Serious Sam 3: BFE revealed, wife to get 'tit job'

Prequel to bring us back to "the golden age of first-person shooters"

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"Cover is for amateurs," reads Croteam and Devolver Digital's announcement of Serious Sam 3: BFE, the next title in the favorite series of twitchy trigger fingers. The game is a prequel to 2001's Serious Sam: The First Encounter, and is set in 22nd century Egypt during Earth's final battle against Mental%26rsquo;s insuppressible throngs of beasts and mercenaries, one of which, at least, looks like a Boomer who ate another Boomer just before meeting Robert Rodriguez:

"Serious Sam 3 is about pure fun and unfiltered action," said Davor Hunski, chief creative officer at developer Croteam. "We wanted to expand on everything gamers love about the series while adding some genuinely unique new features to really enhance the mayhem Serious Sam is known for."

And what are those features? Well, lucky for us, Croteam has released a list of them, and since bullet points are easily digestible, have at it:

"Cover is for amateurs," reads Croteam and Devolver Digital's announcement of Serious Sam 3: BFE, the next title in the favorite series of twitchy trigger fingers. The game is a prequel to 2001's Serious Sam: The First Encounter, and is set in 22nd century Egypt during Earth's final battle against Mental%26rsquo;s insuppressible throngs of beasts and mercenaries, one of which, at least, looks like a Boomer who ate another Boomer just before meeting Robert Rodriguez: "Serious Sam 3 is about pure fun and unfiltered action," said Davor Hunski, chief creative officer at developer Croteam. "We wanted to expand on everything gamers love about the series while adding some genuinely unique new features to really enhance the mayhem Serious Sam is known for." And what are those features? Well, lucky for us, Croteam has released a list of them, and since bullet points are easily digestible, have at it: Frantic Arcade-Style Action %26ndash; The calling card of the Serious Sam series, hold down the trigger and lay waste to a never-ending onslaught of attackers or face being overrun by Mental%26rsquo;s savage beasts. No cover systems, no camping %26ndash; it%26rsquo;s just you and them. All of them. Mental%26rsquo;s Fearsome Legions %26ndash; A new battalion of unforgettable minions including the rumbling Scrapjack and towering Khnum join the legendary Headless Kamikaze, Gnaar and Sirian Werebull. Your days of mowing down zombie Nazi space pirates are over. Serious Melee Attacks %26ndash; When an enemy slips by your wall of lead and pain, use one of the all-new innovative melee moves to drop an enemy right where they stand in the most violent way possible. Pure Multiplayer Mayhem %26ndash; Play through the full campaign mode with up to 16 players or drop the gauntlet and let the heavy ordinance fly in versus modes like Deathmatch and Beast Hunt. This is the next level of Serious Sam multiplayer and all hell is about to break loose. "Holy crap, I am going to make a boatload of cash off this game," said Fork Parker, chief financial officer at the game's publisher, Devolver Digital, and apparently actually a guy named Fork Parker. The CFO continued his fictitious rant, saying, "I mean that%26rsquo;s what this is all about, right? If this thing comes out in the summer my wife is totally getting the tit job she%26rsquo;s been asking for." When fictitiously asked for further comment, Parker fictitiously responded, "Bam. Tit Job." Oh you guys... Little makes boobs less appealing than the phrase "tit job," but never mind that. Serious Sam isn't about tits, it's about killing a lot of stuff, and Serious Sam 3 looks to be continuing that legacy. The game scheduled for release on "PC and game consoles" this summer - check out the first batch of screens in our viewer. Tit job. Feb 28, 2011

Frantic Arcade-Style Action %26ndash; The calling card of the Serious Sam series, hold down the trigger and lay waste to a never-ending onslaught of attackers or face being overrun by Mental%26rsquo;s savage beasts. No cover systems, no camping %26ndash; it%26rsquo;s just you and them. All of them.

Mental%26rsquo;s Fearsome Legions %26ndash; A new battalion of unforgettable minions including the rumbling Scrapjack and towering Khnum join the legendary Headless Kamikaze, Gnaar and Sirian Werebull. Your days of mowing down zombie Nazi space pirates are over.

Serious Melee Attacks %26ndash; When an enemy slips by your wall of lead and pain, use one of the all-new innovative melee moves to drop an enemy right where they stand in the most violent way possible.

Pure Multiplayer Mayhem %26ndash; Play through the full campaign mode with up to 16 players or drop the gauntlet and let the heavy ordinance fly in versus modes like Deathmatch and Beast Hunt. This is the next level of Serious Sam multiplayer and all hell is about to break loose.

"Holy crap, I am going to make a boatload of cash off this game," said Fork Parker, chief financial officer at the game's publisher, Devolver Digital, and apparently actually a guy named Fork Parker. The CFO continued his fictitious rant, saying, "I mean that%26rsquo;s what this is all about, right? If this thing comes out in the summer my wife is totally getting the tit job she%26rsquo;s been asking for."

When fictitiously asked for further comment, Parker fictitiously responded, "Bam. Tit Job." Oh you guys...

Little makes boobs less appealing than the phrase "tit job," but never mind that. Serious Sam isn't about tits, it's about killing a lot of stuff, and Serious Sam 3 looks to be continuing that legacy. The game scheduled for release on "PC and game consoles" this summer - check out the first batch of screens in our viewer. Tit job.

Feb 28, 2011

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Associate Editor, Digital at PC Gamer
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