If you like Netflix, you'll love this
Thinking about the people who write Netflix's movie and TV descriptions makes you wonder where you were when those jobs were advertised. It's every movie fan's dream. Consuming a stream of titles before summing them up in just a few appealing and informative sentences, which can sometimes be as entertaining as the movies themselves.
No longer just straightforward synopses, Netflix descriptions are now more like comedic verses, often poking fun at the more ridiculous titles and film flops. Some make tongue in cheek jokes about the actors, others offer a piece of worldly advice, and there's even one that rhymes! Basically, someone at Netflix has been having too much fun (not that we're jealous), and here's the 30 Netflix descriptions to prove it. Warning: Don't do everything Netflix tells you to, even if it sounds like a good idea during your Netflix and chill time.
30. Big Daddy (1999)
The Netflix description: "Want to prove to your girlfriend that you're not an irresponsible slacker? Get a job, not a kid."
The life lesson: We've all seen the "a dog is for life, not just for Christmas" adverts: the same applies here. For your actions to warrant romantic attention it's best to earn your keep through more realistic means.
29. Frank (2014)
The Netflix description: "In a band led by a papier-mache head, a so-called outcast better bring it. Let's have a toast to the weirdos."
The life lesson: Be warned; if you're in a band being weird by donning a craft project on your bonce isn't enough - you've got to go the extra mile or receive lots of snark.
28. Crocodile Dundee (1986)
The Netflix description: "New York City's a rough place. But a guy who wrestled a croc to the ground might have a slight edge on a mugger."
The life lesson: Tussling with angry reptiles is akin to battling a New York City thief? Yeah, that sounds about right.
27. Children of The Corn (1984)
The Netflix description: "In a small town populated solely by kids brandishing scythes, adults are welcomed. With open graves."
The life lesson: Don't stop off in small towns during your cross-country road trip - no matter how picturesque those endless rows of corn look.
26. Constantine (2005)
The Netflix description: "Plagued by demons, a private eye spends his day brooding. And trying to save the world from evil."
The life lesson: No matter how much you try to help others, people (and Netflix) will solely focus on your character flaws.
25. The Faculty (1998)
The Netflix description: "Your science teacher's out for blood and sprouting tentacles. Now's probably not the time to bring up your grade."
The life lesson: As astutely observed by this Netflix scribe, scholastic performance should be the least of your worries when facing a bodysnatcher in place of your chemistry teacher.
24. Flashdance (1983)
The Netflix description: "By day she welds metal. At night she bumps and grinds. Her dreams of becoming a dancer are on fire."
The life lesson: If you're a welder partial to a boogie, stardom might be round the corner. Failing that, plenty of night sweats due to a load of flame-scorched dreams.
23. Elizabethtown (2005)
The Netflix description: "The best way to get a new lease on life? Attend your father's funeral with a winsome stewardess in tow."
The life lesson: Netflix is trying to bring back 'winsome'...
22. Scream 2 (1997)
The Netflix description: "The survivors from the first film go to college. Guess who tags along with them. Murder can really mess up your GPA."
The life lesson: Focusing on academics is a trifle difficult when a knife-wielding maniac is on the loose.
The Netflix description: "Love, laughter and the best friends you could ask for. Just like real life. But with really nice apartments."
The life lesson: Live in a big, luxurious apartment in Manhattan on meagre wages? Even Netflix knows that's a joke.
20. Sex Ed (2014)
The Netflix description: "How does it work? Simple. You just put the ... in the ... and then THAT goes ... Sorry, kids. Your teacher is a virgin."
The life lesson: If your sex education teacher is hesitant about the mechanics of intercourse... then you'd probably learn more from a copy of Razzle. Or you could embarrass the hell out of your teacher.
19. Snowpiercer (2013)
The Netflix description: "Global warming wasn't so bad. It's freezing, food is weird, and people are rebelling. This is going to be a trainwreck."
The life lesson: Climate change deniers need to watch this movie!
18. Candyman 2: Farewell to the Flesh (1995)
The Netflix description: "Most monsters come from behind. But this tall, dark, hook-handed man looks you right in the face."
The life lesson: As most deaths in this movie are in fact executed from behind the lesson here is a simple one: don't judge a movie by its Netflix summary.
17. Ravenous (1999)
The Netflix description: "A stranger with a craving for human flesh crashes a military outpost. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."
