Hitman: Absolution's barcode belongs to a bag for dildos (seriously)

And on the lighter side of the news, it turns out a game about murdering people for money has a naughtier side. It all--- ugh, sorry, we can only write like a news anchor for so long. Here’s what happened: today’s announcement trailer for Hitman: Absolution ends with a barcode. Said barcode seems to only be intended to advertise “110706” which almost definitely means June 7 of this year is when the game will debut during E3. Turns out that when you alter the coloring to match a standard UPC and scan it with an iPhone App, you are taken to an Amazon page selling a bag for storing dildos. Yeah…

Above: Who knew that hilarity lurked within?

You have to admit that’s pretty funny right? I mean, a dildo by itself is humorous enough, but a "Drawstring Double Dong Dildo Bag in Starry Night Blue"? That mix of the mundane with carnality makes it all the more amusing. Though safe storage of dildos is nothing to laugh at, as those adult novelty items don’t come cheap. I’m not sure if $15 is a fair price for a dildo bag, but packing away your “fantasy toy” in a plastic bag from Best Buy just doesn’t seem as dignified. See, GR isn’t just about laughs, it’s about education.

Above: Confused by the subject? Here’s a visual aid from Dead Rising 2 

May 10, 2011




  • Sharkbot - May 12, 2011 5:51 p.m.

    Gaming Journalism at its fucking finest. ^Ha!
  • moan4stalone - May 11, 2011 4:29 p.m.

    Must be a amazon pre order bonus?
  • Gahmah - May 11, 2011 3:03 p.m.

    considering it's hitman, this will probably come about traumatically in some way being in the game, like a pipebomb or something. I'm still freaking excited for this game
  • spatuluk - May 11, 2011 10:12 a.m.

    What? No it doesn't! I scanned the barcode using the Google Shopper app on my Android phone, and it linked to a list of Hitman games. Maybe it depends what you use to scan with, or what country you're in?
  • MancisFrorkYorgan - May 11, 2011 8:34 a.m.

  • quincytheodore - May 11, 2011 5:43 a.m.

    Agh, that zombie slaying mankini again.. I just finished my healing process, you just made me relapsed.. That should come with mankini alert, like larger than your spoiler alert :( I think it's additional objective, like stuck a dildo up your target's S. Hitman did it before in an opening level where 47 showed a picture of the client's child before killing the mark. What..? I'm being serious here, mark my word..
  • rSquared - May 11, 2011 5:40 a.m.

    LMFAO! There's one review for the item and the reviewer's name is 'Showman' haha and he gave it 5*s! Anyway Hitman is a decent IP hope they make this one great.
  • Clovin64 - May 11, 2011 5:19 a.m.

    Maybe its a teasing hint for the developers next game? Or will Agent 47 be able to get his mitts on a certain secret weapon for close range executions? Hmmm...
  • AlaskaGrown - May 11, 2011 3:55 a.m.

    I can see the strap line now - Hitman Absolution: More fun than a bag full of dildos!
  • TopNewt - May 11, 2011 2:11 a.m.

  • AnarchyZombie - May 11, 2011 1:51 a.m.

    You silly hitmen...
  • Fro4show - May 11, 2011 1:21 a.m.

    This game should totally come with the bag. Seriously.
  • ItBurnsWhenIWii - May 11, 2011 1:02 a.m.

    Is this a preview for the pre-order bonus stores will give?
  • Ravenbom - May 11, 2011 12:50 a.m.

    That is too fucking funny!
  • terdferguson - May 11, 2011 12:33 a.m.

    Silver ballers.
  • Queefitswhatsfordinner - May 11, 2011 12:24 a.m.

    They never tell you in journalism school that one day you might end up writing about how some marketing jackass stuck a dildo bag UPC onto a AAA property they're representing. Awesome find anyways, Mr. Gilbert.
  • TheDCSniper - May 11, 2011 12:08 a.m.

    Is there any confirmation as to whether double dongers will actually be available in the game?
  • z50macdaddy - May 10, 2011 11:54 p.m.

    now this is funny, can't wait to tell my brother about this, he is a fan of the game

Showing 1-18 of 18 comments

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