When Nintendo first revealed the Wii%26rsquo;s motion-sensitive controller, every single male in the audience (do not argue with us on this. It%26rsquo;s not an exaggeration; it%26rsquo;s a proven scientific fact) turned to the guy next to him and whispered excitedly, %26ldquo;Lightsaber game!%26rdquo; Every single male in the audience then responded, %26ldquo;Dude, I just said that!%26rdquo; And one hopeless ubernerd named Arnold Kalinsky followed with %26ldquo;Jinx! You owe me a Coke%26rdquo; and was summarily beaten to death with his own uvula because really, what other choice did the mob have after a statement like that? True Story.
The point is: everyone wants a kick-ass lightsaber game. Everyone. But the wait must continue because Star Wars The Clone Wars: Lightsaber Duels is absolutely, indisputably, unquestionably, without a doubt not that game. It has Star Wars. It has lightsabers. It does not have kick-ass. At all.
Lightsaber Duels simply has too many problems. It starts off with the most promising premise ever, but turns the wrong direction every single time it hits a T in the road and has to make a decision. It%26rsquo;s like that beautiful-but-snarky babe in every horror movie who takes off to have hot sex with her boyfriend but then gets up for a glass of water, somehow gets lost on her way to the next room, and ends up hanging naked from a tree ten miles away with a tire iron jammed through her neck.
For example, let%26rsquo;s look at the camera and controls. Swinging the remote up, down, left and right makes the lightsaber go in the same directions, and a forward thrust is indeed a stabbing motion. But for a more powerful force-fueled attack, you hold Z %26ndash; located on the nunchuk, not the remote %26ndash; and swing as normal. Things are starting to get silly, aren%26rsquo;t they?