If games were more like their film adaptations

Film taking from games is annoying, but pray it never comes full circle

Words: David Houghton on April 7, 2010

Worrying news yesterday. The producer of the so-much-fun-they-could-be-herpes Resident Evil movies said that he'd love the games and films to converge at some point. Two problems with that. The films bare barely any resemblance to the games, and also, they are dire.

But it got us thinking. What if certain franchises started taking inspiration from the cinematic clunkers they inspired? It's already started with a few of the visual effects in Silent Hill, but what if it went further? That thought got us scared, so we worked out our fears through Photoshop. First up, Resi 6 would get really awkward:

Resident Evil

"Just ask Jill. I was totally there at that Nemesis fight in part two"

"It was part three"

"Shit"

BloodRayne

Minigame! Because after being directed by Uwe Boll, vampire Meatloaf just can't see vegetarianism the same way again.

Doom

The above screenshot would encapsulate the entire game. Because as we all know, there are no demons (or references to Hell at all) in Doom. All it really needs in order to be amazing is a climactic fist fight with an ex-wrestler.

Mario

Come on, Bowser stopped being scary decades ago. A CG rendered Dennis Hopper in full Frank Booth mode would really make the plumber work for the win. In fact let's base the whole of the next game around Blue Velvet, with Mario as Jeffrey and Peach as Dorothy. It'd be emotional scar-free fun for the whole family!

Street Fighter

It'd be hilarious. They could make a really crappy version of the game using crappy digitised versions of the crappy actors in the crappy first movie. It'd be crappy! No, wait, hang on a sec, they actually did that, didn't they? And lo, the innocence of the world was lost forever...

Platforms:

Xbox 360, PS2, PC, Wii

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ballplayer27 - November 23, 2010 8:20 a.m.

I'm looking at you @thisisnttwitter talk shit somewhere else, idiot. The movies would in fact be much better if they weren't trying to pass themselves off as resi films. They are one of the better zombie series out there and without resi they wouldn't have to try to wrap the plot around so much crap just to get the nods to canon into the film. Imagine taking the last two films an ripping out the gratuitous game toss ins. It would be one long badass gorefest. Who better to fight off the zombie apocolypse than a smoking hot psychic bullet time ninja?
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VermithraxDagon - April 17, 2010 3:07 a.m.

Busted a gut at the Frank Booth in Blue Velvet reference :D One of my friends & I absolute favorite movie characters ever, we're always doing quotes from that classic David Lynch masterpiece. Even dressed up as Frank Booth one Halloween and went trick r' treating with the kids (and yes, I was in my late 30's). Had the whole oxygen mask accessory and everything (except, unfortunately, the Nitros Oxide..hehe..). Frakkin hilarious, Dave! Great Job!
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DriveShaft - April 10, 2010 midnight

I actually like the resident evil movies okay, even though they definately shouldn't be called 'Resident Evil' <_<
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Conman93 - April 8, 2010 12:22 p.m.

I wonder will the prince of persia movie breakthe trend of terrible game adaptions
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philipshaw - April 8, 2010 10:47 a.m.

I remember that Street Fighter movie game, it sucked so bad
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Anduin1 - April 8, 2010 4:04 a.m.

Hey that SF game looks pretty awesome
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EnragedTortoise1 - April 8, 2010 2:24 a.m.

@Cyberninja: Oh, god, no. THEY WON'T.
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Fancy Rat - April 8, 2010 12:06 a.m.

"Fire flower? FUCK THAT SHIT! ONE! UP! MUSHROOM!"
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Cyberninja - April 7, 2010 9:30 p.m.

if they handle it right i want to see a okami movie
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mdiaz033 - April 7, 2010 8:16 p.m.

anyone who likes those shitty resident evil movies (with the exception of the first mainly b/c it has the most RE references) must be a simpleton. the bullettime ninja kungfu matrix sh!t is SOOO late 90s/early 00s. how can anyone think thats awesome??? im looking at you @Unoriginal and @hardcore_gamer1990 whatever floats your boat. i wont judge, just saying that you guys have low and dull expectations for action movies. @Gex4212 - keep in mind Dead Space II hasn't come out yet and it is uncertain if the "epic-ness" that was promised by EA and Redwood Shores will take away from the survival horror aspect. besides, the 1st DS kinda had some epic moments that really worked well with the horror aspect in the sense that it got me saying "ohshitohshitohshit" for example when isaac is being pulled by a tentacle across a hallway or upsidedown or when he's shooting missiles at a monster/debris btw GR, good article, short but sweet.
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CreeplyTuna - April 7, 2010 8:01 p.m.

this could have been longer...
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Unoriginal - April 7, 2010 7:30 p.m.

Bacause it's awesome.
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BlackElement17 - April 7, 2010 6:58 p.m.

That always bugged me about the resi films. Why the fuck is there a psychic bullet time ninja
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Zeipher - April 7, 2010 5:57 p.m.

If you thought Dead Space was not a horror game and was an action game, you probably don't think a true horror game actually exists. That game was terrifying. And once again, people are judging games based on what they EXPECT of them and not what the games ARE. I'll take RE4 over any RE. 5 was a undeniably a great game as well, even if it was an action game. Also, I've heard rumors of a MGS movie. I'm kind of ambivalent...but mostly think they should stay the hell away. (www.lulzgamer.blogspot.com)
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RebornKusabi - April 7, 2010 5:22 p.m.

I would like to add however, that the soundtrack CD for the first Resident Evil movie was and still is in my opinion one of the greatest soundtracks to a movie. I don't mean "movie music", I mean music that you can actually listen to on a regular basis, plus this movie and the "Spawn" movie's soundtrack have the fun distinction of being CD's that have given me infinitely more enjoyment than the goddamn movies did ; ) Just thought I'd throw that out there!
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Gex4212 - April 7, 2010 5:12 p.m.

I think RE has lost its edge too... I think RE5 sold many copies was because of the name Resident Evil. People have been waiting years. RE started going downhill ever since RE4. It has become more action then horror/survival. You have characters blowing up heads with punches....I mean come on. Go back to the roots. RE5 makes RE:Outbreak look good. But a lot of these developers bitch because of games being too scary. Well stop buying horror games if u dont like being scared. Thats why titles like RE and Deadspace become action games
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masterj2k11 - April 7, 2010 4:49 p.m.

I actually stopped playing in arcades when my local mall arcade raplaced street fighter 2 with the movie adaptation. It was the blasphemies to end all blasphemies. Now that arcade is no longer there. Coincidence, I think not.
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GameManiac - April 7, 2010 3:58 p.m.

Mario would be ruined if that ever happened, and Nintendo's second best franchise would be their best franchise... Which would either be Zelda or Pokemon.
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RebornKusabi - April 7, 2010 2:31 p.m.

I figured I would point out, because no one else has, but the RE games already have started to take things from the RE movie. Constant Action instead of Horror Kung-Fu/Matrix-inspired moves Insane physics-defying actions (Chris fisting a boulder reeks of anything Alice has ever done) RE4 has a laser hallway that is taken almost EXACTLY from the first RE movie (except dumber because Leon does ****ing flips over the lasers) I'm sure there is more... but I just thought I would point out that RE4 and RE5 already HAVE basically become exactly like the movies that were inspired by them.
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hardcore_gamer1990 - April 7, 2010 2:29 p.m.

@ImanSain - Yeah, but if you ignore the Resident Evil bits, it makes a goooood Zombie Flick :)
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