responsible for undersea gorefest Jaws Unleashed, Ecco the Dolphin: Defender of the Future is often fondly remembered as a bright, happy adventure filled with soothing New Age music and friendly sea life.


Above: HAPPY! 

So it’s sometimes easy to forget that you spend a lot of time dogfighting with sharks. In fact, one of the first – and most frightening – challenges young Ecco has to face is a battle with a Great White shark so massive that it would probably be classified as an extinct Megalodon by any sane measure.


Above: Also it has theme music that’s like the theme from Jaws, but with more quiet menace 

Making matters worse, you have to taunt it into chasing you through a narrow passage. And as any shark expert can tell you, agitating a giant predator on purpose is absolutely the best idea ever. It’s such a good idea, in fact, that the shark is almost guaranteed to eat you the first several times you try it.


Above: Better known as the “SHIT-SHIT-SHIT-SHIT-cam” 

In case you’re wondering, Ecco’s main reason for challenging this enormous bastard in the first place is to steal its “Power of Vigor,” which he will eventually use to fight invading aliens. First, though, he has to snatch it from this thing’s mouth…


Above: Oh hell no 

Which will most often result in this:


Above: Ha ha, it’s like he’s smoking a dolphin cigar 

It’s far from the bloodiest or most shocking shark attack we’ve ever seen, but in terms of raw, sustained terror? If you cringe at the thought of dipping your toes into a shark tank, then going head-to-head with this monster is a recipe for heart palpitations, no matter how many times you tell yourself that it’s just a game and you’re being stupid. For further proof, here’s some video footage of the ordeal:

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81 comments

  • Csheroe - August 3, 2009 11:04 p.m.

    Eccos a happy game! D; Doesn't need sharks....
  • DontEatRawHagis - August 3, 2009 11:05 p.m.

    What about the shark from Viewtiful Joe.
  • DontEatRawHagis - August 3, 2009 11:05 p.m.

    What about the Viewtiful Joe Shark?
  • MechGyver - August 3, 2009 11:07 p.m.

    Beware!!Sharks always smile before they attack!! This info may save your life. ;)
  • LizarDAZZLE - August 3, 2009 11:19 p.m.

    I think the Ichtheosaurs from Half-life were the scariest moments of ANY game. I had to try to shoot it from above the ground with the pistol before I got in the water.
  • Amnesiac - August 3, 2009 11:26 p.m.

    I want me a Land Shark Gun.
  • lovinmyps3 - August 3, 2009 11:31 p.m.

    This makes me wish I had cable. :(
  • dragonpyro - August 3, 2009 11:48 p.m.

    lol 'Better known as the “SHIT-SHIT-SHIT-SHIT-cam'
  • DHokat - August 3, 2009 11:58 p.m.

    I loved the ending of the video of jaws when you took down the helicopter.
  • AMayer - August 4, 2009 12:07 a.m.

    I hate when I lose my keys and then a shark fucks me up. I should just get a lanyard.
  • RatPuncher - August 4, 2009 12:20 a.m.

    My favorite shark attack is the one from Crysis for the video of the sharks on land. :D
  • Sicktightyo - August 4, 2009 12:33 a.m.

    does anyone remember the shark from banjo kazooie? i was always creeped out when i was a kid of him. he should be #1
  • EffinChrys - August 4, 2009 12:44 a.m.

    A "dolphin cigar"! Hahahaahahahaah you funny. Your check is in the mail, sir and/or ma'am.
  • ReparazRoll - August 4, 2009 1:02 a.m.

    Oh Mikel, are you ever gonna let me down? Good to see GR is actually celebrating Shark Week.
  • Hurricrane - August 4, 2009 1:30 a.m.

    did the shock therapy come into play for Ecco Mr. Reparaz? *cackles* I never knew Armed and Dangerous had influenced Crysis as much as that 2nd video showed captcha: radar fish HOLY SHIT ITS A SIGN
  • FlyinMX - August 4, 2009 2:22 a.m.

    Thanks GR, Armed and Dangerous was the game I was trying to remember. Land shark gun looked awesome and I even saw the tea-drinking robot.
  • TheNinja - August 4, 2009 2:24 a.m.

    31st
  • sixboxes - August 4, 2009 3:35 a.m.

    No sharks from Tomb Raider? BULLSHIT. I remember in TR 2 being dumped from the plane (in the one cutscene) and being forced to swim around blindly to find that teeny opening to get into the sunken ship. And how many times I drowned, or got one-bite killed, or both.
  • girl - August 4, 2009 5:09 a.m.

    the shark in the world ends with you was a land shark so it is the best shark ever (also the banjo kazooie shark is amazing because it talks.)

Showing 1-20 of 81 comments

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