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ClassicRadar: The 16 most awesomely bad videogame movie moments

This month marks the five-year anniversary of GamesRadar. To celebrate, we’re digging up our oldest, favorite-est features – most of which posted before the website even had comments – and giving them a second chance to shine. Enjoy this priceless piece of gamz jarnlism history, and expect a “new” classic every few days through March.



Movies based on videogames, to make a blanket generalization, are effing terrible. It’s no secret that Hollywood thinks of gamers as a massive collective of emotionally stunted mouth-breathers who’ll pay to watch anything with guns, and that the films it produces reflect that attitude. For years we’ve ranted and railed against awful crap like Super Mario Bros. and Alone in the Dark, but our protestations have done nothing to stem the tide of cinematic diarrhea.


Fun fact: Bob Hoskins didn’t even know he was in a videogame movie until his daughter told him 

Friends, it’s time to stop the hate. Game movies aren’t getting much better and they aren’t going away. Instead of ripping on them for ruining beloved franchises and feeding the notion that we’re idiots, maybe we should try embracing them for the hilariously awful trash they are. To help you along, we’ve pulled together the most over-the-top, entertainingly terrrible moments we could find from 16 mostly awful game movies. Go ahead and laugh. Give in to the horror.

Also: SPOILERS AHEAD. Assuming you even care.


16. EXIT KASUMI

From: DOA: Dead or Alive (2007)

As crappy videogame movies go, DOA: Dead or Alive is probably one of the better ones. It’s an entertainingly dumb king-fu comedy with a few decent performances, and compared to most of the other films on this list, that’s actually pretty good. Plus, it’s got Eric Roberts playing a villain whose evil doomsday weapon is a pair of sunglasses that predicts his opponent’s moves in one-on-one martial arts fights.

We’re not sure what nefarious purpose these could possibly serve, unless it’s rigging UFC matches. But whatever. It’s probably a threat to world peace somehow.

DOA’s most ridiculous moment, however, comes right at the beginning, when we’re introduced to Princess Kasumi (Devon Aoki), who’s begged by Ryu Hayabusa (Kane Kosugi) not to leave her clan’s enormous ninja mountaintop ninja castle.


Above: “Look, I’ve got better things to do than stand around in a lavish tribute to the films of Zhang Yimou, OK?” 

Storming out past the dozens of guards who do nothing but stand around all day in her courtyard wearing period armor, Kasumi is threatened by her friend, White Girl Who is Somehow Also Japanese (Natassia Malthe).


Above: SO JAPANESE 

And then this happens:

And this:

And then this:


Above: OK, sure 

Look, it’ll make more sense if you just watch it:



15. STANDOFF SWORD FIGHT

From: Hitman (2007)

Another surprisingly tolerable game adaptation, the Hitman movie told the story of Agent 47 (Timothy Olyphant) and his attempt to escape both his own turncoat assassination syndicate and the sexual advances of Olga Kurylenko (Olga Kurylenko).


Above: NO MEANS NO, LADY

For the most part it’s a fairly straightforward action-thriller, but things start to get stupid when 47 runs into three of his fellow bald, bioengineered assassins, at which point a four-way Mexican standoff erupts for no reason other than that it looks cool.


Above: Wait, why are they drawing down on the other guy? 

47 suggests that everyone in the group try “dying with a little dignity,” at which point the other agents nod and everyone empties their guns.

And then we find out that “dying with a little dignity” means having a sharp hunk of metal jammed through your torso.


Above: DIGNITY! 

Here’s the whole ridiculous spectacle in motion:



14. THE WORST USE OF BULLET TIME EVER

From: Wing Commander (1999)

Essentially just a really lame, teen-centric version of Top Gun in space, Wing Commander dished up an unpalatable mashup of the series’ various mythological elements and recast Lt. Christopher “Maverick” Blair as bland, lifeless Freddie Prinze Jr. Also, this is what the tiger-like Kilrathi aliens look like in the movie:


Above: Yes, they’re that hard to see, mainly because of the “toxic gas” that's used to “cover up shitty special effects”

Probably the silliest moment in the movie is an over-dramatic jump to lightspeed, which contains what may be the worst-ever use of the circular bullet-time camera effect made famous by The Matrix. It also tells you everything you need to know about its main characters, Maverick and Maniac (Matthew Lillard):


Above: Maniac acts like a damn monkey all the time 


Above: Maverick stands around and is boring 

Here, just watch the damn thing already:


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49 comments

  • DISSLIKE_Berlin - September 3, 2014 1:03 a.m.

