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Gaming’s most hellish holiday spots

Watching our parents strut around clumsily with a foreign language guide with all the finesse of a broken PSP Talkman translator. Taking an unwanted three hour excursion to the toilet after a disagreeable run-in with the undercooked/overcooked/not quite dead local cuisine. Sunburn. We've all had a bad holiday at some time or another.

And how did we end up in most of these situations? Well, before the time of alluringly cheap internet flights we had the snake-skinned, dead-eyed, crocodile smiles of travel agents. Low on morals and high on the prospect of sale bonuses, motivational buzzwords and colourful euphemisms, these risible reps would do anything to send you to the sun. Always conveniently forgetting the 'fun in the' part.

But, while we've been sold some horrible holidays before, we've never been at risk from seismic, dimension-tearing explosions, drills to the face or having the displeasure of our necks being introduced to the business end of a chainsaw. These are perils we'd all face if the following nightmarish gaming resorts existed, though, and the travel industry could sell us enough lies to get us there. We think we'll spend our next hols in the dark, damp, but reassuringly evisceration-free place we call home.

Destination: RAPTURE - BIOSHOCK

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33 comments

  • jimmyjoo - February 28, 2010 3:27 a.m.

    I was definitely expecting Silent Hill to be on here.
  • ryno - November 22, 2008 5:53 p.m.

    lol man thats funny
  • Cernunnos - November 4, 2008 8:20 a.m.

    i would have used ravenholm instead of city 17, but wouldnt go to neither. great article as always GR. ;) @ Ninja-KiLLR: Samuel71 was right. the thing concealing something would indeed be a plant, therefore Flora, superimposed to conceal the local Fauna. PS: no Temen Ni Gru?!!?
  • GwaR - November 3, 2008 11:59 p.m.

    The creepiest part of this entire article is the picture of content editor Dave Meikleham on the first page. I could totally see that pale-skinned, child-molester-stash-wearing dude trying to sell me one of these vacation packages.
  • zer0hvk - November 1, 2008 10:41 a.m.

    yeah, Silent Hill would've been nice, but, as always, awesome article, thanks for making the internet awesome ;)
  • Fluxnard - October 31, 2008 3:50 a.m.

    Now, if I book a vacation to City 17, does that include a head-crab as well? Funneh article
  • G4M3_N3M3S1S - October 30, 2008 11:20 p.m.

    Spend a weekend in the hotel of the future.We almost 27% guarenteed it won't be your last.Total lolage.
  • purpleshirt - October 30, 2008 12:27 p.m.

    golly g! 20% off for not lookin' behind a sticker! you gots yourself a deal mr malevolent poster
  • Pozat - October 30, 2008 10:52 a.m.

    UNIDENTIFIED LOCATION IN EUROPE!!! haha, would definitely love to go there!!
  • Tw1sted - November 3, 2008 1:59 a.m.

    "20% off if you don't look underneath this sticker" XD XD XD I did feel like a lot of them were repetetive though, but they're still very good! (y)
  • NelosAngelos - November 2, 2008 9:09 p.m.

    Lol, not at all SS-like police force. Yeah, they won't throw you in a furnace...but that doesn't mean they won't crack your skull open with a club.
  • katwood92 - November 1, 2008 5:35 p.m.

    Weird. I just bought three of those games (Bioshock, Dead Space and Resident Evil). Do you have spies watching me? *looks around suspisiously*
  • cog114 - November 1, 2008 2:34 a.m.

    i thought silent hill was going to be one
  • ShadowGHX - October 31, 2008 9:20 p.m.

    ''A warm welcome guarenteed!'' This article is epic.
  • darkmagshin - October 31, 2008 10:16 a.m.

    lol, i would have gone for something from halo. installation 00 perhaps? the ark? anywys its still a gr8 article! big props.
  • Xplosive59 - October 31, 2008 9:18 a.m.

    lol
  • Defguru7777 - October 31, 2008 1:39 a.m.

    I think these would be good destinations for physicists, space engineers, government agents, or a mind-controlled drugged up freak (no offense to anybody from Alabama).
  • Ninja-KiLLR - October 31, 2008 12:19 a.m.

    no it is fauna unless the enemies in dead space are plants? i didnt know plants bleed.
  • Samuel71 - October 30, 2008 11:38 p.m.

    You used "fauna" when you should have used "flora". ;)
  • Corsair89 - October 30, 2008 11:14 p.m.

    I kaughed plenty of times during this article

Showing 1-20 of 33 comments

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