Gaming’s most hellish holiday spots

Covered, concealed and colourfully described, gaming’s most dangerous places repackaged as top tourist resorts

Words: on October 30, 2008

Watching our parents strut around clumsily with a foreign language guide with all the finesse of a broken PSP Talkman translator. Taking an unwanted three hour excursion to the toilet after a disagreeable run-in with the undercooked/overcooked/not quite dead local cuisine. Sunburn. We've all had a bad holiday at some time or another.

And how did we end up in most of these situations? Well, before the time of alluringly cheap internet flights we had the snake-skinned, dead-eyed, crocodile smiles of travel agents. Low on morals and high on the prospect of sale bonuses, motivational buzzwords and colourful euphemisms, these risible reps would do anything to send you to the sun. Always conveniently forgetting the 'fun in the' part.

But, while we've been sold some horrible holidays before, we've never been at risk from seismic, dimension-tearing explosions, drills to the face or having the displeasure of our necks being introduced to the business end of a chainsaw. These are perils we'd all face if the following nightmarish gaming resorts existed, though, and the travel industry could sell us enough lies to get us there. We think we'll spend our next hols in the dark, damp, but reassuringly evisceration-free place we call home.

Destination: RAPTURE - BIOSHOCK

Related

Platforms:

Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, PC

33 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
  • jimmyjoo

    jimmyjoo  - 1 year, 11 months ago  - Report

    I was definitely expecting Silent Hill to be on here.
  • ryno

    ryno  - 3 years, 2 months ago  - Report

    lol man thats funny
  • Cernunnos

    Cernunnos  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    i would have used ravenholm instead of city 17, but wouldnt go to neither.

    great article as always GR. ;)

    @ Ninja-KiLLR:
    Samuel71 was right. the thing concealing something would indeed be a plant, therefore Flora, superimposed to conceal the local Fauna.

    PS: no Temen Ni Gru?!!?
  • GwaR

    GwaR  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    The creepiest part of this entire article is the picture of content editor Dave Meikleham on the first page. I could totally see that pale-skinned, child-molester-stash-wearing dude trying to sell me one of these vacation packages.
  • zer0hvk

    zer0hvk  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    yeah, Silent Hill would've been nice, but, as always, awesome article, thanks for making the internet awesome ;)
  • Fluxnard

    Fluxnard  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    Now, if I book a vacation to City 17, does that include a head-crab as well?

    Funneh article
  • G4M3_N3M3S1S

    G4M3_N3M3S1S  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    Spend a weekend in the hotel of the future.We almost 27% guarenteed it won't be your last.Total lolage.
  • purpleshirt

    purpleshirt  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    golly g!
    20% off for not lookin' behind a sticker!
    you gots yourself a deal mr malevolent poster
  • Pozat

    Pozat  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    UNIDENTIFIED LOCATION IN EUROPE!!! haha, would definitely love to go there!!
  • Tw1sted

    Tw1sted  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    "20% off if you don't look underneath this sticker" XD XD XD

    I did feel like a lot of them were repetetive though, but they're still very good! (y)
  • NelosAngelos

    NelosAngelos  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    Lol, not at all SS-like police force. Yeah, they won't throw you in a furnace...but that doesn't mean they won't crack your skull open with a club.
  • katwood92

    katwood92  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    Weird. I just bought three of those games (Bioshock, Dead Space and Resident Evil). Do you have spies watching me? *looks around suspisiously*
  • cog114

    cog114  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    i thought silent hill was going to be one
  • ShadowGHX

    ShadowGHX  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    ''A warm welcome guarenteed!''

    This article is epic.
  • darkmagshin

    darkmagshin  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    lol, i would have gone for something from halo. installation 00 perhaps? the ark? anywys its still a gr8 article! big props.
  • Xplosive59

    Xplosive59  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    lol
  • Defguru7777

    Defguru7777  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    I think these would be good destinations for physicists, space engineers, government agents, or a mind-controlled drugged up freak (no offense to anybody from Alabama).
  • Ninja-KiLLR

    Ninja-KiLLR  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    no it is fauna unless the enemies in dead space are plants? i didnt know plants bleed.
  • Samuel71

    Samuel71  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    You used "fauna" when you should have used "flora". ;)
  • Corsair89

    Corsair89  - 3 years, 3 months ago  - Report

    I kaughed plenty of times during this article
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