Spurious Awards

Misha Collins’s tongue, the greatest ring tone ever, a kick-ass princess and loads more

FANTASY CASTING OF THE WEEK
Misha Collins makes his bid for the role of Gene Simmons in a Kiss biopic (image courtesy of Sebastian Roche's Twitter account – @sebroche). Right, who’s gonna Photoshop the make-up onto him?

MAGIC FIRE EXTINGUISHER OF THE WEEK
One minute the house in the US version of Being Human is a raging inferno of hellish proportions . Next minute, it’s just looking a little singed, with nary a flame in sight – the average aftermath of a British barbecue. All thanks to Josh and his lone CO2 fire extinguisher. Every home should have one. Just think how much shorter Backdraft would have been.

IDENTITY PARADE OF THE WEEK
When asked to name his prime suspects in the case on this week’s The Mentalist , Patrick Jane reeled off the list, “Jabba The Hutt, Ming The Merciless, ALF…” which is an Unusual Suspects line-up we’d really like to see. Jane’s typically smug comment was inspired by an “alien”-themed episode, in which the murder victim claimed to have been abducted by aliens, and featured Star Trek: Voyager ’s Ethan Phillips, as dodgy UFOlogist who gets arrested. It’s only fitting after he sentenced us to seven years’ hard Neelix.

LOST CAUSE OF THE WEEK
Grand Designs ’ Kevin McCloud might have a thing or two to say about Merlin’s overambitious project to renovate Camelot in the new Starz Arthurian series that started this week: “When you bought the place, did the survey mention anything about subsidence caused by coastal erosion?” We give the place two years, tops.


UNCUSTOMARY JOVIALITY OF THE WEEK

We were stunned to see one fan refer to last week’s US instalment of the unremittingly-dour Stargate Universe as, “the comedy episode"? Good grief! What could have caused this unlikely proclamation? Rush performing a Punch And Judy show? Young having a bean-related, unwanted gas problem? We had to know. Oh, hang on, the episode appears to be about Dr Volker suffering renal failure. Hilarious. But wait! After 19 minutes somebody mentions erectile dysfunction, and the cast goes into double-take frenzy, before jointly sniggering like naughty schoolboys using the F-word for the first time. Then, 12 minutes later, there’s a gag about the music from 2001: A Space Odyssey not being very relaxing. This is comedy iron pyrites here, folks. Some people might complain that the show is too grim much of the time, but this was like watching your granddad trying to breakdance. We’ll settle for grim, thank you.

CRITIC OF THE WEEK

Game Of Thrones author George RR Martin talking to The New Yorker about Lost and how it’s made him worry about finishing his own A Song Of Ice And Fire book series: “I kept watching it and I was fascinated. ... They’d introduce these things and I thought that I knew where it was going. Then they’d introduce [something new] and I’d rethink it. …We watched it every week trying to figure it out, and as it got deeper and deeper I kept saying, ‘They better have something good in mind for the end. This end better pay off here.’ And then I felt so cheated when we got to the conclusion. What if I f••k it up at the end? What if I do a Lost ? Then they'll come after me with pitchforks and torches.”

FANTASY FILM TITLES OF THE WEEK
X-Men: First Class rather fittingly being given an authentic Saul Bass makeover. The music is apparently a melancholic rendition of the 90s cartoon theme song.

X-Men: First Class Title Sequence from Joe D! on Vimeo .

REBOOT OF THE WEEK
Rick Deckard has to cope like the rest of us have to cope – in a world dominated by Microsoft…

IWOOT OF THE WEEK
The George Takei “Oh my!” ringtone (all proceeds in aid of The Old Globe Theatre in San Diego which will be premiering Takei’s “Allegiance”). Inspired. Don’t pretend you aren’t going to download it…

Myxer : Privacy Policy | Terms - More from George Takei

But that’s not all the booming-voiced ex-astronavigator has been up to. He’s also been taking part in a series of (uniformly quite dreadful) ads for US Social Security website. We’ll only “treat” you to one here (mainly because the final subtitle is hilarious – “Significant raised eyebrow and nod”) if you really feel the urge to watch the seven others, you’ll find them, all here .

KICK-ASS PRINCESS OF THE DAY
One of these poppets is not like the others…