Do you remember that bit in the film where the penguins get out the yellow inflatable bouncy blobs in order to collect the higher snowflakes? That was the best bit. Yeah, some people reckon it was when the penguins had to find their way around the maze, but for us, it's all about the bouncing.
Good heavens on a handlebar, what's going on? An arcade game based on a documentary? What's next, Rockstar's Bowling For Columbine on the PS3? This game was always going to be garbage, but crikey!
Obviously, if you were attempting to bring the majesty of nature photography to the DS, the best thing would be a cheap-ass Lemmings clone, eh? But interspersed with mazes and underwater games, of course. It looks as though the whole game has been made by lazily cutting out construction paper. In fact the jaggedy 2D graphics are still somehow too complicated for the utterly broken interface to fathom.
Simply nothing works, with items to help the penguins' journey randomly moving or disappearing completely when you place them anywhere, and to top it off, each level is just astonishingly long and mindlessly difficult.
After considerable thought, we'd actually rather spend our evenings hammering nails into our faces than enduring this ghastly tripe. Be gone, foul fish-smelling beasts.
March of the Penguins is a horrendous mess of a game, horrible to play in every way, short of severing your hands at the wrists and squirting lemon on the stumps.