Gaming's craziest cults

We are building a religion. We are building it bigger. We are widening the corridors. And adding more lanes.

Words: Jim_Sterling on October 6, 2010

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hybr1dgamerx - October 6, 2010 9:51 p.m.

i kinda expect a backlash from that last bit jim :P
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Tispower - October 6, 2010 9:46 p.m.

@crumbdunky +1 It's not necessary to mix game journalism with religion/atheism to write something contraversial and/or funny. However this article does neither.
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RabidCabbage - October 6, 2010 9:43 p.m.

I am extremely shocked by this article. An Englishman using the word "zany"? Oh dear. Good stuff though, I should probably get round to finishing Dead Space.
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johnthe5th - October 6, 2010 9:42 p.m.

I agree with Athenecas and crumbdunky. This was a great and funny article until the end. It just seems out of place and rude. I just love the irony about how you just throw around the words "bigotry" and "intolerance" and yet you don't realize that's exactly what you're doing here. I'm not Catholic, and I don't agree with many aspects of the Catholic church, but that doesn't mean its OK for me to persecute them. Or anybody, for that matter.
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paganpoet - October 6, 2010 9:41 p.m.

@Bonesqaw - Maybe the Cult of Kefka just marches around all dead-eyes and trancelike, but they have the freakiest theme music. Seriously, that shit used to blow my 10 year old mind.
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CH3BURASHKA - October 6, 2010 9:41 p.m.

You really tickled the fuck out of my funny bone on that last one, Sterling. Thanks. I was hoping for a mention of the Satanists from Max Payne. They're nothing special or outstanding, but the first time I played through that section I damn near shat myself, especially when he comes at you in his drug rage.
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shadowreaper72 - October 6, 2010 9:33 p.m.

Im probably going to sound like a smartass here but the Covanant didnt go to war with humans just because they was racist. When the Covanant attacked Harvest they actually tried to indoctrinate humanity into their beliefs as well. But for some damn reason they sent Brutes for diplomatic discusions(seriously, Brutes? theyre fucking murder loving dumbasses!) All hell broke lose. Meanwhile back at High Charity, the prophets saw there was according to their scanners that their was Forerunner artifacts galore on Harvest. They had an Oracle, which is actually another dumbass moniter like Guilty Sparks, and they asked them why was the artifacts disapearing off of harvest. Turns out humans are the forerunners and they are dying. But the prophets claimed blasphemy closed their eyes and said lalalalalalalalal while they declared war on humanity and there you have it. Came off the novel Halo Contact Harvest
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Christopia - October 6, 2010 9:19 p.m.

I think there's a certain irony to the article. I mean, only a very small number of Catholics, or most religions for that matter view thier holy text as absolute truth. Obviously the Catholicism of dante's inferno isn't an accurate depiction of modern Catholicism, by acting as though it were I got the impression that jim was jesting, playing up to the attitude of the Internet in general towards gaming. Even if he wasn't, he's expressing some ones opinion is incorrect and causing a debate, which is hardly crime of the century!
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Thuperman - October 6, 2010 9:17 p.m.

I am outraged! How dare you? I mean really!?! REALLY?!? Must you stoop so low? How could you have put that last part in? I would have thought you were better than this, I mean come on.....calling the Saturnines "zany"? Well I stand by and watch this happen. SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!!
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yasmarc - October 6, 2010 9:02 p.m.

It's funny that it's ok to make fun of made-up religion but then he threw in a real one and suddenly everyone tries to argue. All religion is made up to an extent (and some by sci-fi writers oooooooooh yea!) Recaptcha - kopenblo endure??????????
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Bonesqaw - October 6, 2010 9:01 p.m.

I'd say that Los Illuminados should be on the list; Cult of Kefka doesn't really do anything "crazy"; they just dance and stuff I think that last one was actually pretty great satire of Catholocism (noting the line about loose basis in reality)
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masneppihs02 - October 6, 2010 9 p.m.

@JohnDagger I totally agree with this statement
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Moondoggie1157 - October 6, 2010 8:59 p.m.

I find your lack of faith... refreshing. Though I sense a disturbance in the force.
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Chrisd - October 6, 2010 8:49 p.m.

To quote what i read in a form "religion is like a pienis, its ok if you got one just don't go waving it about in public or trying to ram it down my throught" which
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crumbdunky - October 6, 2010 8:45 p.m.

From anyone other than Mr Sterling I'd see the inclusion of Catholicism(which, if anything, is a sect rather than any sort of cult)as just a bit ill advised and not quite fitting with the subject matter. However, seeing as JS regularly writes to massage his own ego rather than for anything like the reason of informing readers about gaming(lord forbid) I cannot be so charitable. When will he grow out of poking "fun" at the biggest games with the most fans(or in this case a massive religious body)just for the controversy? The "hey, look at how controversial and edgy I am!!" shtick is wearing mighty thin on this reader to the point where I really can't be bothered thinking about him or his articles any more. It's not big and it's not brave and because you know he's doing it only for the reaction it isn't EVEN offensive or controversial as you have no reason to think he actually believes what he's written.It's sad to me that a man gifted with no small talent for string words together chooses to waste it in this rather crass and formulaic manner-and I'm sure he wouldn't like to think he WAS writing to a formula but it's there for all to see. A real pity when writers with less God given talent regularly write better pieces just because they aren't as caught up in their own importance. I just hope he grows up before he spunks his talent away completely and forgets how top do this job properly.
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mrandydixon - October 6, 2010 8:45 p.m.

First!
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humpiedumpie - October 6, 2010 8:43 p.m.

Fun article, not so sure if the last one is smart to place. But i guess it's kind of funny.. :P
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Athenacas - October 6, 2010 8:43 p.m.

Catholicism is a very complex religion, and most of those commenting as well as the author himself seem to be confused or misinformed with regard to its theology and morality. Please do not comment on that particular portion of the article if you do not understand it. By the way, don't hold religion responsible for the acts of others (your reference to the soldiers in the Crusades). We don't hold atheism responsible for the Holodomor and the Great Leap Forward. I also understand that the section was written regarding Dante's Inferno, but the author seemed to intentionally include it (despite it not being a cult) for the purpose of attacking it. Finally, the author's attempt to connect the Covenant to Islam is misguided, and he once again demonstrates a lack of knowledge in that department.
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JamesT - October 6, 2010 8:31 p.m.

Fantastic. I love you GR.
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MyNameIsMyName - October 6, 2010 8:25 p.m.

I'm not a Catholic, but you can't go in half cocked on a criticism of a real thing if you don't know the basis. It's promoting the same ignorant, broadbrush bigotry that you accuse the religion of. Do you not see the irony?
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