The 5 worst Final Fantasy couples

Final Fantasy might have given us some of the most memorable romances in videogame history - as you can see in yesterday's Top 10 Square Enix Couples  feature - but not all of them have been memorable for the right reasons. Whether intentional or simply misguided, the series has always been host to some of the most awkward pairings imaginable.

Now that the dust has settled from another Valentine's Day and the annual bitterness has set in, it's time to shove aside the lovey-dovey pretense and cackle like vultures at the ones who never had a chance in hell.

5. Cloud Strife and Barret Wallace
Final Fantasy VII | 1997 | PSone, PC

Final Fantasy VII is fondly remembered by its fans as a love story - specifically, a love story between spiky-haired mercenary Cloud and dowdy flower girl Aerith. But as many of you probably already know, it doesn't have to be that way.


The pivotal moment in the game's romance subplot comes while the party is staying overnight at the Golden Saucer amusement park. Most players will see the following sequence unfold as a date between Cloud and Aerith, but if you play your cards a little differently, Cloud will ignore Aerith in favor of busty martial artist Tifa. And if you play your cards wrong, he'll end up going on a date with his hulking, gun-armed best friend, Barret. Hilarity, awkward silences and deep regret ensue. You can see it for yourself in the following video:

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  • megasean3000 - January 9, 2014 6:14 p.m.

    Ummm...Garnet was adopted? If you know the story, Garnet was born in Madain Sari as a summoner, but because it was attacked, Garnet and her mother fled on a boat in the storm. Garnet's mother died while Garnet lived and was washed up into Alexandria where the King (At the time) took her in. As for your opinion on why Garnet and Zidane make a bad pairing, it's only immature when it starts off, it quickly gets more mature: Garnet wanting Zidane to believe in her abilities in battle to help the Burmecians, Zidane rushing into Alexandria Castle to rescue Garnet, Zidane being there for Garnet during her emotional strife, including Braine attacking Lindblum, Braine dying by Kuja's hand and Alexandria being destroyed by Garland. Afraid to say it, but that was one bad call. When you said bad pairing I thought pairs that shouldn't even exist, like Vivi x Quina and Cloud x Barret, not a pair that is the focal point of the entire story of FF9 ^^U
  • GamesRadarMikelReparaz - February 24, 2011 4:07 a.m.

    Sorry, commenters who insist otherwise, but not only did I finish FFIX (in 2000, when it was still new), it was the last Final Fantasy I actually finished. So clearly you must be remembering some other couple that wasn't terrible. Or maybe you shouldn't be taking a humor article so seriously. Whichever.
  • TheMadderHatter - February 21, 2011 5:48 p.m.

    Practically all of these comments make me facepalm so hard that my nose is broken.
  • gamewriter - September 1, 2010 12:41 a.m.

    isent Quina Quen in kingdom hearts?????? im so confuzeld
  • OmegaWeaponGeanC - March 19, 2010 5:29 p.m.

    This author reminds me a lot of IGN rating games after playing them for 2 hours. 2 examples. 1- FF7 date is the same with all chars with very little difference so...IT ALWAYS LOOKS AWKWARD! CLOUD DOESNT DO ANYTHING! 2- yes yes obviouslly the big fat elephant FF9 Queen gave birth to
  • GoliathAssassin - March 5, 2010 3:16 a.m.

    Hahah! Now Quina and Vivi BELONG on this list! This is a dysfunctional couple on the lines of Cloud and Barret, and their marriage was one of the funniest scenes in the game!
  • GoliathAssassin - March 5, 2010 3:03 a.m.

    Yeah, there's no way that someone who played the whole game can say these two don't make a great couple. The relationship that Garnet and Zidane share is one of mutual respect and hardened maturity. They didn't fall head-over heels in love with each other like some Disney movie. Far from it, Zidane prettymuch chased anything with two legs in the beginning of the game, and Garnet wanted nothing to do with him on a romantic note. But later on you see that Zidane stops chasing other women, and Garnet is visibly disturbed when Zidane doesn't show up at her coronation (at first) at the end of the game. I think they're the perfect "cats'n'dogs" couple, who love each other so immensely that they'd never break up, even if they do get on each other's nerves. I see their relationship as far more solid than say Cloud and Tifa or Squall and Rinoa, both cases in which one person is too affraid to show their true feelings toward the other. Tifa couldn't speak up at the Golden Saucer, and the space-ship cockpit scene with Squall and Rinoa seriously made me laugh, it was so cheesy. Please don't offend Cloud with your confession of love Tifa, and please Squall don't DARE show too much honesty and affection toward Rinoa (or anybody else, for that matter.) These are unions between socially-retarded people who happen to like each other. Zidane's got a personality and a half, and Garnet's niave but sort of "old-world" socially-adept. They are both high-functioning, non-dismissive people, but they are very different from each other, and that's what makes them clash. Zidane let Garnet know upfront that he was interested, and then he purposely triggered her sensibilities a bunch times... and still got her to like him! Zidane's got the guts to tell Garnet, "You may catch my interest, and you may be the princess/queen but I am the man, and you will learn from me how to change your accent, hold a dagger, break into places and steal things, and I WILL grab your ass from time to time. You will either like it, or I'll grab the ass of someone else who does!" And Garnet, in not so many words, seems to accept Zidane as her man, but enjoys making him squirm. She's a tease, and Zidane obviously doesn't mind having to work for her admiration. It may not be Lady and the Tramp at Tony's, but it sure IS good comedy!
  • punkmetalmage - February 14, 2010 2:09 p.m.

    I was disseminated in myself when I found out I was not longer able to get the date with Yuffie (too many wrong choices) in FFVII. Anyways, I have to agree Maaaac, Zidane and Garnet make a great couple, then again, it could be my endless affection towards IX, which was completely overlooked. It was a great homage to the SNES FF games and there was so much to do, though the card game in FFVIII is so awesome it makes the rest of the game so much easier...
  • Kenzo - February 14, 2010 3:01 a.m.

    Cloud and Barrett, lol
  • AnonymouZ - February 13, 2010 10:04 p.m.

    well shit, i don't remember lulu marrying that dude... must've not been paying attention to x-2's plot... now their wardrobe... that's the whole reason why i got it xD
  • Mysticgamer - February 13, 2010 8:47 p.m.

    I think Sonic and Amy are a lousy couple. He's sixteen (Don't care about Sonic Nextgen) and she's twelve. How many sophmores do you see picking up middle schoolers? Sonic would be arrested before the date was half way over.
  • neon6 - September 4, 2009 12:41 a.m.

  • Maaaac - March 18, 2009 3:15 p.m.

    You suck didn't even play to the end of disc 2 in ffix because that's not garnets real mother (can't remember her name). She was raised in madain sari, NOT alexandria, and besides i think they're one of the best couples in the ff series, so stfu.