Worrying news yesterday. The producer of the so-much-fun-they-could-be-herpes Resident Evil movies said that he'd love the games and films to converge at some point. Two problems with that. The films bare barely any resemblance to the games, and also, they are dire.
But it got us thinking. What if certain franchises started taking inspiration from the cinematic clunkers they inspired? It's already started with a few of the visual effects in Silent Hill, but what if it went further? That thought got us scared, so we worked out our fears through Photoshop. First up, Resi 6 would get really awkward:
"Just ask Jill. I was totally there at that Nemesis fight in part two"
"It was part three"
Minigame! Because after being directed by Uwe Boll, vampire Meatloaf just can't see vegetarianism the same way again.
The above screenshot would encapsulate the entire game. Because as we all know, there are no demons (or references to Hell at all) in Doom. All it really needs in order to be amazing is a climactic fist fight with an ex-wrestler.
Come on, Bowser stopped being scary decades ago. A CG rendered Dennis Hopper in full Frank Booth mode would really make the plumber work for the win. In fact let's base the whole of the next game around Blue Velvet, with Mario as Jeffrey and Peach as Dorothy. It'd be emotional scar-free fun for the whole family!
It'd be hilarious. They could make a really crappy version of the game using crappy digitised versions of the crappy actors in the crappy first movie. It'd be crappy! No, wait, hang on a sec, they actually did that, didn't they? And lo, the innocence of the world was lost forever...
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