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E3 2011 Award: Most Likely to Consume Our Lives

Perhaps it seems a bit silly to be complaining about how a game will soon devour everyone’s free time, especially in this age where games are mostly getting shorter and we’re always crying about how we’re not getting our $60 worth, but dammit, we’re still terrified of certain impending releases because we’re gamers, and by god if we had the willpower to stop ourselves from playing games we wouldn’t be in this whole mess in the first place, would we? We swear we actually get heart palpitations and break out in a clammy sweat when we think about this handful of upcoming games, because any one of these could mean that we’ll miss out on every other good game for a while as we pound away at our obsession. These games aren’t necessarily long in the traditional sense, like old-fashioned RPGs that took a minimum of fifty hours, but rather these titles will likely have endless sidequests and general dicking-around options that we’ll choose to take a hundred hours before we begrudgingly schlep into the final quest.


The Nominees:

Dark Souls

Friggen’ Dark Souls is going to be so bad for us because not only will it eat a good sixty hours of our time, but half that time will be spent dying and cursing. We’re going to be miserable for a good portion of those hours, and we’re going to love every minute of that misery. If that doesn’t make sense, then you need to play Demon’s Souls. Now.  Preview 



The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

The Elder Scrolls games are always enormous timesinks (as anyone who’s played Oblivion or Morrowind can attest), filled with epic quests and optional tasks that can easily suck up hundreds of hours, and Skyrim promises to be the biggest one yet. Not only is it more ambitious than Oblivion, with sharper visuals, around 120 distinct dungeons and Bioshock 2-inspired, two-fisted weapon/spell-wielding, but its Radiant Story system will mix up pre-written quests with semi-randomized ones.  Preview



Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning  

We had no idea how huge this game would be until we learned some recent details, although do we really need to know more than that it has 120 unique dungeons (how did that end up as the same number as Skyrim)? Fine: there are hundreds of items which can be crafted into hundreds of other items, and the combat is more like God of War than Elder Scrolls, which means the combat alone will likely make us want to play this forever.  Preview 



Saints Row: The Third

We loved the shit out of Grand Theft Auto IV, but as a “sandbox game,” Saints Row: The Third makes it look as if Rockstar’s lost its way. Where are the needlessly violent Rampage missions, the skydiving gun fights, the civilian loss, and, for the love of god, the dildo-based weapons?! Well, thankfully, they’ve all taken up residence in Steelport, and this time around Volition Inc. decided a total lack of restraint is how to best present a wonderfully gratuitous open-world with an infinite amount of options for you and a co-op buddy. Care to fire a missile into a group of nuns from a supersonic jet you’re piloting in the nude? Saints Row: The Third has a place for you…  Preview 




And the winner is…

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

As promising as the other nominees look, we’re calling this one for Skyrim. Part of it is down to the game’s pedigree – like we said above, the previous Elder Scrolls games were legendary timesinks that ate up more weekends than we can count and took months to finish, and Fallout 3 – created by the same development team – was no less involving. However, Skyrim brings a host of additions that have us extremely intrigued, not the least of which are its dragons, which are huge, appear randomly and can grant you new powers once you’ve brought them crashing down to earth. There are smaller improvements as well, including villages with their own dynamic economies, a more customizable leveling system, an elaborate crafting system and a greater focus on story when exploring dungeons. It all adds up to a game that promises to dominate our lives this November, and we can’t wait to let it.


Above: Plus, furries  

Jun 23, 2011



MONDAY:
Most graphics | Coolest character reinvention
Best response to fan feedback 
TUESDAY:
Best trailer | Most satisfying gore | Guiltiest pleasure
Most shameless rip-off 
WEDNESDAY:
Best new game we know nothing about
Worst first impression | Best game for masochists 
THURSDAY:
Most likely to consume our lives | Artsiest-fartsiest
Most tasteless 
FRIDAY:
Might not actually suck | Proof that 2D isn't dead | BEST OF SHOW 

Topics

E3

34 comments

  • Butters130 - July 1, 2011 8:43 a.m.

