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So Eidos plans to make Lara Croft more "family-friendly". Turns out despite the huge brand name and near universal critical acclaim, Tomb Raider Underworld just didn't sell as well as they had predicted, so it's time to tap that lucrative family market.
But Eidos don't need to spend thousands on a marketing consultant - we've done all the hard work for them and drawn up new versions of Lara. Indeed, one for every member of the family: mum, dad, gran, grandad and the younger sister. There's no need to redesign her for the teenage boy because that's just regular Lara. So, Mr or Ms Eidos, when you decide to run with these, please make the cheque payable to Mr Justin Towell. Yes, that's two 'L's...
Gran's Lara is such a nice young girl. She wears nice, practical shoes and a skirt from Laura Ashley. Oh, and she covers up her figure from prying eyes with a nice cardigan. She carries around a basket full of kittens, which she uses... well, for everything and nothing, really. They're just so adorable! And Gran's Lara is always calm is a crisis, as she always carries a tea urn and three cups. Why three? Well, you never know who's going to drop in at 11, even in the Greek underworld.
This is Lara in the style of Bratz. We can't think of anything more annoying, but hey, it sells. Look - she's got her designer handbag, shiny skin and hair that's perfect for a new grooming sub-game in the DS version. As for that gun, don't worry, it fires unicorn bubbles. And the caked-on make-up? Well... they grow up so quickly these days, don't they?
Next page: Grandad's Lara shows some ankle!
