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Tabloid conducts dubious test to prove 3DS makes you sick, we conduct simple analysis to mock it senseless

So, UK tabloid shit-rag The Sun continues its glorious tirade of heroic bloodshed against the 3DS. Comprising serious, cutting-edge journalism and in no way a simple flailing attempt to cash in on Google rankings by creating stories with popular search terms following the 3DS' launch, The Sun's campaign against Nintendo's little handheld vomit-generator and burner-out of innocent children's eyes today makes use of a SERIOUS SCIENTIFIC TEST to prove just what an eldritch hellspawn terror the seething little bastard is.

Also, it's a hilarious load of old cobblers and I'm now going to kick the crap out of it. Who's coming with me? It won't take long, I assure you. In fact in the interests of brevity, I'm simply going to reproduce chunks of The Sun's test, conducted by professional doctor Carol Cooper and professional man-in-a-shirt Lee Price, along with my own commentary. My bit is the orange bit, in case that isn't clear at any point.


THIRTY MINS: Blood pressure 127/72, pulse 66. Lee: I sat on a sofa and feel OK so far - a slight headache, but nothing extraordinary. Carol: Seems fine so far.

ONE HOUR: Blood Pressure 130/74, pulse 69. Lee: I stood playing. Carol noted slight nystagmus, where your eyes race from side-to-side. Carol: First sign of a side-effect, caused by your eyes taking something in your body can't feel.

It's tricking the senses in a way.

ONE HOUR 30 MINS: 135/80, pulse 82. Lee: Playing as I walk idly down the street. My figures have gone up. Carol: If this was your resting rate, I'd recommend you saw a GP about high blood pressure.

LEE'S VERDICT: After two hours, it's time to put it away.

CAROL'S VERDICT: Children should not be left to play on it for hours.


Anyway, that's my appraisal. Anything else you'd like to add?

Source: The Sun web site

April 6th, 2011

Topics

Nintendo

44 comments

  • rav3 - April 9, 2011 11:40 p.m.

    saddest thing is all i ever see in this cloudy country at 9pm on the london train to norwich is the sun and the daily mail. I cry for whats happening to this country.
  • dalebutterworth - April 9, 2011 10:25 a.m.

    Oh No been playing 3DS every day since launch for a 3-4 hours at a time. I already had blood pressure problems now my pressure is getting to much aaarrrgh my eyballs have just exploded over the 3D screen. Bunch of Sun journalist muppets.
  • Gilligan - April 7, 2011 9:40 a.m.

    Well if The Sun is to be believed, I'd better pack up my 3DS and send it far, far away. It's obviously a machine of pure evil. I hate The Sun.
  • Yeager1122 - April 7, 2011 1:51 a.m.

    Sun=Stupidity think that sums it up nicely.
  • Risonhighmer - April 6, 2011 10:16 p.m.

    Actually, the 3DS did make me a little sick when I tried it. I have a virtual boy and it doesn't make me feel sick in any way when used for a prolonged amount of time. With the 3DS though, after about 20 minutes with the thing I felt this uncomfortable tension at the front of my head. It wasn't a sickness per se, but it was annoying and not at all comfortable. There's definitely something about the 3DS that causes some sort of discomfort.
  • Felixthecat - April 6, 2011 9:04 p.m.

    Thank you GR. The Sun can suck my dick along with every other piece of shit tabloid in this country.
  • Shinespark428 - April 6, 2011 6:15 p.m.

    I had a Kevin Butler sandwich while playing the 3DS and the 3DS made me have a heart attack.
  • Shinespark428 - April 6, 2011 6:08 p.m.

    I find I start to feel dizzy and sick after staring at the 3DS too long crosseyed on a moving vehicle; therefore it must be terrible for me.
  • Kyo - April 6, 2011 5:56 p.m.

    They're obviously a bunch of damn idiots lol. I've been playing my 3DS a lot since I got it on day one.. I honestly felt a little.. just a LITTLE dizzy when I first turned it on when I got home to set it up. after that? Nothing. TRUE gamers don't feel sick when playing a tiny 3d screen for a while, maybe idiots that try to focus on it in a moving car will feel sick.. or you know.. doing the obviously Normal activity of playing a 3d handheld while walking down the street... but if you sit still and play the damn thing it's fine. Also, yea Nintendo says no 3D for children under 7YO and no more than 30 mins at a time.. why are they playing for TWO FREAKING HOURS!? -_- They should learn to take breaks once in a while.
  • sean161 - April 6, 2011 5:22 p.m.

    If you read the sun you are a F*****g idiot anyway...
  • The_Tingler - April 6, 2011 5:15 p.m.

    Mr Burns had the right idea. We should block The Sun immediately.
  • TheUsernameYouSelectedIsAvailable - April 6, 2011 5:12 p.m.

    So they scientifically proved overweight poms get a higher heart rate from doing a minuscule amount of exercise (walking) and motion sickness from staring at a static object in a moving car. Applause all round... Possibly they also proved that some people dont like video games, but I cant get behind that result. More importantly what 3DS launch title is he playing that lasted 2 hours... surely he could have finished them all in that amount of time.
  • SideOfBeef - April 6, 2011 4:57 p.m.

    As a general statement, the UK makes me =D
  • MD1500 - April 6, 2011 4:50 p.m.

    This is really odd as I thought that the Nintendo 3DS was going to feature content from Sky 3D. Yes, Sky 3D owned by Rupert Murdoch - the same man that owns The Sun. I have a feeling that maybe the deal has fallen through. That would explain it. I can't imagine Nintendo wanting to work with Rupert Turdcock after this. "Oh yes, we're more than happy to pay thousands to have your content on our console that you said would make everyone sick."
  • EwoksTasteLikeChicken - April 6, 2011 4:32 p.m.

    @gamebrain8505 Kids CAN watch porn on the psp. I know a guy who hacked our schools computers and got porn from there. Last I heard though, he was suspended for taking drugs.
  • mattdark - April 6, 2011 4:03 p.m.

    Yeah, amazing how much spin the Sun has been trying to put on this. Not that its much of a surprise. All because they couldnt be bothered to get their facts straight, because alot of people were already trading it in, not the 10's of thousands they claim are trying to get a refund because its killing their eyes!
  • ChiChiRocket - April 6, 2011 3:50 p.m.

    My God! I had no idea what this devil machine was doing to me! I will return it posthaste!
  • Fiirestorm21 - April 6, 2011 3:14 p.m.

    Don't you know? Books now come with 3D effects built in now, THAT'S why they're so nauseating to read in cars. (Just trying to hop in with the bandwagon, I guess.)
  • Eaxis - April 6, 2011 3:06 p.m.

    It's outreagous how they can even publish such rubbish. They should try to read their shit while walking or sitting in a car! Or btw maybe gamesradar could do research about The sun making people ill.
  • michaelpreston - April 6, 2011 3:06 p.m.

    With any luck, this sort of 'expository' journalism will die within the next century. Yes, I do think it will take that long. In the meantime ... 3D!!!

Showing 1-20 of 44 comments

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