If there's one thing Big Bird, Elmo and that weird-ass thing that lives in a bin have taught us, it's that you can never judge a book by its cover. Take the following cute-looking game worlds, for instance. If they were pieces of literature they'd have bunnies and sunflowers on the cover... and then the pages of Mein Kampf inside. Yup, these virtual universes may look serene and adorable, but in reality, they'd be hell to live in.
On the surface…
An idyllic paradise, filled with frolicking creatures, whose sole purpose is to look cuter than a Care Bear cuddling a Furby in a field of wobbling Weebles. Made of candy, joy and the hopes and dreams of kittens, these friendly piñatas have not a care in the world, as they casually graze around their gentle, laidback garden world.
Beneath the surface…
Dig a little deeper beyond the façade and you’ll find a world that houses an ecosystem more savage than the f*cking Serengeti. Vicious predators roam the land, commanded by a fanatical lunatic known as Professor Pester. Their only mandate? To destroy property, maim and poison any poor bastard that gets in their way and generally devote themselves to a life of chaos like the Joker… if he was made out of sour bonbons. Personally, we’d rather go on safari in a convertible while covered from head to toe in uncooked lamb chops.
On the surface...
Well shucks. What a charming universe of unbridled wonder. We're going to start looking for condos tomorrow. In Katamari's world everything is all sunshine, daffodils and elephant tranquilisers, as the King of All Cosmos passes the time by playing tennis in paradise with his smoking hot, really angular wife.
And look, here's his son the Prince merrily rolling about a comically oversized ball. How could anything go wrong?
Above: It all starts out innocently enough...
Beneath the surface...
Yeeaahhh, turns out it's not such a peacful paradise. Instead, it's actually founded on paternal pressure, wanton destruction of property and nearly destroying the whole shitting universe with a tennis ball.
After the King of All Cosmos rips a whole in space which sucks up countless planets and extinguishes so much sentient life the Jedis will be having migraines for decades, he sends his son to fix the problem...
BY DESTROYING EVERYTHING ON EARTH.
That's right, his son is charged with rolling up everything he can find with that huge adhesive ball to plug up a black hole. Y'know, those things that do wacky shit with time and are officially the scariest thing in the whole of existence.
Af first the Prince starts small scale. A bit of litter here, a Big Mac there.
Above: Oh sure, rolling up a bunch of cheaply processed meat seems harmless...
But soon he's sucking up skyscrapers and war veterans' afforable housing into his giant ball of doom.
Above: But soon you and all your worldy possessions are being sucked up
Just imagine living in a world where the constant threat of being flattened along with everyone and thing you love looms over you like the Sword of Damocles at every waking moment.
Yeah, we'll take our chances with the Viva Piñata death garden, thank you very much.