Why shouldn’t we be able to play all of our favorite movies? Who cares if they barely have relevance outside of a VH1 retrospective, it’s not like this is a new concept. Chow Yun-Fat getting too elderly for a Hard Boiled sequel BAM: John Woo’s Stranglehold! Dan Aykroyd’s getting the run around from Hollywood? BOOM: Ghostbusters is hitting every platform this summer. Hell, both The Godfather and Scarface have gotten revisionist updates, Al Pacino’s participation be damned!
Above: C’mon everyone’s doing it!
It’s high time our favorite characters were liberated from their celluloid prisons and given the chance to strut proudly once again, all digital and ageless. New technology and gaming innovations have flipped a middle finger to Hollywood’s green light, so there’s absolutely no reason why extended multi-platform existence should only be the right of Marvel superheroes and karate bears.
Alas, we were all bad little boys and girls last year, so we did not receive a Dark Knight game for Christmas. Of course, that may not be a bad thing. Arkham Asylum aside, no one really wanted to see the caped crusader dragged through the mud in yet another shitty beat ‘em up.
But, consider this: What if you didn’t have to play as Batman? After all, Harvey Dent had an equally more compelling journey and just as much screen time. So… wouldn’t you like to play a Dark Knight game as Two Face?!
Hell, the branching Achievements practically write themselves.
Above: Of course you get more points for Two Facing
The only thing more criminal than the behavior exhibited by Robert DeNiro and Joe Pesci in Goodfellas, is not having seen it. Seriously kids - put down the internet, fire up that Netflix Insta-Que, and stream the hell out of it post haste!
Please Mr. Scorsese: We’d really like to grab the reigns of an era-spanning wiseguy and live out our very own rags to riches saga. Although, and this is not to sell the jarring episodes of brutal violence short, Goodfellas is probably most famous for its dialogue. Borrowing a hint of Mass Effect could be just what Da Doctor ordered.
Under this mechanic, the Spider missions will probably be impossible.
Mega Man 9 found unprecedented success in appealing to a demographic of pure nostalgia. Add to that, there must be an equal number of developers and movie licenses that are still kicking themselves for not striking while the NES iron was hot. So without thinking about it too long, we can think of no property more deserving of retro downgrade than The Breakfast Club.
They may not be able to retain all the drug references and profanity, but as long as that authentic brand of absurdly inauthentic NES mojo is in effect, you won’t hear children of the Reagan era complaining.
Ahhh. Who could forget the time when Judd Nelson escaped detention while learning to love himself and others… by finding keys and kicking ninjas? And this should be one ending you won’t want to miss, if for no other reason than a stirring 8-bit version of Simple Minds’ Brat Pack anthem.
Above: Hey. Hey. Hey. Heeeeeyyy
All Breakfast Club photos by Josh Hines