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Infernal: Hell's Vengeance review

It Boots Up
AT A GLANCE
  • N/A
  • N/A
  • N/A
  • A two-year-old game
  • Feels ten years old
  • Would've stunk in 1999

What possessed Metropolis we’ll never know. We’re guessing they thought enough gamers weren’t subjected to the nightmare that is Infernal, and so a game that stank up PCs two years ago has made the leap to 360 where it can smear its brown marks all over our beloved white box too.

Hell’s Vengeance certainly lives up to its name. ‘Hero’ Ryan Lennox is a jerk whom it’s impossible to care about, and the ridiculous plot sees you selling your soul in exchange for demon powers to battle magical ninja monks and lady-boy assassins. While that sounds amusing, there’s nothing funny about Infernal. It’s crammed with irredeemable features designed solely to aggravate.

The cover system doesn’t work when you need it to, but activates at the worst possible moment. Ryan’s love of diving about after a double directional tap turns already messy battles into indecipherable gymnastic floor routines. The gunplay is weaker than the WWE’s ill-fated midget wrestling federation. And incredibly, the bodies you need to search to replenish ammo and health supplies disappear after a few seconds. You’ll rarely need the health top-ups though: even on Hard Ryan can soak up a clip of bullets and only lose one or two percent health.

The so-called puzzles rank among the worst we’ve ever seen. Ryan’s powers include teleportation and invisibility, but both are poorly implemented. Given its extremely limited time usage, teleportation is only useful in the most obvious locations (if a puzzle might be solvable by using teleportation you’re thinking too much), and even then its ass-awkward aiming reticule is a pain to move. Invisibility is even worse. For some reason Ryan turns invisible only when diving – try working that one out – and so laser-trap obstacles are only passable by rolling through them.

At the end of level one you’re trapped in an air-tight chamber as poison gas is slowly pumped into the room. Is the solution to shoot out all the windows to buy some time? Don’t be silly. It’s actually to stand by the four computer panels directly in front of you and hold a single button. Brilliant. Forget Psi-Ops; this is Sigh-Ops. Infernal is so broken, so boring and so worthless it would be much quicker to list the things it actually gets right, so here goes: ...

Aug 25, 2009

More Info

Release date: Jun 30 2009 - Xbox 360 (US)
Aug 28 2009 - Xbox 360 (UK)
Available Platforms: Xbox 360
Genre: Shooter
Published by: Playlogic
Developed by: Metropolis
ESRB Rating:
Mature: Blood, Language, Violence

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34 comments

  • CH3BURASHKA - August 1, 2010 7:49 a.m.

    Holy damn, I played a demo a while back on the PC and thought it mediocre: apparently I was incredibly wrong. This was a great review to read, and incredibly surprising as well. Poor Pellett...
  • fuelly - May 16, 2010 9:20 p.m.

    I traded in splinter cell conviction and got this and WET, WET isnt to bad but i played this for about 5 minutes and discovered, what have i done!!!!
  • RandomIdoit - September 5, 2009 10:54 p.m.

    I have finally seen the legendary and elusive 1! My checklist is almost complete. where's that 0...
  • OddWoN ER - September 1, 2009 8:51 p.m.

    why the hell would some one even publish this game... and if they did, they better hope there isnt any credits
  • Oleggg - August 31, 2009 1:58 p.m.

    GR, I luv ya reviews xD
  • GamerTagsSuck - August 29, 2009 5:13 a.m.

    And I'm suprised adadad isn't here exclaiming about how a game on the 360 couldn't possibly be bad. God I hate that guy.
  • mertor3190 - August 28, 2009 7:05 p.m.

    Wow first time I see a 1! This game shouldnt even exist! And I love that: "You'll love: N/A"
  • barrage7667 - August 27, 2009 6:05 p.m.

    ive never seen a game get a 1 before FINALLY IVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR SOOO LONG!!!
  • Sidnapolis - August 27, 2009 5:58 a.m.

    Wow...I actually can't remember seeing a game get a 1 on this site yet, at least not in a long time... RECAPTCHA: checkups 1027, funny, i went to the doctor this morning.
  • GoldenMe - August 26, 2009 10:48 p.m.

    Another game listed into GamesRadar's very small List of Games with No Value.
  • gonar12 - August 26, 2009 6:38 p.m.

    My friend bought this game and said it was the equivalent of getting beaten to death by a giant turd.
  • CreeplyTuna - August 26, 2009 2:44 p.m.

    is it good for achievements? im an achievement junkie
  • HeavyTank - August 26, 2009 11:45 a.m.

    Haha, l always love to read 1,2 and 3/10 reviews, they are funny...nice one.
  • Dameon Angell - August 26, 2009 7:53 a.m.

    Word on the street says this game actually makes your 360 display the red ring of death, only to protect you. wtf Captcha: glinted M'CLENDON
  • drprofessor - August 26, 2009 3:27 a.m.

    hahaha great review. I played through (yeah i beat this turd) this game on Gametap. So, thankfully, i didnt technically have to pay for it. I feel bad for any poor soul that actually buys this shit.
  • Schnipke - August 26, 2009 2:30 a.m.

    Should I be glad I've never heard of it until now? I'm pretty sure though that if one of my cousin's had a 360, he'd be idiotic enough to buy the game just because of the name.
  • may.be.vital - August 26, 2009 2:17 a.m.

    This was one of the funniest reviews I've read :) great job
  • RandomIdoit - September 5, 2009 10:58 p.m.

    Oh! I have an idea on what you could call a 1 from now on - Dead, still going with the "wounded", and "broken" things. ReCapta: lumped information
  • mishmoigon - August 31, 2009 1:45 a.m.

    Hilarious review XD
  • TrigunGunner - August 30, 2009 10:46 p.m.

    ah, I love reading a review of a game that got a 1. So much insults crammed into one nice review package.

Showing 1-20 of 34 comments

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