    Oblivion took 100 hours of my life. Skyrim will take more. And thank you Bethesda for releasing it a month before finals. Well, I guess C's get degrees. Pokemon Black did the same to me last semester.
  • elmaropwnz - June 29, 2011 12:23 a.m.

    I am genuinely curious as to why anyone would rather play anything than Skyrim this year *ahem*BRAIN-DEAD-COD-TARDS*ahem*. Also HAHAHAHA to people who think they are RPGers because they played fallout 3 or Oblivion for a combined 300 hours, I played fallout 3 for like 600 hours n00bs
  • Craza - June 25, 2011 4:26 p.m.

    Oh God. I just know when Skyrim comes out, I'll lose my boyfriend for a month. Wait....I'll be playing too. Meh, it all works out. :3
  • Eliath - June 25, 2011 12:39 a.m.

    While I understand why Skyrim won, I don't understand why people love it and Oblivion so much. I thought Oblivion was mediocre at best. That said I do have Skyrim preordered already. However, if Guild Wars 2 comes out it will definitely eat up the most of my time followed by Disgaea 4 and Dark Souls. Skyrim might make the Top 10 just out of it's size and the fact that I am usually a completionist.
  • TheHowetzer - June 24, 2011 6:48 p.m.

    @ Mortis , I think you are right, its been awhile now with that crap on. Also this Kingdoms game I had not heard of but I want it!! All look awesome though
  • vrman - June 24, 2011 1:57 p.m.

    That very last line of text was enough to ruin the whole damn game for me. My excessively creepy boss, who is also a fixture of my nightmares, is a furry.
  • Gob - June 24, 2011 1:27 p.m.

    Ready? Ready DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING DESCRIBE IT!! Yeah, Skyrim will kill me...I'll cease to eat, drink, or sleep...I'll just shrivel up and die, dreaming of murdering dragons in the snow.
  • TriforcePlayer - June 24, 2011 1:08 p.m.

    I'll be on Dark Souls and Zelda for a good long time.
  • Rhymenocerous - June 24, 2011 9:41 a.m.

    I am genuinely fearful of the sheer epicness of Skyrim. Also, I'd like to point out that Grand Theft Auto has changed for the better. Fuck Saint's Row.
  • ChickenFillet5140 - June 24, 2011 9:31 a.m.

    CAN. NOT. WAIT. FOR. SKYRIM.
  • D0CCON - June 24, 2011 6:10 a.m.

    Damn straight Skyrim won this category. No other game series is half as deserving (since no other game series has lasted me half of those 200 hours, excluding earlier Pokemon games when I had way more free time and way fewer games).
  • StrayGator - June 24, 2011 5:33 a.m.

    ahemSWTORahem
  • Furyspittles - June 24, 2011 4:35 a.m.

    If anything other than Skyrim got this, I was going to lose my shit. Haha, a certain percentage of the population WILL just disappear on 11/11/11, the time of their reappearance entirely dependent on their gaming prowess. It shall henceforth be known as the 'Skyrim Effect'.
  • Yeager1122 - June 24, 2011 4:30 a.m.

    Who didint think skyrim would win this so excited for it,
  • staplersexits - June 24, 2011 3:48 a.m.

    There wasn't even a contest here.
  • Gahmah - June 24, 2011 3:25 a.m.

    I've sunk 250 hours in to demon's souls, about 14 into elderscrolls in total, that might go up with morrowind playin some, but, not much.
  • babyhenchy1 - June 24, 2011 3:05 a.m.

    Mass Effect 3 is going to take up the most of my time. Skyrim and Dark Souls are up there though.
  • icedoesnthelp - June 24, 2011 2:46 a.m.

    Honestly, I'll be spending most of my time on Skyward Sword.
  • Oliolioliooo - June 24, 2011 2:17 a.m.

    If I can still be my bright blue Argonian from Oblivion, then I'm happy.
  • Markstone - June 24, 2011 2:09 a.m.

    I am so screwed for finals, all my study time will be spent playing Skyrim :(

Showing 1-20 of 34 comments

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