The life lesson: One that's ingrained in most of us from a very young age: don't let strangers in. Especially those who appear to be assessing the plumpness of your rump.
16. The Killer Inside Me (2010)
The Netflix description: "He's the nicest guy you'll ever meet. Except when he becomes a relentless slaughtering machine."
The life lesson: Be wary of friendly chaps in stetsons.
15. Flowers In The Attic (1987)
The Netflix description: "Dad's dead. Mom's penniless, and granny's a whack job. Your new home isn't a mansion, kids. It's hell."
The life lesson: When life hands you lemons, expect more lemons.
14. Noah (2014)
The Netflix description: "Life needs an ark. Earth needs a purge. Astonishing things happen when mud and blood truly converge."
The life lesson: The end result might be "astonishing", but ark-building isn't for the squeamish. Also, rhyming Netflix? You're better than that.
13. Labor Day (2013)
The Netflix description: "A lonely rural mom gets tied up by her new lover. Moody fugitives with access to rope tend to do that."
The life lesson: Grizzled ex-cons on the run aren't usually trustworthy bedfellows.
12. If I Had Wings (2013)
The Netflix description: "One is blind. One is a juvenile delinquent. They make a pretty good cross-country running team."
The life lesson: Victory can emerge from the most unexpected of places... even if it's a bit of a headscratcher how those two particular attributes constitute a "good cross-country running team."
11. Gossip Girl
The Netflix description: "Rich, unreasonably attractive private school students do horrible, scandalous things to each other. Repeatedly."
The life lesson: Pay attention to all those high school movie stereotypes: good-looking popular kids really are bastards.
10. While You Were Sleeping (1995)
The Netflix description: "Some girls find love with a prince. Some, with a mogul. This shy romantic's dream date? A coma victim."
The life lesson: Just because Sandra Bullock manipulates the family of a comatose hunk, "in the name of love" and is rather attractive, doesn't mean it's okay for the rest of us.
9. From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money (1999)
The Netflix description: "Dear dirtbags: The clap isn't the worst disease you can pick up at a dusty strip club. Have fun being a vampire."
The life lesson: Frequent strip bars and suffer two hideous consequences: the possibility of becoming a vampire and enduring the judgment of this Netflix scribe.
8. Bernie (2011)
The Netflix description: "A rich old lady and a friendly mortician. They're two peas in a pod - until one of the peas just won't shut up."
The life lesson: Befriending undertakers is all well and good, just don't piss them off by being a cantankerous old witch.
7. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
The Netflix description: "A deformed bell-ringer falls for a beautiful gypsy girl and lives happily ever after? Hey, it could happen."
The life lesson: Don't be deterred by poor self-image - be kind to others, ring a few bells, and a bewitching maiden shall be yours.
6. Coming To America (1988)
The Netflix description: "Where can the heir to an African throne find the woman of his dreams? At a funky hamburger joint in Queens, of course!"
The life lesson: Don't assume you know anything about dating.
5. Welcome To The Jungle (2013)
The Netflix description: "When a corporate retreat goes primal, an alpha will emerge. An awful, unbelievably stupid alpha. Just the worst."
The life lesson: If you think you're being uber-cool, you might want to check yourself. It's likely that everyone else thinks you're an utter berk.
4. The Wolf Of Wall Street (2013)
The Netflix description: "Make millions. Take enough mind-warping drugs to kill a horse. Do what you gotta do... but do it in a pinstripe suit. "
The life lesson: Be a hedonistic, money-hungry misogynist! It doesn't matter as long as you look cool!
3. Top Gun (1986)
The Netflix description: "Systems check: Cold War action. '80s tunes. Sex in silhouette. A maverick pilot jets into the danger zone."
The life lesson: Speaking in fragments makes everything you say way more emphatic.
2. Day of The Dead (1985)
The Netflix description: "What's worse than a zombie-ruled world? Nothing. No wonder the last humans are totally out of their minds."
The life lesson: In case the last ten years of zombie-themed entertainment hasn't clued you in: the undead roaming the Earth might cause you a moment of mental discomfort.
1. Faces In The Crowd (2011)
The Netflix description: "She remembers the attack, but not her attacker's face. That makes it a bit hard to see what's coming."
The life lesson: Always one for sticking the knife in, Netflix isn't above making a joke about not being able to see a horrific, potentially soul-destroying attack coming. Thanks Netflix...