The Royal Wedding: A Gamer's Guide

Not as completely not about games as you may think

Words: Matt Cundy on April 28, 2011

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VooDooDevil1369 - April 28, 2011 5:16 p.m.

Great article. Although i feel it necessary to mention that Gay Tony should have been mentioned twice because, while he is a Prince (Tony Prince) he is also most definitely a Queen.
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newwavebossanova - April 28, 2011 4:50 p.m.

It sorta felt like I just read a Paul Ryan article. Thank you, Mr. Cundy. I now feel properly informed about the royal wedding.
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Markoose16 - April 28, 2011 4:27 p.m.

@therawski, I was going to write something stereotypical about Americans being ignorant and that the Queen doesn't actually have any power etc So thank you for saying it for me. The Royal family are essentially celebrities now who help support worthwile charities and help Britain forge trade links, compared to modern celebrities who have no talent, release sex tapes and pose nude in magazines. Getting rid of them would be naiive, no-one gives a shit about Presidents except for the American ones. I will be watching the wedding because my xbox and PC share the same screen and the only other things on TV are, a film from 1946 or 'The only way is Essex' which is basically a British 'Jersey Shore'.
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Patius - April 28, 2011 4:24 p.m.

You need to refer to one of those queens by their full names: Queen Pulsating, Bloated, Festering, Sweaty, Pus-filled, Malformed, Slug-For-A-Butt. I still don't see how she would have fit in Earthworm Jim's suit.
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silvereye - April 28, 2011 4:22 p.m.

@therawski Yeah, your basically right, although interestingly the Queen has to still sign off every new law passed by off by the parliament, although if she refused, odds are she would have to abdicate. Also at foreigners, like other British people who have posted here, trust me, ALOT of Britsh dont give a toss about the royal wedding like you as well, just saying, very few are hugely patriotic to the royal family these days, just saying...
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therawski - April 28, 2011 3:51 p.m.

@fatguy19 As an American myself I know that the British royal family is just a tradition and has no political power. They have something called "Parliament," and a "Prime Minister," which is a democratic government. If anything the royal family are celebrities by divine right but still about as effective as our elected officials. I will not be watching the ceremony.
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NanoElite666 - April 28, 2011 3:45 p.m.

Quick, someone append this to the recent list of GR's 50 greatest articles! We got 51 now! Also of note, April 29, 2008 is the day Testament unleashed The Formation of Damnation upon us. And now I've gone and made the Royal Wedding relevant to metal as well!
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Mooshon - April 28, 2011 3:43 p.m.

As a brit, I like me a bit of Royals to be honest. Mildly preferable to politician in my book, plus that Harry has levelled up into a right 'ard cnut so thumbs up from me. Hope it rains though ;)
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DannyMB - April 28, 2011 3:16 p.m.

As a brit... FUCK THE ROYALS! REPUBLIC! REPUBLIC! Seriously, I cant fucking stand this wedding nonsense. Im going to find a big lake and row into the middle of it for the entire day, its the only way to get clean of it.
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fatguy19 - April 28, 2011 3:15 p.m.

You can say what you like about Americans. At least their head of state is Democratically elected, unlike the British head of state which is chosen be devine birth right. Aside from that very good article, It was very brave of you to put a picture of Hitler and the royal family together. Still I suppose they are related
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EnragedTortoise1 - April 28, 2011 3:11 p.m.

As an American, I honestly couldn't care less (although some of my female brethren would say otherwise).
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Sharkbot - April 28, 2011 3:05 p.m.

Quick! Prince Willy, save that russian! He's getting thrown off the cliff!
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BadLadJon - April 28, 2011 2:47 p.m.

thank you for the day of the royal fuckers ruling the country i live in.
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mothbanquet - April 28, 2011 2:39 p.m.

Cundy my man, you don't half talk some bollocks sometimes... xD Top article mate!
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RicePuddingUK - April 28, 2011 2:29 p.m.

ARGH! The last question what do I do!?!?!? Honour my patriotism and watch it or blow a few more Russians to death
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Ultima - April 28, 2011 2:27 p.m.

Funniest article in ages, well done Matt XD
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db1331 - April 28, 2011 1:57 p.m.

I just want to go on record and state that I think Kate is hot, and I would do dirty, dirty things to her. Carry on.
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MaynardJ - April 28, 2011 1:53 p.m.

@ monojono: 3 pm tomorrow, I'll fire a shot west from my timezone and if I'm lucky it will hit you at 3 pm GMT. If I miss, you get to fire a shot east but I'll be gone for 2 hours by the time it arrives.:-) @ SDHoneymonster: Go to YouTube to find some footage of Argentinian beauty Máxima Zorreguieta, our future queen. She married Willem Alexander, who also looks like an idiot, back in 2002 and by now they have three kids. There is a video of a press conference on YouTube where they announced their engagement. She never looked lovelier than she did in the first minute of that video (when she gives him the most beautiful wink ever given by any woman to any man). Just saying, I know how you feel.
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Siion - April 28, 2011 1:53 p.m.

The conspiracy all fits together now, i can see it so clearly.
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KidKatana - April 28, 2011 1:47 p.m.

"Hitler shot himself in a bunker. Prince Harry shot himself in the foot." This article is genius. Cundy is genius. But most of all, this is genius. And brilliantly on-topic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiXQHBeC2dI&feature=share
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