In the opening scene of Boulder Dash - yep, the earth-burrowing, rock-dodging, gem-collecting puzzler is back - our hero - Rockford - offers his sweetheart Gwen a diamond the size of her head. Her eyes widen, a kiss seems assured%26hellip; and then Rockford%26rsquo;s nemesis, an octopus, appears on the scene with an equally gob-dropping gem. %26ldquo;Wow, that%26rsquo;s quite big too%26hellip;%26rdquo; murmurs the fickle, moon-faced hussy.
There%26rsquo;s a lesson here, everyone. If someone only likes you for the presents you give them, they%26rsquo;re probably not worth talking to - and if they%26rsquo;re prepared to force you through several dozen levels of grinding, repetitive gem-hoovering, then you need to avoid them like a boulder in the skull. To be fair, BDR is faithful to the original games - although it%26rsquo;s been made more forgiving for modern gamers - but why would you want to play Boulder Dash in this day and age? It%26rsquo;s only moderately nicer looking than the BBC micro version we put up with as four-year-olds, and only slightly more entertaining. Gwen can piss off and marry that octopus.
Mar 28, 2008