    UWE BOLL READING HATE COMMENTS ON HIS WORK IN GERMAN ONLINE SHOW DISSLIKE We got no clue, how this could happen, but we let Uwe Boll come close to a camera. Again. "Holy shit, he must have brain control abilities!" The result is, as always, "a retarded movie without dignity", but at least it is amusing. Very relieved, he didn't try to direct this episode there is just on thing left to say: "Thank you Uwe Boll for completely fucking up every movie you ever touched." Except DISSLIKE. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJ2t86mdODw&list=PL6jkPzOgV_21BDmINzWaDHOxA4uA0aSUL
  • Sjoeki - July 13, 2011 9:56 p.m.

    So hard to pick a favorite!! It's all oscar material!
  • stephenrobinson - July 13, 2011 8:46 p.m.

    It makes me wonder if the likes of, Ben Kingsley, Ron Perlman, Jason Statham, Ray Liotta and Burt Reynolds were threatened in some way to be in an uwe bollocks movie
  • grayguwapo - June 16, 2011 4:08 a.m.

    hahahaha... i never thought of watching street fighter that way... i will watch it again as a comedy as it makes more sense that way...
  • metalgatesolid - March 12, 2011 6:40 p.m.

    I just have to say i Love the way you guys write about things like this. Very funny. Agree with all of them. Lets be honest though the only decent videogame film is Silent Hill.
  • TheMadderHatter - March 11, 2011 10:27 p.m.

    This article: Still hilarious, and truly a classic collection of perfect abominations. Half the comments on this article (i.e., WAAAH YOU HURTED MY FEELINGS ABOUT A MOVIE): Facepalm. Although, they really seem to fit in with those scenes...
  • DIStroyinmasses - March 11, 2011 8:44 a.m.

    o dear, FAR CRY, i wana kill the fat guy allready!
  • Imthedoctor - March 11, 2011 2:49 a.m.

    the screen shot of the cheesy mortal kombat CGI battle made my ******* day xD
  • talkraider - March 11, 2011 2 a.m.

    Holy crap the video player is bad. Half the videos wouldn't play.
  • soren7550 - March 10, 2011 10:56 p.m.

    Seeing the screenshots of Uwe Bowl getting hurt made my day.
  • bass88 - March 10, 2011 10:24 p.m.

    I actually dropkicked a rabid dog that was hurtling towards me so the Resident Evil scene isn't so stupid for me. It was when I first saw it but nowadays it's almost like a perfect reenactment of that day.
  • beema - March 10, 2011 5:56 p.m.

    I love that 90% of the movies on here are by Uwe Boll. I can't believe that turd burglar actual was somewhat glorified on an episode of No Reservations. Also, there's a Postal movie!? WTF?
  • Pottyaboutpotter1 - March 10, 2011 4:44 p.m.

    How dare you slate the resident evil movies! All they are is action packed romps which the cast and crew intend them to be. They don't try to be like the games they distant themselves by setting up a new continuity so people who don't play games can still enjoy them. That and they're just fantastic films. all 4 of them!
  • Sonneilon - March 10, 2011 3:40 p.m.

    Oh, wasn't the Doom movie based on Doom4? And Mortal Kombat1 was deemed good mainly because it was compared to StreetFighter which sucked all over. Seeing how, back then, those were the two biggest fighting games, it was about which movie would be most 'faithful'. Mortal Kombat won out because it was darker, it had better action sequences, characters were fairly faithful and the story was better.
  • Sonneilon - March 10, 2011 3:36 p.m.

    I remember when MK2 came out. Saw it in theaters. Everyone thought the writers (and director) were on crack for that animality scene. Sub-zero's entrance was, let's face it, bizarre. Still, it was nice to look at Kitana and Sonya. Being a casual gamer, I wouldn't have recognized the relation between movie and game. Far Cry in particular. I wonder how many times that has shown up on SYFY.
  • Ariaka - March 10, 2011 8:19 a.m.

    Another case of I was around to see this when it was new XD Go GR, Happy Birthday! ^_^
  • CatrParrot - March 10, 2011 5:58 a.m.

    I forgot how crappy the special effects were in Annihilation. And why the overabundance of somersaults? At least the first movie wasn't as bad.
  • Thezombiesarepeople2 - March 10, 2011 5:02 a.m.

    Ok... umm... just a couple things I disagree with here: 1) Resident Evil movies were awesome and are awesome. 2) Hitman wasn't THAT bad, and the action scenes were sick. 3) DOOM would have been good if it had actually followed the story. It had a pretty good script and special effects and stuff, considering when it was made. 4) The scenes from Koopa Visits Brooklyn and Postal made me crack up so hard I almost crapped my pants. No joke.
  • 2cute2Bcruel - March 10, 2011 3:46 a.m.

    This list is full of funny. I'm so glad that Resident Evil: Apocalypse got nailed for being the awful piece of dumb that it truly is. What I think is far worse than the church scene is Jill's unnecessary F-bomb directed at Alice right afterwards. OoC much?
  • TDUBBS - March 10, 2011 2 a.m.

    Why does the villain in Far Cry look like Lorne Michaels?

Showing 1-20 of 49 comments

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